It’s almost been a month since I ditched my khaki and stepped into the free world, and if you asked me “nwokem ke kwanu?” I’d tell you “nna/nne…I just dey”.

Listening to RayPower Abuja 100.5 FM’s “Political Platform” at 9.15am on weekdays is one of the ways that have helped me keep my sanity. It’s a program which aims to wrap up the political news of the day in just 15 minute. And the presenters: Ehiedu Aniagwu, Mustafa Mohammed, Amaechi Anakwe and Okhiria Agbonsuremi are surely doing a good job at that. Quite similar to what their colleague Gbenga Arulegba does on AIT Abuja’s “Focus Nigeria” from 9-10am on weekdays. One thing though is that in the heat of the analysis the presenters at times take things too personal and display unprofessionalism. But who can blame them, since on the other hand NTA chose to be unobjective during the famous third term craze and to some extent in this year’s general elections. Another thing I’ve realized about the show is that the same magnitude with which they hate Obasanjo is the same magnitude with which they respect Yar’dua (well that’s quite common on a lot of fronts). Anyway the popularity of the show is evidence of the fact that the respect of people’s right to free speech is to a large extent well alive in Nigeria.

If RayPower helps me with my sanity the FRSC makes me loose it. I just got my (renewed) driving license after over two months of stress. And that’s because I chose not to cut corners but follow due process. Damn I hate guys in uniform; inefficiency is their middle name in Nigeria! Fuck that though as I should be on to better things this evening. I just got my invitation card to the BBC world Service Trust sponsored “Wetin Dey?” Da Mix show at the Sheraton Hotel. It should be some great entertainment as Modenine, Terry Tha Rapman, Weird MC, MI (of the crowd mentality fame) amongst others are on the bill. Shamefully I haven’t attended too many shows in the FCT so I’m really looking forward to this.

Quick observation; is it not hypocritical that we celebrate when Nigerians are making waves abroad with their businesses but suddenly feel threatened or that there’s cause for alarm when foreigners come here and rake in huge profits with their own businesses. Anyway this seems to be true for all nations; it’s a greedy world isn’t it?

This was the scene after one of our goals in our first match against France in the soon to end FIFA Under-17 WorldCup. They seem to be doing some traditional dance steps. See as the assistant referee come dey bad eye dem. Abeg just bring home the cup jare, no do like dem Femi Opabunmi of the 2001 Under-17 and dem Mikel Obi of the 2005 under-20 who went all the way only to loose at the finals.

Fellow Nigerians as is expected everybody and their blog alter ego has a take on current situations in the nation. Well not to be outdone here’s my own, only that it’s in a “no long thing” format. Cheers.

Naira Redenomination policy
My verdict: not a bad policy. A lot of the people against it just haven’t fully understood or read up on the implications. But Soludo does deserve some heavy knocks for not thinking of it earlier and allowing millions to be wasted on the now needless new coins and notes, plus millions more that are yet to be wasted on further reprinting and mass-enlightenment. The only part I hate is the coins reintroduction; I don’t think we’ll ever get used to that again.

South South security situation
Like some other people thinking about this just makes me go “oh dear”. The Niger Delta might be getting the raw deal off their oil but violence is never the way to go about solving problems. All the cultist and militants are frauds; they’re all in it for the money. The police and military should for once wake up to their core duty of protecting life and property and deal with situation effectively.

Profligacy and embezzlement of national wealth by leaders
The House of Reps case being the latest example of this phenomenon. Blame this on our “chop-and-quench-tomorrow-fit-no-dey” psyche. It’s a shame we’ve gone so selfish misusing vast amounts of wealth not knowing that these same amounts can do wonders for local infrastructural community development or as grants to the less privileged. 8,500 Naira might be chicken change to a few people but for a lot of others particularly youth corpers it’s often been a life saver.

Lagos indecent dressing and Covenant University brouhaha
I know that in liberalized societies like the US and UK there is the tendency for the family system to be fucked up. But even worse things happen in the so called socialist, value-respecting societies. The fact is that democracy and its inherent freedom is the best way ever for society to live by. We’re all mortals and equals; no man has the right to forcefully impose his will or standards on others. We should chill with all the religious and moral hypocrisy and allow people to indulge as they like. It’s a free world, it’s their life and the consequences are theirs to bear alone.

