Letter to my ex

I’ve been reading a lot of rhymes and poetry from africanhiphop.com’s poets and from everyone’s favourite Birmingham boy: Sir Aihammed Delot; and I’ve been mighty impressed. And being that I love the art I finally convinced myself to come out of recess and put something together for old time’s sake. So what did I come up with? A poem…a letter to my ex. Bon appetite.

Dear Promise it’s been twenty four months since we ended our oneness/
Two years gone by and I’ve gotten over the fondness/
No finance, no romance a learnt fact, no contest/
Don’t feel love; don’t say yes I’ve learnt to be honest/
Thanks for the nice moments, forgive me for the pains/
Now I treat ladies right, like they’re part of my brain/
Thanks for the sex, although I was two minutes at best/
Now I’m mighty blessed and play safe when I caress/
What we had got me schooled, now I know who I’ll wife/
Freak in bed, lady in streets, we’re one yet we is twice/
It’s a shame you’re still fooled, don’t want a nine to five/
Having a man ain’t all you need; there’s gotta be more to this life/

“PUN”chlines

Before you read this forgive me if I end up sounding like a little boy who just discovered that silk is made from worms.

I’ve always known there was a figure of speech called pun. knew what it was and have been seeing it in write ups but just finally did the research and I’ve come to discover that what we Hip hop heads call punchlines are actually (at times) equivalent to puns in the comedy and writing circles.

a pun by definition is the use of words, usually humorous, based on (a) the several meanings of one word, (b) a similarity of meaning between words that are pronounced the same, or (c) the difference in meanings between two words pronounced the same and spelled somewhat similarly.

Example 1: without they fingers in my toilet, they’re feeling my shit
By Modenine in “elbowroom”.

The pun is on the double meaning of feeling my shit. If someone just defecated and you put your fingers in his toilet you’d touch his faeces. But also when heads say they’re feeling someone’s shit it means they really like the person’s flow.

Example 2: Got a bill in my mouth like I’m Hillary Rodham
By Ali in Nelly’s “grillz”.

The pun is on the double meaning of bill. Grills are expensive (thousands of dollars) dental jewelry. So if you’ve got grillz in your mouth you’ve got a bill (banknote) in your mouth. Also Hillary Rodham Clinton is wife of ex-US president Bill Clinton. And so for Hillary to have a bill in her mouth it means she has Bill’s dick in her mouth…blowjob! Bill Clinton was of course famous for getting those favours from Monica Lewinsky during his presidency.

But as I said earlier not all punchlines are pun. This is clearly not a pun…no double meaning, it’s straight forward but it’s one hell of a way to end your rap. A punchline per excellence:

And I’m not cocky I’m confident/so when you tell me I’m the best it’s a compliment/
By Jadakiss in Ja-Rule’s “New York”

Come to think of it there’s even a pun in the word punchline.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us…

You must have heard about The Vatican, Neverland and the Kalakuta Republic. But it’s time to forget them all. Today I present to you the Cassava Republic…sorry I mean the Cocoyam Republic. It’s the land of the Wondering Wanderers nonetheless it’s not a place; it’s a state of mind. On this maiden tour of the Cocoyam Republic we’ll be exploring the issues of Orientation, Power shift and what to do when your company sucks.

I’ve always wanted to talk about this issue but the time was never right, but now it is. I’m really annoyed that no one ever took time out to orientate a brother, teach a kid a few things. In primary school quiet as I was I was always drafted into the debate team or one group or another. Little man as at then didn’t wholly grasp the relevance of a debate. Torturous as it was I went through all them stuff to make people happy. In my senior secondary years the words on people’s lips were JAMB UME and priesthood. Didn’t know what the heck JAMB UME was about nor did I understand the next line of action in the other lane: priesthood. How then did they expect a Youngman to have a purpose in life? I got to know the koko about JAMB UME in my final year and I’m still learning about the priesthood path. On to the university nobody properly schooled me on the course registration system or the result computation bureaucratic dynamics. Had to learn from my mistakes and some of them sure were costly. Sex education; forget it. The first time I heard the word sex from my parents was after secondary school when my Pops told me that I should be careful, because now if I “touched” a girl I could get her pregnant. Looking at all this someone might say I should not have been shy, that I should have asked questions and that way people would not have made assumptions. But my brother in this country children are to be seen and not heard. It’s not as easy as it seems. Presently most of the stuff I know is because I’m naturally inquisitive. The Internet has done a lot to feed my brain. People please take two and pass (teach someone). Life’s too short already; don’t make it worse for someone by letting them live in ignorance (ignorance which they’ll grow up to regret).

