The phrase for today is “man must wack!” It’s Nigerian Pidgin English and it means the same thing as “person no go chop again?”, “man no go chop?”, “I suppose eat now”, “I gotta get paid” and “man must survive”. Now here are some examples of the use of these phrases in everyday human speech.

Some many wack guys dey this game of hip hop/
If you ask dem dey go be like: “ah ah man no go chop?”/
Massai in “onye kwulu oto…”

You gotta operate the easy way/
“I made a G today” but you made it in a sleazy way/
Selling crack to the kids. “I gotta get paid,”/
Well hey…well that’s the way it is/
Tupac Shakur in “changes”

For real in Nigeria we’re using these phrases more and more everyday. We knowingly go ahead to do what we’re not supposed to do all because of the material gain that can come out of such actions. At times we’re pushed to do so by poverty, at other times it’s plain laziness and not wanting to follow the long but right way. I got thinking about this phenomenon because unlike before we’re now watching Nigerian films in my house like crazy. Ever since my younger sister started studying Theater Arts at the university it’s been all borrow this film this, attend this audition that. I must confess some Nigerian films are really good but the majority are crap, crap, crap (anyways, somebody please tell Stephanie Okereke that I think she’s sexy). But the fact remains that despite all the mediocrity, day after day auditions are being held, scenes are being shot and films are being marketed. Why is this so? The answer is “man must wack!” Let me spell out the “man must wack” scenario in Nigeria for you starting from Nigerian films.

-Yes the film industry is in a mess but it’s better to get a waka pass roll (be an extra in a film) and collect your #2,000 while waiting for your big break, then to keep on writing job applications. Or if you’re lucky get a minor roll and be paid #20,000. And knowing that Nigerian films are shot in one week you could actually collect that salary four times in a month. Now that’s something ain’t it? For the established actors they know most of the films they act are repeats but “man must wack”. And so they keep acting, bumping out a film every fortnight and smiling home with their 2 million Naira check every month. For the producers and marketers they keep putting out the below par films knowing that they can make a fortune by selling them in African where people are Nigerian film crazy or to Nigerians in Diaspora in North America and Europe where Nigerian films helps to kill the home sickness.

-Deputy Senate President Ibrahim Mantu is also a fan of the “man must wack” phrase. As the chairman of the sub committee on the review of the 1999 constitution he went ahead to recommend three terms of four years for Presidents and Governors. And by what means? By a dubious voice vote. He backed up his actions with the claim that as a representative of the people he is only doing their wish. Crazy ain’t it? Because we all know that if a survey is conducted today, the result will overwhelmingly recommend that OBJ retires come 2007 and heads back to his Ota farm. But alas “man must wack”. Mantu and his colleagues in power must continue to collect their fat salaries, get the juicy contracts, move about the corridors of power, have people bow down to them and see their faces on TV and in the papers.

-Obasanjo’s mouth piece, Fani Kayode is another lover of the man must wack phrase. Before his appointment he never wasted time to point out the errors of the government. But now that he’s in the presidency he’s kissing major ass and regards OBJ as a god that can do no wrong. To justify his salary he’s ready to verbally harass anyone that questions OBJ’s actions or words. He very much reminds me of Daniel Kanu of the YEAA (Youths Earnestly Ask for Abacha) fame.

-Chris Uba the self acclaimed God father in Anambra politics also knows what the “man must wack” phrase implies and uses it to his full advantage. For all his evil deeds to the people of Anambra and to Nigeria as a whole he deserves to be imprisoned. But instead he was readmitted into the PDP while Ngige was expelled and as being forced to leave the country after being dethroned as Governor. All this is because he’s financially useful to Anambra politicians, to the PDP and to the presidency.

-Also in this league are Nigerian girls, ladies or women. Right from their childhood their mothers have schooled them on what the “man must wack” (woman must wack) phrase means. Thus young girls forget about guys their age who really love them but ain’t yet made and go ahead to marry much older men who they hardly know, talk less of love but who are made. And in some cases marry such men as the second, third or fourth wife. Others become groupies. Yes we know it’s cool to fuck a celebrity but more importantly, it pays.