Reduced English Premier League broadcast
I couldn’t care less about this. We’re already too obsessed with that league for our own good. Hopefully this will afford people the chance to now get a life. And instead when we keep it football it’ll now be by watching the Under-17 and Under-21 male teams, they seem to be doing well these days. And there’s even added joy with the Super Eagles; Berti Vogts has been getting us the friendlies on a regular basis! Although our joy would be complete if the games were transmitted live.

Uche Nworah-Binyavanga irony mix-up
We all have what we’re extremely passionate about and will defend till death, in Uche’s case it’s his beloved Ndigbo. It’s just that he took it overboard. No one’s perfect we all err; so everyone who’s been on his case is better off giving him a break. They should note that an advice given harshly often defeats its aim as it ends up upsetting its’ target instead of correcting it.

I’ve never watched as much movies as I’ve done in the past one month, (no) thanks to pirated DVDs from China that are now flooding the Nigerian market. Anyways it’s great stuff: very cheap top quality films to watch at will with little hassles!

Firstly for the records I didn’t vote in any of the 2007 general elections because I was stuck in Abuja and couldn’t get my self to Benue State where I was registered as a voter. But if I had voted it would have been along this line: the ADC’s Pat Utomi for President, The AC’s Adams Oshiomole and Babatunde Fashola for Governor (if I was registered in Edo or Lagos State respectively) and the PDP’s candidates for Abuja Municipal Area Council (AMAC) Chairman and Vice Chair. The elections were relatively peaceful, free and fair in my area and I monitored events on foot, by word of mouth, on phone and in the print, radio, television and online media.

And from my research I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of Nigerians don’t just know how to loose honourably and accept election defeat. So polls started late in some areas and there were misconducts in “a few” centers, and so what? The invasion of the pitch and the stretching off of a defender of a team who are already six nil down with five minutes to go doesn’t mean a match should be replayed. You would still have lost in any case.

And unfortunately Obasanjo’s fuck ups and the INEC’s Leadership blunders contribute in giving losers something to shout about. And because bad news is always the juiciest the media pounce on that, generalise and blow the whole thing out of proportions (for every original “my voting experience” well written and descriptive blog post there are ten one-paragraph unoriginal “electoral misconduct” blog post in the Nigerian blogosphere). Political losers now build on that, forget about being magnanimous in defeat and the next thing you know they’re holding press conferences accusing their opponents of rigging the elections.

It’s not strange that it’s only the defeated that complain. Even the PDP who have been the most accused turned around to whine in Lagos and Abia States where they lost the gubernatorials. It should tell you something, that rigging (where it truly manifests) is not a PDP only affair and that most people are just bad losers. To them there is no life outside politics and so it’s a deadly fight to the finish.

Let me let you in on something. With a large percentage of people with poor living standards Nigeria is still a place where people will vote for you in appreciation of the gifts you give them and with tribal sentiments. Research show that it’s the poor and ill informed that constitute a majority of the voting populace and since money plays a part in politics the rich political parties reach them, “campaign” and are able to win their votes.

The intellectuals, the media and those who should know better are in the minority. They support the better candidates but are often too occupied with work or pleasures, or feel too big to come out to vote. Their candidates forgetting that money is power and that politics is like advertising (if you don’t advertise you don’t sell) score miserably low in voter education and thus perform miserably at polls.

Adams Oshiomole, Pat Utomi and Jimi Agbaje

I’m sorry Mr Oshiomole; it’s possibly that more people truly voted for Osunbor. You’re a smart chap and I’m sure you’ll keep your self busy and strategise ahead of 2011. The same goes for Jimi Agbaje and possibly Pat Utomi. These unfortunately were the right candidates but with the wrong political machinery.

Personality reviews

I suggest you read Lolita’s Litanies’ Influences… blog post on Laide, It’s an article by one blogger objectively analysing another. Laide herself (to an extent) took it in good faith. Being a two year deep fan of Laide myself I could relate with a lot of Lolita’s opinions. I must say it was nice of her to do the review.

