One of the best examples I’ve ever come across in my life of nepotism/the-power-of-connections/long-leg/man-know-man sadly pertains to my recent job offer; “Nigeria we hail thee”! It came kind of instantly, from the least expected of places and took me by surprise. I admit for an idealist it’s not such a cool thing but at the end of the day it’s just one of those times that I have to do what’s best for me.

As my good chat buddy “Elliot Hendrix” rightly deciphered, my feeling on getting the offer can be summed up in the phrase: “she connected the dots for me to call the shots”.

As at now the Job’s not really my ideal and I’ll still be on the look out for something better but there’s no denying that I’ll now be better occupied and the steady income that comes with the job will lift my spirits tremendously. That’s highly welcomed considering the fact that over the past 3 years I’ve grown into an excessively sober person very much unlike the fun carefree dude I used to be. So let me get back into the spirit with this, albeit in a very swift manner:

I’m Nigerian by origination
Twenty four by age
A liberal Christian by inclination
A mere mortal in a cage
A football lover essential(ly)
All things music is my balm
Web 2.0 Intellectual
Fun loving young man with a charm

happily wired, happily hired

I must confess that I’ve always wanted to do this (a blow by blow account of a music show) ever since I read thisday music festival october 7th & 8th, 2006 and RHYTHM UNPLUGGED Lagos: THE REVIEW…a must read. I hope this rocks and if it doesn’t you’d be entitled to a refund of the 10 minutes of your life you’re about to spend reading this.

The show which held on the 8th of September (2007) at the Ladi Kwali hall of the Sheraton Hotel Abuja was put together by the Wetin Dey? organizers. Wetin Dey? a 30 minutes television drama with HIV awareness and prevention as its main theme is itself sponsored by the BBC World Service Trust.

I took the original notes for this post with my Nokia…1100! It’s crazy the shit we learn to manage so well with. Unfortunately I have no pictures of the event to share. I didn’t have a device to make that possible and the digital camera of the chick I sat with wasn’t recharged enough.

On the lucky side I got a seat at the front row, which definitely is the best seat at shows from a “fan”atic perspective. With it comes the privilege of seeing the artists up, close and personal with all the energy or lack of it they bring to their act. You also get to touch them if they ever deal out handshakes. Although I didn’t bother about that second bit because I was feeling kind of reserved at the night.

The show which was a mixture of music, fashion, talk and drama started at about 6.25pm as against the original commencement time of 4pm, which meant arriving late because I completed watching the 3pm Super Eagles game counted for nothing. If music is my beloved son, football is its twin.

The MC for the show was one of the Wetin Dey? actresses. If you follow the drama you’d recognize her as the wife of the policeman. She did a nice job; humour and class combined in one. The co-sponsors of the show did theirs too by providing free HIV counseling and testing in front of the event venue; though I doubt that a lot of people took advantage of that. Talking about people the attendance was over 100% and incident free. Kind of expected though considering the fact that the audience was a representation of the crème de la crème of the posh/ajebotas Abuja youths.

The performance roaster for the event was almost endless with the artists scheduled to come on stage in the order of their level of success/establishment in the industry. You might disagree with the listing but I think they got it pretty right. And being that the acts were much and time wasn’t the deal was that it was to be more or less a song per act. Despite that they were expected (and they did) to throw a line or two about protection against HIV during their piece.

After several upcoming acts had come and gone it was Noree the non rhyming but sweet “baby no dey lie” ABJ crooner’s turn. I thought he’d perform his “baby no dey lie” song and wow the crowd but the brother had a new song premiere plan instead. The highlight of his performance was this amusing incident which I suspect was rehearsed. Midway into his act a guy ran on stage to embrace him kneeling down (I guess that’s a forgivable lapse on the part of the bouncers as they generally did a good job of protecting the artists on stage) and Nore gave the guy his copy of the show’s invitation card, after which the guy did the sign of the cross as if he’d just been blessed by a reverend father and then left the stage.

Seun the sweet voiced gospel artist and FUTH Minna graduate was next. I don’t really know the name of his song he did but what the heck, I love all his songs! For me he killed it but judging by the relative indifference of the hall he’s got to work on his publicity.

Of all the upcoming (and hitherto unknown to me) artists on parade I felt this swagger heavy guy the most. I didn’t get his name but the rap song had the “she go say I be lady” part of Fela’s “lady” continuously looped as the chorus. Ingenious! His hypeman was what made his act thick though. The dude was fat as fuck but displayed dance moves from several genres much to the delight of the crowd.