-And finally men of God in Nigeria. Particularly those of the non-Catholic, Anglican or Methodist type. Being that competition is high in the field, opening of their own churches is something that must be done to perfection. Not just because they love God and genuinely want to partake in evangelism but because “man must wack”. The more people you’re able to bring into your flock, the more money for you. As for me, I no go lie. E get as e go be man pikin go…. You know every now, “man must wack!”

“Man must wack” and so the rich keep enjoying the best of the harvest, while the poor keep doing all sorts of menial jobs to keep body and soul together

Today Cool FM 96.9 Abuja held an audition titled “the broadcaster” for a new presenter for their station. The candidates (a whole lot of them) were given about a minute to do their thing. And at the end, the panel of judges (consisting of some existing presenters) will pick out the 9 most impressive wannabes. the broadcaster will then be selecter based on highest number of votes received from Listerners. I listened in, it was fun. A lot of the wannabes have been doing the news casting thing. To me that’s too dull. They said they were looking for presenter…broadcaster. Showcasing your news casting skills is too limiting. You should show your brighter side and that can be achieved when you do the free flowing stuff. I mean audition like you’re a presenter who’s playing the jams, giving general gist in between and possible interviewing a guest. To do this it really helps if you have a great sense of humor, a warm voice/personality that can captivate people and make them enjoy listening to you/hearing you talk. You know that larger than life feeling. From the wannabes I heard, two really blew me away. The first was a guy who pretended to interview Paris Hilton and Gwen Stefani. A smooth talker, he sure has a future compeering shows. The other was Violet Ibe a.k.a. Little V. she pretended she was anchoring a text in program. She also spit some radio-relevant rhymes and generally flowed like a true MC.

I was once a wannabe myself (to an extent I still am). I was kind of serious about it that I went online to research on what it takes to be a good radio presenter. But before then I used to cut my own demo tapes at home. As I’m typing this I’m listening to one I made way back, between December 31st 2003 and January 2004 to be precise. I’d go online and source for MIDI files (music files that sound like polyphonic ringtones). A few of those I used on this tape are The Fugees’ “ready or not”, Warren G’s “regulate”, Coolio’s “cu when u get there”, Bone Thugs N Harmony’s “crossroads”, Jay-Z’s “hard knock life”, Jonell’s “don’t stop” and Coolio’s “gangstas paradise”. I’d get my microphone and rap over the instrumentals with my friends, spit some of my old flows, fool around dropping some tight and some wack freestyles, interview as many people as I could and generally just run my mouth till the tape was full. Listening to it now makes me nostalgic. Oh well…I’ve missed the Cool FM chance but if feasible I’ll try and grab the next opportunity because I must admit presenting on radio is kind of cool. It feels good to able to impact positively on other people’s lives and at the same time retain one’s privacy.

Postscript: I love it when a DJ is on air. You know all that scratching and mixing of them wonderful joints. Especially when an old school track comes on or a new one that you’re really crazy about. Kai! Music na de very koko.

Yeah, I love my radio…and Cool FM 96.9

My man zero from africanhiphop.com said in one of his threads that a lot of us don’t do enough to support our local artists by buying their albums. I admit I’m guilty of that, so to set things straight I’ve copped some albums. Marvellous Benjy’s “take control”, Resonance’s “Chinwe Ike”, Massai’s “last man standing” and Bouqui’s self titled album. And now I think it’s only right that I drop little reviews.

Marvellous Benjy (take control)

Take control by Kennismusic’s latest signing Marvellous Benjy is a dance hall/ragga album. Liking some of his past and present stuff I bought it, but after feeling it I admit I’m quite disappointed. Minus the two great songs “swo” and “just a little” featuring Luccy along with their remixes (in both cases I prefer the originals) the other songs in the album didn’t really appeal to me. And for a producer/artist releasing a mere seven tracker (minus skits, intro, outro and remixes) is really poor. In a scale of 5 I’m giving it 3.5 stars. I wonder why Black Face wasn’t on the album, in the past they’ve done some good things together.