I’m quite an amateur psychologist, I’ve helped a lot of people out with analysis and dozen other such analyses I’ve kept to myself. I wonder what I would read if one of my loyal blog readers (not to sound egoistic but I’ve being blogging for almost three years now, do the maths) took time out to analyse me bringing out my strengths, my weaknesses and the areas for improvement. I’m not saying such analysis would be the gospel truth about myself because reading a couple of my posts online doesn’t mean you know me in-depth, but it would to a large extent help me redefine myself as out of the abundance of the heart the mind speaks (I blog).

Election disillusionment

A while back I was really excited about the 2007 Nigerian elections and was looking forward to the leadership change. But it’s really sad that as at today I don’t give a fuck about the elections…particularly the presidential one.

With the wisdom gained with age I’ve made a few changes to my past presidential choices. It’s truly sad but a whole lot of the candidates are unworthy to rule or hold leadership positions in a democratic Nigeria. They’ve messed up big time one way or the other that if I start calling names and offences I won’t end. Obasanjo, Atiku, Maurice Iwu, Nuhu Ribadu, Andy Uba, Adedibu, Alao-Akala, Ahmadu Ali, Yar’Adua, Goodluck Jonathan, Orji Uzor Kalu, Iyabo Obasanjo-Bello, Buhari, Ngige, IBB etc. Don’t get me started, in an ideal political setting when you don messed up you resign, apologise to the nation or go to press to clear your name because the collective good of the nation is always above self. But in a country like ours they’re quiet like sitting ducks because as far as you’ve got money and the right connections you can do no wrong.

I wince when I see campaigns on TV or in the flesh like the Benue State political rallies and road processions full of youths wearing white t-shirts with political imprints and making a hell of noise. The same people frustrated by their leaders don’t rebel but instead sell their soul for a few thousand Nairas. I guess it’s like prostitution, have one night of mutually beneficial fun and the next day it’s over to the next guy.

But if I eventually vote (I’m not sure anything will take me back to the remote place where I got registered in Benue State) I might as well pitch my tent with Pat Utomi or Chris Okotie…they’re far more blameless. I have to agree that “peer pressure” pushed me to like Utomi but he’s truly not such a bad guy and by far has greater substance than his competitors. As for Okotie let’s say I’ll have more peace of mind as a Nigerian with him in power than with a lot of the others vying for the same job.

The range of articulate and ideological candidates for the Lagos State gubernatorials is by far better than what we’ve got at the presidential level. The campaigns are great, they seem serious with a supposedly real passion to serve and as I heard they’re even going to hold a live political debate. Anyway Lagos has always being miles ahead of the competition in all spheres so I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised.

least I forget one of my online writing mentors: Uche Nworah (the other being ex-blogger Obifromsouthlondon) came correct with his first book: “The Long Harmattan Season”; a collection of his writings over the years as an internet columnist. Grab your copy today! Yeah I’m living in a glass house, but trust me I’ll get my own copy when I can.

For some ladies it’s the time of the month…sorry I mean time of the year, for love. For Terry Tha Rapman, as versed in Modenine’s “spazmodic”

it’s the time of the month so I’m writing raps all day/
punch lines keep flowing so I’m with my pad Always/
haha did you get that? flowing, pad, Always?/
let’s go back to when I was writing raps in school hall ways/
reading Superman comics, bumping Dr. Dre’s Chronic/
speaking Ebonics, my pastor said it was demonic/…

While for me it’s the time of the month where my thoughts flow, and so inevitably it’s another blog post :). Time don reach, abeg your kind permission to unleash.

Interviews! God damn, life is one big school of diplomacy. The interviews I’ve seen on TV and read in the print given by Obasanjo, Babangida, Adedibu, and Andy Ubah confirms the point. These are people we all know with serious cases to answer in the court of public opinion but when given the chance to bring em out our journalist disappoint at all levels. All they did was throw light questions at them, they never got deep into the one million Naira questions and at the end of the interviews we were back at square one. Not much learnt just the interviewees coming off at the top looking like saints. Let nobody attribute it to fear, it’s more of the “you chop I chop” policy. I give you five perfect moments of fame and you grease my palms…enhance my CV…guarantee me future exclusives. It’s the rat race, journalist gotta eat too you know.