When they were gone the DJ spinned Olu Maintain’s “yahoozee” and it got the hall crazy with everyone doing the yahoozee dance. I must say the DJ was great on the night, some others would say he’s much better than the over hyped Jimmy Jatt

The yahoozee frenzy didn’t last for long as Uche a gospel rock artist (rock artists in Nigeria are endangered species) was due to do her thing. Her song rocked! Pun intended; reminds me of Evanescence’s “bring me to life”. And the chorus is in…wait for it, Igbo! She’s also a dancer and a medical practitioner. Not bad but what was with all the dancing on stage, that’s not what rock is about. I could have sworn she attended UNN or UNEC; someone like her was a regular feature at school shows…that’s without the rock part though.

When she was done Bemsar the guitar man came on to do his “something good” gospel song. It left me feeling Godly. There was a drama sketch afterwards that featured a few of the Wetin Dey? cast. It was written by an HIV positive guy, evidence of the fact that testing positive doesn’t mean one’s career goal is done for. There were other breaks where speakers came to talk on HIV related issues, particularly of note was one cute dreads wearing chick. Damn the virus.

Age Beeka came through after the talk. He did some new songs from his forth coming album and as usual brought the whole gyrating on stage thing to his act.

And things could only get better as MI came on after him. The phrase “short but mighty” aptly fits the Chocolate City rapper! He was the first act of the night to have the crowd literarily eating out of the palm of his hands. He talked to the crowd about himself, his music and the circumstances that led to the writing of the two songs he performed: a narrative love song and his conscious intelligent “crowd mentality” hit.

The first part of the fashion parade was then rolled out featuring male and female models. The second part and wrap up came later on in the course of the show. It was my first catwalk live viewing. Nice moves I must say and excellent work with the wrappers, or is it ankara that it’s called? Ladies help me out; the designer was a cutie too.

Terry Tha Rapman subsequently came on with AT as his hypeman (AT had earlier on did his own solo, an R&B cover of an American rap song, thumbs down bro). Sadly Terry’s performance on the night was as poor as his dressing. His on stage carriage was weak and he made “na beans” and “only for Naija” look like dumb songs.

Sixfootplus the Abuja based hip hop veteran was next. Though I personally feel he has passed his prime he had a great performance and the crowd loved him. AT made his 3rd appearance on stage as Six’s hypeman. If OD was there too for his “don’t hate” hit I would have puked as AT would have made it a record 4th time on stage. Six had the some Tiv dancers on for “swange” from his 1999 album and then wrapped things up with the more current “e don do me”. The sing along chorus value of both songs really enhanced his performance.

After him was 2shotz (With MI of all people as his hypeman! I’m guessing that was an impromptu arrangement) and true to pun rules his performance was too short. He worked the whole hall into a frenzy and then left almost as soon as he came in. Sort of like getting mami wet with the foreplay thing only to slip out before the big O under the pretext of meeting up with wifey for dinner.

Sasha was next. By this time with each act the audience crowded around the stage cheering on, some others taking pictures with their phones and digital cameras and hustling for space with the professional photographers and video camera men. I might not really be into her but I admit she was good, the crowd showed her love particularly 3 boys who were drooling at her through out her time on stage.

Shit was progressively getting bigger, it was Modenine’s turn. Sage came on first to do a spoken word intro. I couldn’t appreciate his poetry, probably because the noise levels were by now high in anticipation of Modo. Poetry done with it was time for rap; Modo stepped out with Kraft tagging along. He was thoroughly mobbed as almost all the young core hip hop lovers rushed towards the stage. It was the first time that more than half of the audience was up on their feet, I had to stand up too else I see nothing. He did “cry”, “Nigerian girls”, “Lagos state of mind” and his verse on “stylee” (Modo displaying his new found Lagos love in front of his original ABJ people was…queer) with the crowd rapping along with him word for word. I admit this made me really happy; it’s what hip hop is about from a fan’s perspective and it’s good to see this happening in Nigeria and to our own artists. But what was with Modo’s cap, he was switching its position like every single minute. He should have just thrown the damn thing to the audience like top acts do. More than a handful of the crowd were half expecting him to do so.

One hit wonder Weird MC (she solely got rich off “ijoya” and the feature on P-Square “bizzy body remix”. I must slap myself for still harbouring hustler ambitions) wrapped up the show. She came in with the P-Square intro, you could have thought P-Square were in the house. I must give it to her though as she bettered Modenine by getting the whole hall standing. She did her “bizzy body” lines, some other nothing-extraordinary songs of hers and then the big hit: “ijoya”. She might be a small woman but she packs more than her fair share of energy as she covered all corners of the stage and even the crowd stands. The show ended well after 10pm.