In these sharing of the national cake and rotational presidency days I wonder what’s up with hardcore power shift people. Don’t get me wrong power shift is a good thing; it lets a country get the best of both worlds at different times and it makes everyone happy. If fighting for South East presidency or for governorship to come to the North Central zone of a state it’s ok with me if you’re fighting because you know you’ve got a suitable leader to lead the country/state. But in reality most people are not fighting because they feel they’ve got the right leader, they’re fighting because they want a share of the national cake. Well politics is a dirty game so I guess it’s all good. But the part that really sucks is when I see a common man who has no links with any politician (Such that if an Hausa man, or a man from his town or Fidel Castro comes into power life will still be the same for him, he’ll still collect the same old poor salary) raising his voice and arguing loudly for power to come to a man from his place. Well what can I say, Nigerians love to talk politics.

Have you ever been in a situation where you know that the company you work for sucks? And to make it successful some staff would have to be done away with and fresh minds recruited. But the thing is that you’re in good terms with those that you think should be sacked and you wouldn’t want to see them out of their jobs. Plus when you go out and your company is being talked about on reflex you defend it/prop it. But in your heart you know the company sucks and that your competitors are way ahead of the game. Worse still you wish you were working elsewhere but you can’t leave because you’ve got no where to go. Ever been in such a situation? What did you do or what would you do?

The Cocoyam Republic…it’s all in the mind baby, it’s all in the mind.

It’s holiday season for the kids here in Naija, a whole two months of it (mid July to mid September). Young boys on my street are now tapping leather from morning to night! Israel and Lebanon are knocking each other out while the world watches; another unresolvable political murder has been committed, this time in Lagos. And yours truly is dragging his fucked up ass to the radio on the regular in the name of work. On that note I kick off my situation report of sorts.

I’ve been doing my thing in the Production department. We do the jingles and adverts, produce programmes and part produce the news etcetera. It’s been alright…I’m getting that knowledge and boosting my CV. One of the good things about this is that you get to meet and work with the stars. Groupie heaven you might say. Gospel artist and Kora award winner Sammy Okposo came by to promote his latest album; ABJ’s own Sixfootplus did same to promote his sophomore album. And upcoming producer turned Ragga artist: Uchie the African Rock star did as like. The director of the Orji Uzor Kalu for President Team: a certain Alhaji (it’s the usual “one Naija” political move. Northerners have Southern hype men and Southerners have Northern hype men) also came through to do his thing. But he blew it big time. He was talking as incoherently as a member of a rented crowd in a political rally would do if asked to explain his political stance. I’m sorry to say but if the eloquence of ones’ campaign manger determines ones’ results at the polls then Orji Uzor Kalu stands no chance in 2007.

Shit is also great cos I’ve been getting a feel of how radio stations work from the inside. Of particular interest to me is the airplay dynamics. A lot of upcoming artist do come around to drop their demos…singles in hope of decent spins to send them on their way to stardom. In fact Ruggedman’s new singles were dropped over two weeks back. I’ve always been of the opinion that we don’t give our local artists enough airtime and I still am. But I’ve been able to see things from the eyes of the On Air Personalities and DJs who do the actual spinning. You see life is all about the money and some complain that it’s unfair that the artists don’t drop a little something-something; especially when the artists goes major. It’s like the “monkey dey work, baboon dey chop” thing. Styl-Plus be touring and getting groupie love while I’m here stupidly spinning the cuts. Anyways it’s a two-way thing; the OAPs make the artist and the artist in turn make for the OAPs to have a job. With skill and dedication ice can always be sold to the Eskimos.

