Some Penmanshit on the concept of friendship
Posted by trae_z on November 21st, 2005
I hate going intimate or emotional online, that’s the recent me for you. But I just had to spit out these little bits and pieces on friendship.
When talking to girls how many of you have heard them go “I prefer to hang out with guys. It guarantees less drama jare”. Yep, that’s what a lot of the ladies say. But you won’t hear a guy say “I prefer to hang out with girls”. Instead you’ll hear “I like to hang out with my mens but if it’s with a chick we’ve gots to be friends with benefits”. Sad but true: a girl’s friendship circle is the most unstable thing after NEPA. I blame it on fact that girls are like the receptive specie. Guys are the active ones. They do the pampering and make the moves while the girls choose from the options offered to them. Looks matter in everyday life but it so much matters when it comes to girls. They gots to look their best always and go through all that: will this guy like me, how can I keep admirers to myself shit. And when you’re steadily under competition friendship ain’t an easy thing. I’ve been in social groups involving both sexes and I tell you the pretty girls are the most popular girls and the ones with the best self esteem. On the other hand friendship is a relatively easier thing for guys. Proof of this can be seen in the Nigerian University housing system where at times as many as 11 guys stay together in a room and they get along fairly peacefully. Anyway, this hanging out with guys stuff works for girls cos in most cases the guys are so daft. They’re ready to follow the girl around all day and even spend big-time on her; not because they like her on platonic terms but because they got hopes of getting a kiss, a hug or hitting it proper one day. Hey…fuck this, over to the next paragraph
There’s something that the Psychologists say about friendship. That it’s born out of our greedy personal desires. That friendship is all about using each other to get a little something-something. E.g. a buddy to hang out with and keep you from being bored, a bedmate or lover to fill your emotional needs, a study, business or political partner to get you right educationally, money-wise or politically. But whatever it is I hate to loose a friend. I try my best to be a good pal always. But if the worst happens (like it has a few times of late) I try to keep my lines open just incase. I don’t want to find myself in a bad mood blabbing about friendship woes like some peeps do in their blogs. The advice I’ll give is exactly the same I gave in a previous post. Be nice 24-7 and try to put yourself in other’s shoes before taking actions. That way you can stop spending a fortune buying all them self help books you buy weekly: “how to keep and win friends”, “understanding the human temperaments” etc.
Still with the topic, I fear I could loose some of my friends and I’m afraid of what the status of our friendship will be in years to come. You know you grow up with friends, meet some in school and at the end of the day you guys head into different directions in life. Some make it big, some end up fairly off and some struggle all the way. Each finds his/her own class and sticks to it. And that’s all because money is a leveler. I don’t mean it in the normal way you might know but that money is an element that certifies one’s “levels” (importance) in society. Remember the line from 50 Cent’s “wanksta” song?
“Damn homie, in High school you was the man homie, what the fuck happened to you”.
That’s real depressing, especially when you consider that it could happen to you. Check this. I got into some silly argument with my younger sis who’s 19 some weeks back. She threw the words, I threw the fist. In the end I got my new radio smashed to bits and pieces (it sure has thought me a lesson for life: never hit a lady) which along with my handset were amongst my most cherished material possessions. And right now things ain’t too cool between us…you know the ego thing. But Imagine my sis paying my bills one day…when she makes it as an actress (that’s sort of what she wants to be and she really is the lively type). And when I’ll then be better known not as TRAE but as Sylvia’s brother. Aaahhh, Crazy!
Life ain’t a fairy tale; you can’t be a kid forever. Now that we’re all finishing school and my mens and I are entering the labour market that masculine psyche thing about making that money is increasingly scaring the shit out of me.
that’s how it is now, that’s how it’ll always be/
I’ll never change this is always me/
from the womb to the tomb, from now to my doom/
drink army from one cup pass it around the room/
that’s the ritual, Big Gran I ain’t forgot you fool/
and all that bullshit you trying to get through/
this is crew love, move music or move drugs/
rival crews get cha black suits up/
I’ll never change…
That’s Jay-Z on “never change” spitting some brotherhood shit. We (my friends and I, you and your friends) all got our childhood dreams. Hope we hit 70 having fulfilled part of it or at least being satisfied with our lives. Shout out to my peeps, Peace!
the brotherhood, we’re all we got
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The old saying goes, “A friend in need is a friend indeed”. It depends on how you interpret it.
If one puts much thought into it then online relationships are much more better.
1. you can ask any question that you probably would have chickened out of if the person were there
2. You can (if you are smart enough) decode the type of person they are before you meet up
3. You can define the relationship without commitment
4. you get to tell them sweet nothings without either of you being concerned about their halitosis
5. you can do the ‘yeah right’ face without them seeing
There are (I must say) a lot of advantages of online relationships. Even some old friends are best dealt with online. Cos even if you never really cared about them then sending an email or chatting to them once a while will make them think that you do care and thereby leaves the door open just incase.One never knows where help can come from
I am not trying to be cruel, I’m just stating the Obvious!
You should read Aristotle’s account of friendship (its in his Ethics) – its still a pretty good analysis. He takes there to be 3 kinds of friendship:
1) Friendship based on utility (what can I get out of the other person?)
2) Friendship based on pleasure (the person satisfies me in some way)
Aristotle took these two forms of friendship to be incomplete as they are based on short-term considerations and contingent on changeable circumstances. For Aristotle, the best form of friendship is:
3) Friendship based between good people – people who have each other’s interests in mind.
It is only this last form of friendship is ethical, as it is based on virtuous behaviour.
2000+ years since it was written, its hard to beat this analysis!
Friendship is a symbiotic (a close ecological relationship between the individuals of two (or more) different species. Sometimes a symbiotic relationship benefits both species, sometimes one species benefits at the other’s expense, and in other cases neither species benefits. ) relationship.
We live in a give and take world
Those who take and don’t give don’t get anything out of the world
Same applies to those who give.
The best thing you can do is have a friend who you understand and understands you
Can tolerate and you can tolerate as well
Is not afraid of telling you off when you are wrong and vice versa.
Good friends are hard to find.
People who we consider as friends are more like acquaintances- we only take what we can from them and vice versa.