I’ve not at all been happy with most of the Rhythm 94.7 Abuja Hit Song of the Week selections of the past few…months! A lot of which have been ridiculous nonsensical songs…which are not even “sweet”! This is the kind of thing that makes one take Modenine’s point of view: “bling bling, bubble gum rap, I don’t feel that”. Having got my grown man on I’m kind of not feeling such theme of songs but I could make exceptions for tracks like Cassie’s “long way to go”. The song’s a banger so I guess it’s bumpable on my radio and gets my nod for song of the week. But sadly majority of the selections are a glorifying of C-class US acts/songs to the detriment of our own artists. I therefore consider it an insult to be put through the torture of hearing such type of songs week after week. Surely Rhythm can’t tell me that these are the songs Nigerians of all classes honestly prefer as their song of the week.

My research led me to realise that the choice of foreign songs over ours is because of the fear of being labelled as playing favouritism and the “why should I do this artist a big favour when I’m getting nothing in reply” feeling. I just wish the DJs and On-Air personalities knew that as far as a song’s tight no one has a problem with you shoving it down our ears for your “friend’s” sake.

But after all said and done if they still decide to stick with foreign songs (after all it’s their prerogative) I would be happy if they picked from the generally acceptable stock. I’m still waiting on the day we’ll see Nigerian songs of the week on a regular basis. That honour could really lift someone’s career.

I’m in love…with the music, are you?

It beats me why many of us who claim to be the perfect wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend material always have lonely Valentines or are forever wishing on love and moaning about needing a partner. So to unravel the mystery I started with myself. Over the course of conversing with this new chick that I’m really feeling I realised that I’m actually the shit but when I consider my finances I always loose confidence in my ability to cope in the relationship department. I thus bug off and go for the easy lay…how sad. So the jury’s out, we know other people (unromantic cheating guys, money hungry girls etc) and circumstances can be blamed for your loneliness but what portion of the blame are you willing to apportion to yourself for being lonely?

Fuck traditional roles I believe in gender equality. Rhythm Unplugged, Rhythm 94.7 Abuja’s music-comedy show comes up over the weekend. Any lady wants to take me out?

The Nigerian job market is one big fear and challenge for graduates; it fucks with you big time. For the guys as a graduate you’re seen as “promising” so you have it some what easier with the ladies, but it’s not the case when you ain’t earning. You loose taste in chicks because at this stage they’re more of an unwanted expense than a lover/friend/f*ck buddy/friend with benefits. Job wise yours truly has been condemned to teach in Benue. It’ll be good as I’ll get the chance to make an impact in the lives of teenagers and it’ll be a nice life lesson/experience (but I never was low on experience and I believe I’m an all rounder who does a good job of adapting to the posh or hard life extremes). But career wise it ain’t shit and it’s more like a one year waste.

In that light self-employment really is the way to go. It’s all about having a winning idea and adequate funding. But it’ll require patience, intelligence and hard work. Me I want to be on that ish, the “your own boss” levels. With that mindset it bothers me when I see people my age or slightly older than me still in school (early college years), still content to be largely dependent on their parents, and flaunting about living the extravagant life when they didn’t personally work for most of what they’re enjoying…E don do, pens down. Right about now the “in memory of the money” song will start playing. Can you hear it?

I’ve been reading a lot of rhymes and poetry from africanhiphop.com’s poets and from everyone’s favourite Birmingham boy: Sir Aihammed Delot; and I’ve been mighty impressed. And being that I love the art I finally convinced myself to come out of recess and put something together for old time’s sake. So what did I come up with? A poem…a letter to my ex. Bon appetite.

Dear Promise it’s been twenty four months since we ended our oneness/
Two years gone by and I’ve gotten over the fondness/
No finance, no romance a learnt fact, no contest/
Don’t feel love; don’t say yes I’ve learnt to be honest/
Thanks for the nice moments, forgive me for the pains/
Now I treat ladies right, like they’re part of my brain/
Thanks for the sex, although I was two minutes at best/
Now I’m mighty blessed and play safe when I caress/
What we had got me schooled, now I know who I’ll wife/
Freak in bed, lady in streets, we’re one yet we is twice/
It’s a shame you’re still fooled, don’t want a nine to five/
Having a man ain’t all you need; there’s gotta be more to this life/

“PUN”chlines

Before you read this forgive me if I end up sounding like a little boy who just discovered that silk is made from worms.