With all the rough drops and liners I have here I’m thinking of doing me a song. Don’t know what a liner is? Maybe this will help you. “Do re mi fa so la ti do”. “Hi this is Jay-Z; you’re listening to Mugu FM 41.9, don’t touch that dial”! You know get a tight beat and rap or sing over it for the verses while using an artist’s vocals as the chorus or part chorus. Have you heard Cassidy’s “I’m a hustler” or 2shotz’ “which level”. Yeah that sorta thing, you just might hear a TRAE and Daddy Showkey song someday.

I better stop here before I’m become the latest employee who gets the boot for blogging. Last line, thanks to Tom Hanks we all know that the Godfather answers all of life’s questions. But do you know what the Godfather said when he was presented with a rotating chair (chair on wheels) for his birthday? He declared it the “greatest thing since sliced bread”! And man he wasn’t far from the truth. If you ain’t sitting on one on the daily than take it from me that you ain’t sitting; you’re standing. Peace!

Weird MC, one of the numerous artists that have made it to the moon…hey Weird who’re you giving the finger to?

Where are the Northern Nigerian intellectuals? The question came to mind after reading two articles from The Nigerian Village Square; which by the way is an excellent site. Someone might argue that the south controls the press and so the North is suppressed but what about the internet? It’s supposed to be no mans land but surprisingly of the blogs, forums and Nigerian portals I read input from people of Northern extraction is often minimal. Even a look at the Nigerian diaspora in Europe and Northern America suggest that numbers from the north are but a handful. Or could it be that since the North is predominantly Muslim they prefer the Arab countries? Or maybe it’s the simple mathematics that since they’re less literate there are subsequently less intellectuals? I might be going up North in a few weeks’ times so maybe I’ll find out for myself.

In light of the fact that a number of the Nigerian bloggers I read recently spoke on religion I’m seizing the opportunity to say my own religious bit. If one was born a Christian he’d love Christianity and think it’s the one true religion. If born a Muslim he’d love Islam and think it’s only way to go. Likewise if born a pagan like in the days of our forefathers he’d love his gods and think that’s the shit. Crazy ain’t it? But bro the fact is that religion is like college fraternities. You join and subsequently follow the rules of whichever you choose. All have unity in mind, all worship the same God and all have their various highs and lows. In fact the biggest bad of religion is that all claim to be un-contradictory and perfect as a way of life when in fact none is perfect. Don’t get me started on the imperfections, Google is your friend. The funny thing is as much as they have contradictions we still need ‘em. So do your thing people; for me I’ll most likely be found in the Catholic Church.

When it comes to male-female stuff it’s often the guy that initiates the topic for discussion and then both get chatting (especially when they’re at the getting to know each other stage). But there’s room for exception, we love a girl who keeps us captivated, listening, laughing and going with her flow. In fact I really hate it when a girl calls me and has nothing to say; you know expecting me to dictate the flow. Bitch you called, speak to me, stop making me look like a jerk, I’m not Dave Chapelle you know, I don’t get paid to talk. Wallahi such stuff makes me want to decree that if you ain’t calling me about money (money coming to me, if you’re a guy) or sex (if you’re a girl) then don’t bother calling me.

Perfection can only be found in football, music, pictures…things of that sort

So I’ve been nine to fiving at a radio station for a week now. How’s it been? Ok…yeah ok. The highs: for a starter the free fast steady Internet access…yeah definitely that. Funny thing is that in Naija it’s the exception rather than the norm. The experience and knowledge being gained…priceless. It’s really a good way to set going in the industry. The music…music-library, damn! Songs I’ve being dying for are now suddenly all at my feet. God bless me! As for the lows…my friend you don’t wanna know.

During the week Chxta came through; second time meeting up with him. Along with his buddy funny-pimping Oria had fun moving round the city center. Something I hardly do, not that I ain’t outgoing but I’ve got other shit to deal with so I often don’t bother. See the pic below…cool!