Play “just a little”

Resonance (Chinwe Ike)

Resonance is a rhythm and blues/hip hop gospel duo made up of a half-caste girl and a guy (a couple perhaps). The chick does the singing while the guy does the rapping. They’re very popular in the South East where their hit song “chinwe ike” is receiving massive air play. And for real that song is the shiznit, it belongs to the class of great Igbo gospel song’s like “ibu Chineke” by Kennismusic’s Slam. It’s the kind of song that makes lukewarm guys like me love gospel music. And did I mention they are (or were) UNN (University of Nigeria, Nsukka) and UNEC (University of Nigeria, Enugu Campus) representing. On to the criticism: an eight tracker album is really poor. And I think the CD would have been a whole lot better if it was filled mainly with her singing. She’s got a soft, sweet, angelic voice. The raps by the guy and other guest artist were just of the banal type…unimpressive. Truly she’s the active partner (makes Resonance what it is) while he’s the sleeping one. That said, in a scale of 5 the album gets a 3.5 rating from me.

Play “chinwe ike”

Massai (last man standing)

Massai a fourth year Law student is another UNEC guy. And like most albums by Nigerian youths “last man standing” his debut album is all hip hop. If you like 2shots and Biglo you’ll definitely like Massai, who with a thick Igbo accent raps mainly in Pidgin English with heavy use of Igbo vocabulary. The album is generally comical, has got party tracks (“onye kwulu oto…” and “hey hey hey”), social-conscious tracks (“in ten years”, “dance 4 mama”, “rite attitude”), a really good breakup song (“you left me”) and an overdose of girl-themed songs (“story to tell”, “oyi m”, “landlord pikin” and “this na UNEC”). By the way my boy Kenieflex is featured on “in ten years”. It gets a 4 star (out of five) rating and it’s definately worth the price.

Play “you left me”

Bouqui (album is self titled. Bouqui is pronounced Bukky)

Nigeria lacks really good female rappers. A lot of those in the lime light don’t really deserve to be there. If they were guys they’d be in the wack or infant league (also true for female footballers). But after seeing so much Bouqui buzz online I decided to cop the album in hope of a miracle. To be honest I was quite impressed but someone should have told me that she’s a gospel artist! Unlike a lot of other debut artist it seems Bouqui had a lot of studio time (female artist always have a lot of benefactors), because minus the skits et al the album Is a 14 tracker! The down side is that there are one too many beat and chorus samples and the skits et al weren’t really worth it. My favourite tracks are “roll like that”, “major problems” (the beat reminds me Mase’s “i really like it”) and “dead man walking” (has a Dr Dre like beat which the Xzibit of the “restless” era would have done good justice to). Minus this three the other tracks are about average to me. On the whole the album gets a three star (out of a possible 5) rating.

Play “major problems”

All this listening and reviewing makes we want to go record. But I’m not motivated to write these days and in my present state I’m not ready for studio sessions.

Bouqui. Voice…nice, songs..not bad, looks…definately a knock out

Note: This post is used for the purpose of cultivating interest in the featured musicians. It is more of a promotional tool rather than an illegal file sharing means. However, if you are an artist or a label represented here and you would like your music removed let me know and it will come down immediately.

I’m getting really addicted to reading blogs, especially those with a lot of personal stories to tell. It feels good seeing life through other people’s eyes and learning a new thing or two. But it’s a shame that I can’t be that personal on my own blog; I ain’t got it in boldness like some other bloggers. Worse still I’m not blogging anonymously so my ranting license is limited; how sad. I started blogging un-anonymously so I gots to keep to the status quo. It reminds me of the hint that one has to be careful about what you put online. Because after your stuff has been indexed a zillion times by Google and co; getting it erased off cyber space at a latter date is as hard as erasing the trauma of rape from an abused child’s mind.

That was some sad shit. But on the happy side I recently put face to another of my anonymous peoples’ name…Chxta. As is common in these cases what you conjure up in your mind is often not what you see. I thought he’ll be all big bros and shit and be a little too mature/serious minded for my liking but the Chxta I finally met was one chubby, cool and down to earth guy.