I’ve always known there was a figure of speech called pun. knew what it was and have been seeing it in write ups but just finally did the research and I’ve come to discover that what we Hip hop heads call punchlines are actually (at times) equivalent to puns in the comedy and writing circles.

a pun by definition is the use of words, usually humorous, based on (a) the several meanings of one word, (b) a similarity of meaning between words that are pronounced the same, or (c) the difference in meanings between two words pronounced the same and spelled somewhat similarly.

Example 1: without they fingers in my toilet, they’re feeling my shit
By Modenine in “elbowroom”.

The pun is on the double meaning of feeling my shit. If someone just defecated and you put your fingers in his toilet you’d touch his faeces. But also when heads say they’re feeling someone’s shit it means they really like the person’s flow.

Example 2: Got a bill in my mouth like I’m Hillary Rodham
By Ali in Nelly’s “grillz”.

The pun is on the double meaning of bill. Grills are expensive (thousands of dollars) dental jewelry. So if you’ve got grillz in your mouth you’ve got a bill (banknote) in your mouth. Also Hillary Rodham Clinton is wife of ex-US president Bill Clinton. And so for Hillary to have a bill in her mouth it means she has Bill’s dick in her mouth…blowjob! Bill Clinton was of course famous for getting those favours from Monica Lewinsky during his presidency.

But as I said earlier not all punchlines are pun. This is clearly not a pun…no double meaning, it’s straight forward but it’s one hell of a way to end your rap. A punchline per excellence:

And I’m not cocky I’m confident/so when you tell me I’m the best it’s a compliment/
By Jadakiss in Ja-Rule’s “New York”

Come to think of it there’s even a pun in the word punchline.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us…

I’ve been doing my thing in the Production department. We do the jingles and adverts, produce programmes and part produce the news etcetera. It’s been alright…I’m getting that knowledge and boosting my CV. One of the good things about this is that you get to meet and work with the stars. Groupie heaven you might say. Gospel artist and Kora award winner Sammy Okposo came by to promote his latest album; ABJ’s own Sixfootplus did same to promote his sophomore album. And upcoming producer turned Ragga artist: Uchie the African Rock star did as like. The director of the Orji Uzor Kalu for President Team: a certain Alhaji (it’s the usual “one Naija” political move. Northerners have Southern hype men and Southerners have Northern hype men) also came through to do his thing. But he blew it big time. He was talking as incoherently as a member of a rented crowd in a political rally would do if asked to explain his political stance. I’m sorry to say but if the eloquence of ones’ campaign manger determines ones’ results at the polls then Orji Uzor Kalu stands no chance in 2007.

Shit is also great cos I’ve been getting a feel of how radio stations work from the inside. Of particular interest to me is the airplay dynamics. A lot of upcoming artist do come around to drop their demos…singles in hope of decent spins to send them on their way to stardom. In fact Ruggedman’s new singles were dropped over two weeks back. I’ve always been of the opinion that we don’t give our local artists enough airtime and I still am. But I’ve been able to see things from the eyes of the On Air Personalities and DJs who do the actual spinning. You see life is all about the money and some complain that it’s unfair that the artists don’t drop a little something-something; especially when the artists goes major. It’s like the “monkey dey work, baboon dey chop” thing. Styl-Plus be touring and getting groupie love while I’m here stupidly spinning the cuts. Anyways it’s a two-way thing; the OAPs make the artist and the artist in turn make for the OAPs to have a job. With skill and dedication ice can always be sold to the Eskimos.

With all the rough drops and liners I have here I’m thinking of doing me a song. Don’t know what a liner is? Maybe this will help you. “Do re mi fa so la ti do”. “Hi this is Jay-Z; you’re listening to Mugu FM 41.9, don’t touch that dial”! You know get a tight beat and rap or sing over it for the verses while using an artist’s vocals as the chorus or part chorus. Have you heard Cassidy’s “I’m a hustler” or 2shotz’ “which level”. Yeah that sorta thing, you just might hear a TRAE and Daddy Showkey song someday.

I better stop here before I’m become the latest employee who gets the boot for blogging. Last line, thanks to Tom Hanks we all know that the Godfather answers all of life’s questions. But do you know what the Godfather said when he was presented with a rotating chair (chair on wheels) for his birthday? He declared it the “greatest thing since sliced bread”! And man he wasn’t far from the truth. If you ain’t sitting on one on the daily than take it from me that you ain’t sitting; you’re standing. Peace!

Weird MC, one of the numerous artists that have made it to the moon…hey Weird who’re you giving the finger to?