Children of the corn: Oria, Chxta and TRAE

A man’s giving a speech at an occasion and he wants to talk about his wife and all that comes out is “and to my beautiful/lovely wife…”. Might not bother you but me thinks giving props to your wife with the only or first compliment being that she’s beautiful is kinda dumb…worldly. I know when it comes to marriage/relationships I’ve got my priorities in ladies well ordered. But for every other runs the dick/eye does the ordering. You know as men the first thing we see in a girl is beauty. If that’s covered then we look at other things…intelligence, humour, manners etc. Poor girls, gots to look their best 24-7 and touch their toes for pot-bellied guys. Talking about beauty fuck all the guys who say that Kemistry is ugly. For me she’s the best female Nigerian rapper I’ve ever heard. A listen to her song “shake ft Terry G” confirms that.

Stereotyping and tribalism is a bitch. We might not want to admit it but we’ve all got it in us to some extent. Hate it when Nigerians go into the tribalism debate. It’s all childish and unproductive cos in essence no one tribe is better than the other. It’s like arguing which are better, red or green apples. Blame the stereotypes in us on our parents, the society and the media that brings us up. Somebody tell me what the fuck you feel when you read this from a teenager on Nairaland in a thread where the aim is to declare your tribe:

uhhh?? Me Igbo?? Tufiakwa! (no offence to the igbo’s oo). But i am not Igbo.

Tufiakwa = “God forbid” in Igbo.

Two extra years in UNN, partially my fault/
But fuck it I’ve now got my statement of result/
Enough lessons learnt, give all praises to Jah/
NYSC next level, come September I ja/…one!

Interpretation: I’ve now OFFICIALLY joined the prestigious group of people with a first degree from UNN. I sent the above sms to some friends. Here’s my favourite reply; it’s from Stanclef:

Your next target, the labour market/
You’ve got your statement, the future is now the present/
Get a job, get married and raise rugrats/
Finally hommie congrats/…go get high

So I’ve got two months before service, seems I’ll be interning at one of the radio stations in Abuja. Let’s see how it goes.

Catherine: What do we do now, Nick?
Nick: Fuck like minks, raise rugrats and live happily ever after.
Catherine: Hate rugrats.
Nick: Fuck like minks, forget the rugrats, and live happily ever after

One of the classic movie quotes/last lines. It’s from Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas’ Basic Instinct. Talk about being pussy whipped.

WorldCup ’06…it’s almost over; just had to put in some of my observations. Have you noticed the alarming number of early goals scored in this tournament; particularly in the group stages and in the second round? By early goals I mean goals scored in the first ten minutes, and to be precise in the fourth minute! It almost became a ritual, game kicks off and I’m looking at my watch. Four minutes later, pronto! The net is shaketh. It’s really that easy…or is it?

Have you also noticed the glaring similarity of team jerseys? I swear it’s annoying; uniqueness has been thrown to the winds, as except for colour teams now wear virtually the same jerseys! There was no difference between the white jersey of the Swiss and that of the Tunisians. Both teams were kitted by Puma (the main offenders in this case) who kitted a total of twelve teams at this finals, all with the same design template. What ever happened to the good old France ’98 days when each team had a completely different jersey design from the other even if kitted by the same sports company? Uniqueness is a much cherished human value…what more when it comes to national pride it goes without saying.

Johan Djourou of Switzerland and David Jemmali of Tunisia

Has anyone resident in Nigeria being having GSM voicemail issues? Well I have, but this article really put me through. You might want to check it out. Just know that the default voicemail number for Globacom is 0805111 and that of VMobile is 08020100155.

Dare Art Alade!

To be real with you I used to playa hate on the guy. I was like dude wants to use his charm and fame to sell records. Saw his well attended album launch on TV and I was like fuck it, he doesn’t deserve it. Yeah I’d heard a few of his songs but still wasn’t tripped, it’s until I saw his stage performance at the African Movie Academy Awards in Bayelsa State that I was won over. Excellent stage presence/performance and the songs weren’t bad either. After that I didn’t need much persuasion, I copped son’s album like it was drugs. After enough listens I can say the boy definitely has talent…plus a wonderful voice.

Being the son of one of Nigeria’s late musical greats Dare had a solid music foundation. Sang in the choir, started performing at shows early, worked on the radio and participated in an African reality-TV talent show: Project Fame. Finally some months back he came out with his 17-track debut from the stable of his Storm Records family. One thing to note about Dare is that although he sings he does so through a variety of genres. Rhythm and Blues, Hip hop, Fuji, Jazz etc nevertheless the album has a general theme of love, inspiration and dance. Production wise the tracks were laced mainly in Nigeria and South Africa.