For those who don’t know, Big Brother Nigeria is finally on. I hardly ever follow reality shows or more correctly I hardly ever get the chance to follow reality shows. Things might change this time around though because I know two of the contestants (Maureen and Ebuka)! Maureen and I were mates at UNN. Matriculated the same year, were in the same faculty and even took a few courses together. But back then I was really on the low socially so up until the last time I saw her (late last year) it was basically all light chit chat. As for Ebuka he’s an old boy of CKC Gwagwalada, same as my bro and I. They still got a little under 90 days to keep doing their thing; I wonder how far they’ll both go. ***Shakes head, TRAE which day you join groupies them? ***.

Also we got “a first” coming up tomorrow. It’s the Hip Hop World Awards. It’s the first ever awards dedicated solely to Nigerian Hip hop. Too bad that my ass won’t be in Lagos to witness the whole shit.

Maureen and Ebuka. My peoples: when I shine, you shine; when you shine, I shine. It’s all love.

Anybody who knows me well knows that I’m intoxicated with my radio/music as much as Uganda’s Yoweri Museveni is intoxicated with power (but I dey think clearly oh!). So I don’t take it lightly with anybody who tries to diminish the enjoyment I derive from music/listening to the radio. In line with that, this post goes out to Hot FM 98.3, an Abuja radio station because from my point of view they can really do with some improvements. They’re one of the nine radio stations in Abuja; they’re privately owned and have been around for over a year. Other stations in the ABJ area are: Cool FM 96.9, Rhythm FM 94.7, Ray Power 100.5, Crowther FM 104.5, Kapital FM 92.9, Aso Radio 93.5, Vision FM 92.1 and Zuma FM 88.5. The improvements should be in four major ways:

Reading of playlists should be stopped. It would really help if you guys stopped letting in us in on the songs you’re going to play for the next hour before playing them. It spoils the fun of the whole thing. When playlists are left unpredictable, when the songs come up they are all the more enjoyable for the song’s lovers. It hits them like a gift from heaven. I guess that’s why we all love the shuffle/random function on our PC’s media player, CD deck, Discman, IPod etc. But when the playlist is announced and the songs don’t suit a listener’s taste he most likely changes the dial and that ain’t good for listernership numbers.

Presenters should stop being empty. This sounds harsh but for real your presenters are empty. In the sense that most of the time they have nothing to say…dull personalities. E.g.: you just heard “be happy” hope you guys are happy, just heard “show me love” have you should someone love today? Etc. If they ain’t telling us we’re on to Hot FM and they’re playing hot music, they’re asking us if we’re hot, or telling us the time, or their names, or not to change the dial, or what they’ll be playing next. There’s nothing really captivating in their speech, nothing to make you look forward to listening to a particular presenter. Ideally besides the basics, presenters usually dish out facts, give advice, tell stories, jokes, give infotainment news, or say stuff that’s relevant to current societal happenings.

Cooling it with the hype and jingles. The hype you guys build on air (hot this, hot that) is too damn much and the jingles you play are too damn long and many. Can we get more of five seconds or less jingles? And it’s made all the more worse by the fact that minus music and news there’s not much to look forward to. Your presenters are not utilized well/fully thus their fan base is not built. Could we have more programmes and really interesting ones at that?

Presenters should work on their accent. As an on air personality your voice and accent should be pleasant to the ears. It’s good to go natural because if you fake you end up sounding stupid when speaking Pidgin English or pronouncing names in vernacular. I get an earache when I listen to a lot of your presenters. The chick (Shola) that anchors the “flava of Naija” youth programme on radio is a good example of how to balance your flow or keep it real both ways. Her flow is flexible such that she drops her English sweetly (she doesn’t blow hyper phonetics) and flawlessly switches to pidgin/vernacular when the need arises and it’s all pure. Okay now, adios.

Hot FM’s Chaz Bruce doing his thing. Picture originally available here.