I swear it’s cool watching football with no strings attached. Patriotism can be a real muther******. I remember our loss to Côte d’Ivoire at the ACN2006 semi-finals; I’ve never been as annoyed because of a match as I was then. I was raving and yelling through out the game and at blast of the final whistle I felt like crying. Added to that Momsie teased me after the loss and I stormed out of the house angry. But you should see me now; I’m a big flirt football wise and its fun!

As much as the WorldCup is a melting point of cultures, the national teams are melting points of another kind. You can find peeps of all types repping one country. And it’s courtesy of the mix-raced thingy, immigration and emigration, acquired citizenship and footballers playing for the countries of their parents. Checkout Figueiredo and Ricardo of Angola or the black dominated French squad with space sef for the Indian like Dhorasoo to fit in. it’s a beautiful thing ain’t it?

I think it’s about time God sent me a laptop. Computers are so much a part of my life that it’s criminal for me not to have one. There’s only one PC at my crib and PHCN issues coupled with sharing issues often deny me the chance of enjoying the damn thing to the max. I swear PC waiting is worse than TV waiting (sitting through a boring program on TV and not being able to change it cos someone else is watching it). Just as some Nigerians like to say “South South for Presidency in 2007, non negotiable!”; I’m saying I need to use the PC when I need to use the PC, non negotiable!

I’m tired of reading/hearing stuff from people (arguing with people) at the opposite end saying Hip hop is bad, Hip hop is dead, Nigerian artists sound and sing too Westernized, Hip hop artists swear too much, TRAE stop swearing…whatever man. “That’s how it is” by OD is just what the doctor recommended. Over and out.

The Black stars of “Africa”, una well done

Dey don mark am say we go make am
Papa God don sign am say we do am
Na my destiny, so make you no think am

Have you heard that song? It might be rhymeless and might be the latest hit by a fluke-one hit wonder-Lagos ghetto boy but I sure am feeling it.

Translation:
It has been declared that we’ll make it in life
God himself has signed It that we’ll succeed
It’s my destiny so don’t even think about stopping my progress

Was feeling iree yesterday so I copped four albums. Dare Art Alade’s “from me 2 u”, Paul Play Dairo’s “hitsville”, Sound Sultan’s “the compulsory text-book” and Rymzo de Gusto’s “mysterious”. Oophs, they’re all Lagos based artist, anyways good music is good music. But I’m still waiting on a tight “rap” Nigerian album, I’ve seen no one worth coping yet (I’ve been meaning to buy El Dee of the Trybesmen’s album, but I can’t seem to find it). So is it a case of no one keeping it real rap-wise again, poor marketing or maybe I’m not checking the right music stores? By the way I recorded a song last week with a bunch of guys. But I haven’t been able to get my hands on a copy. When I do I’ll upload it. Watch this space for follow ups.

The WorldCup starts today! But the problem is that the power situation in Abuja is at its all time worst. PHCN are so fucking unpredictable, they seize the power almost every day for at least five hours. Some years back we were really living it up in AMAC (Abuja Municipal Area Council) but now I’m sorry to say I enjoy more power at UNN than I do here. Kai! Anyways make I no think am, match viewing center na de very place to hit.

I know say you get issues and worse still Naija no go dey WorldCup but no think am, just enjoy the football

Obasanjo: An exit strategy By Reuben Abati

We say it’s third term agenda, they say its tenure elongation/
Naija we know is tender, it could have grave implications/
But when you’re power drunk you could do anything for an extension/
A double dose of funk and you’re indispensable to the nation/
The sycophants will hail you, go for three not just a pale two/
A close look at the AU, Museveni is the way to (way to go)/
But wise men still will tell you, leave when ovation is the loudest/
Cos when the shit don fell through, history’ll say that you lacked soundness/

How do i get this third term now, how?

Since it’s all about me/I just bought me a V/this is TRAE to the zee/phone number number three/. That’s the text I sent out to some of my peeps to tell em I just got a V-Mobile line. Glo hooked me with their sms, V-Mobile with their voicemail, MTN with their…i don’t know. It was the only option as at the time I bought it. It’s gone now though. Least I forget our favourite GSM e-zine is back! More power to Sagai J. Adam.

It’s really kind of funny the hatred some people can have for you. If I was a Nigerian politician I’d say my life is in danger as the dynamic duo of Nubiansoul and Sokari want to assassinate me … assassinate my character. In another way it’s kind of shocking. It’s like an evil dictator versus activist scenario, where the activist goes to any length to see to the evil dictator’s downfall. Damn ma, agreed I have my short comings (but who doesn’t) but if you really get to know me you’ll see that in truth I’m the harmless simple version of the mister nice guy brand (not to be confused with nice guy syndrome oh). Abeg live and let live jare. Thanks.