Personally the tracks that appeal to me are (in no particular order): escalade, original Naija 1, fuji 1, sijioni, escalade part 2 and Youngman 1. “Escalade” is a soulful ballad that talks of a young man’s desire to have a meaningful relationship with a lady regardless of his small cash flow. On “Original Naija” he’s simply saying he’s proudly Nigerian till the grave. “Fuji” is a certified party track expectedly with some fuji flavour. “Sijioni” is a love song to that special girl; the chorus is taken in some South African language and the verses in Yoruba and English. On “escalade part 2” along with some featured artists he’s saying something like this: “if you don’t like me because of my low cash flow, then to hell with you”. “Youngman” which was recorded years ago basically says yes I’m young and I’m African but best believe that I’m musically skilled.

On the down side, the album had a little too much variety. Reggae, Jazz, Hip Hop, Rhythm and Blues etc. it’ll really benefit him if on his next album he tries to be the master of one trade and not the jack of all. Also he seems to have been bitten by the Nigerian remix craze. Having two versions of Fuji with the only difference being the featured rapper is kind of dumb. The same thing applies to “Youngman”. Why remix it a second time with just a new set of rappers? What’s the point? The first version with El Dee and KB was just ok. The “original Naija” remix without the rap was to fill up space abi? But the thing that really ticks me off about the album is that it isn’t well mastered. Some of the songs are of different volumes and adjusting your radio while playing the CD can be annoying. After all said and done I give the album three and a half stars out of five.

Listen to “escalade”. More info on the artist and album available at www.dareartalade.com

Note: This post is used for the purpose of cultivating interest in the featured musician. It is more of a promotional tool rather than an illegal file sharing means. However, if you are an artist or a label represented here and you would like your music removed let me know and it will come down immediately.

Paul Play on one of his former album covers.

After learning from Laide of the exschoolnerd’s Xanga fame that “forever” by Paul Play Dairo was her and her boyfriend’s official song I kept my ears on alert. I finally heard the song on radio, fell in love with it, consulted with the gods and before you knew it Paul Play Dairo’s third offering since he blew up in 1999 was mine.

The songwriter, producer cum musician and son of the late Nigerian music legend I.K. Dairo must have been up to two things prior to recording the album. Firstly he must have been listening to a lot of Brian Mcknight, Carl Thomas and some old school Hip hop joints from the early nineties. And secondly he must have been like “to hell with the critics who said you can’t score unless you come in a traditional genre while singing in vernacular or pidgin”. That’s because unlike his former albums which had a fair share of Highlife, Juju, Ragga and Nigerian flavour on this album he was strictly Rhythm and Blues with one Hip hop track for effect. What more if not for the guest raps and the accent you probably wouldn’t know the album was Nigerian. Dude just did what was on his mind, the end product of which is a nine tracker released under the playgroundentertainment label (which includes two remixes) with a general theme on love.

Propelled by the smash hits “angel of my life” and “forever” (both of which have remixed versions) which are sure to send any listener into a love frenzy Paul Play shows with this album the depth of his talent in song writing and production. The voice is also great and couples are warned that after a night of hitsville, babyville often follows. As can be expected a few of the songs contain rap verses, Paul Play even dropping some himself in “crying in the rain”. The track “playground anthem” is the exception. It’s a rap song with Playground Entertainment’s own artists: Ruff Rugged and Raw having the rap honours and being on point while Paul takes the chorus. It’s a perfect Hip Hop song and along with “forever” it’s my favourite on the album. This ain’t really a biggie but for Nigerian standards the album design was tight.

Talking about the cons of the album I must say that for a producer an album with just seven tracks is quite pitiful. The two remixes on the album also sucked. They weren’t much different than the originals, just a minor instrumentals adjustment (to make it party worthy) and a change of rap verses. Seems it’s the latest Nigerian fad…oh dear. On the whole though the album rocks for me, on a scale of five I’m giving it four stars.

Listen to “forever” featuring Alibu and B Rite. More info on the artist and album available at www.playgroundentertainmentng.com

Note: This post is used for the purpose of cultivating interest in the featured musician. It is more of a promotional tool rather than an illegal file sharing means. However, if you are an artist or a label represented here and you would like your music removed let me know and it will come down immediately.

A few days ago I was checking my blog stats like I normally do and I saw I was getting crazy hits from the BBC. I put on my imaginary glasses and discovered I was quoted in an article titled: “Blogging Africa’s World Cup”. The article is basically a collation of a few African bloggers take on the ongoing WorldCup. Damn, that’s totally righteous man. It’s nice to get the chance to represent Africa at something.

I swear it’s cool watching football with no strings attached. Patriotism can be a real muther******. I remember our loss to Côte d’Ivoire at the ACN2006 semi-finals; I’ve never been as annoyed because of a match as I was then. I was raving and yelling through out the game and at blast of the final whistle I felt like crying. Added to that Momsie teased me after the loss and I stormed out of the house angry. But you should see me now; I’m a big flirt football wise and its fun!

As much as the WorldCup is a melting point of cultures, the national teams are melting points of another kind. You can find peeps of all types repping one country. And it’s courtesy of the mix-raced thingy, immigration and emigration, acquired citizenship and footballers playing for the countries of their parents. Checkout Figueiredo and Ricardo of Angola or the black dominated French squad with space sef for the Indian like Dhorasoo to fit in. it’s a beautiful thing ain’t it?

I think it’s about time God sent me a laptop. Computers are so much a part of my life that it’s criminal for me not to have one. There’s only one PC at my crib and PHCN issues coupled with sharing issues often deny me the chance of enjoying the damn thing to the max. I swear PC waiting is worse than TV waiting (sitting through a boring program on TV and not being able to change it cos someone else is watching it). Just as some Nigerians like to say “South South for Presidency in 2007, non negotiable!”; I’m saying I need to use the PC when I need to use the PC, non negotiable!

I’m tired of reading/hearing stuff from people (arguing with people) at the opposite end saying Hip hop is bad, Hip hop is dead, Nigerian artists sound and sing too Westernized, Hip hop artists swear too much, TRAE stop swearing…whatever man. “That’s how it is” by OD is just what the doctor recommended. Over and out.

The Black stars of “Africa”, una well done

I’ve been being shuffling/reediting my posts of recent. The first two comments of this post are testament to that. But any which ways no think am, just enjoy the writing.

Dey don mark am say we go make am
Papa God don sign am say we do am
Na my destiny, so make you no think am

Have you heard that song? It might be rhymeless and might be the latest hit by a fluke-one hit wonder-Lagos ghetto boy but I sure am feeling it.

Translation:
It has been declared that we’ll make it in life
God himself has signed It that we’ll succeed
It’s my destiny so don’t even think about stopping my progress

Was feeling iree yesterday so I copped four albums. Dare Art Alade’s “from me 2 u”, Paul Play Dairo’s “hitsville”, Sound Sultan’s “the compulsory text-book” and Rymzo de Gusto’s “mysterious”. Oophs, they’re all Lagos based artist, anyways good music is good music. But I’m still waiting on a tight “rap” Nigerian album, I’ve seen no one worth coping yet (I’ve been meaning to buy El Dee of the Trybesmen’s album, but I can’t seem to find it). So is it a case of no one keeping it real rap-wise again, poor marketing or maybe I’m not checking the right music stores? By the way I recorded a song last week with a bunch of guys. But I haven’t been able to get my hands on a copy. When I do I’ll upload it. Watch this space for follow ups.

The WorldCup starts today! But the problem is that the power situation in Abuja is at its all time worst. PHCN are so fucking unpredictable, they seize the power almost every day for at least five hours. Some years back we were really living it up in AMAC (Abuja Municipal Area Council) but now I’m sorry to say I enjoy more power at UNN than I do here. Kai! Anyways make I no think am, match viewing center na de very place to hit.

I know say you get issues and worse still Naija no go dey WorldCup but no think am, just enjoy the football