And talking about politics, I was elected Fin Sec in the four-man Exco (executive committee) for corps members serving in Ukum LGA of Benue State. I’ve had a relatively quiet political past so I’m really pleased to have bagged that post. You know, I got to test my popularity and recognized that others believe in my capabilities. It’s got me slightly tipsy and feeling like I’ve got one over our politicians :). But I’m afraid that my mistakes and the manly ego coupled with my fear of tomorrow might not allow me serve to the best of my ability. You see I love myself…believe in myself and any one who wants to mess me up I’ll be like fuck him/her. But I’m not all hot though; I could put up with bullshit especially when I’ll come off better in the end. I just gotta check my grudge levels while taking in so I don’t kill myself inside while the oppressor’s happy.

if wishes were horses, beggars would ride/
if I said I’m falling, would you ask why/
if you should stop calling I’ll probably die/
and if I could see you, Val would be you and I/

Much love to “you”, you sabi who you be now. For everyone else happy Valentine’s Day!

Abeg permit the loveless pup to unleash

We’re nearing election time in Nigeria. And so in the spirit of the season I’ve drawn up a list, made up of people who to the best of my knowledge have declared for the presidency, those I think are serious contenders for the presidency and those who in my opinion are worthy to hold the highest office in the land. The analysis and opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone and are based on what I know about the people in my list. The criteria I used in ranking are 1) charisma, 2) eloquence, 3) intellect, 4) accomplishment, 5) political experience, and 6) election success possibilities. The ranking is in descending order of worthiness and voting possibilities. By voting possibilities I mean the chances of me casting a vote for them at the polls. Yep I voted in the 2003 elections. On that note let’s rumble!

D = Declared. Those who have declared their intention to run for the presidency
ND = Not Declared. Those who have not declared their intention to run for the presidency
WVF = Won’t Vote For. Those that you won’t catch me voting for

1 – Nasir El Rufai (ND)
Presently the Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, El Rufai has done very well in office and has made Abuja a much better and orderly place to live in. Although in the course of his work he has also rendered thousands homeless and jobless, something his opponents are quick to point out. But in a place like Nigeria an attempt to restore order unavoidable means you’ll step on toes and make some unfortunate people suffer. All in all the man is intelligent, hardworking and eloquent and would make a really good president. Besides he’s familiar in political circles and in the media so he’s good to go.

2 - Dora Akunyili (ND)
Presently the Director General of NAFDAC (National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control) Dora Akunyili is a blessing to the nation and a wonderful worker indeed. Rendering the magic she did in NAFDAC to the whole nation would be fantastic. No doubt about it she’s presently the most popular female in the country; she’s brave, bold, upright, intelligent, a feminist’ dream come true and indeed a great material for the presidency.

3- Donald Duke (ND)
Presently the Governor of Cross River State the Youngman is charming but more importantly has done an excellent job in his state environmentally and tourism wise. Donald Duke has a sort of clean slate and has not involved himself in the religious or North-South bullshit that possesses a lot of Nigerian politicians. Of the thirty six governors in the country he’s most suited to the presidency in my opinion.

4 – Orji Uzor Kalu (D)
For reasons best known to President Obasanjo, Governor of Abia State: Orji Uzor Kalu has been seriously victimized in the life of this administration and I’m really bought over by his courage. In these days of EFCC swoop if he’s really bad why then has he not being brought down. Take nothing away from him the man has done well in office scoring major points in sports (football) promotion and has good business acumen. He’s one of the major Ndigbo leaders and the most realistic option for Igbo presidency. But unfortunately outside of the South East he might struggle for votes.

5 - Peter Odili (D)
If you’re talking of Governors in the good books of the president, Peter Odili Governor of Rivers state will be amongst the first names. He’s in the media a lot and seems to have done well in office. But some other people will tell you that the phrase “all that glitters is not gold” aptly applies to him. Nonetheless in these days of pro South-South presidency he’s the forefront contender.

6 – Buba Marwa (D)
Retired Brigadier-General Buba Marwa who hails from the North but did very well as Military Administrator (in the military years. Equivalent to Governor) of Lagos State is one to be taken serious with in the presidential race. Presently an astute businessman (although it seems he benefited from the years of military financial misrule) he’ll make a really good consensus candidate. If he gets the blessings of the kingmakers he could really sweep the polls.

7 - Jerry Gana (D)
Before Femi Fani-kayode and Frank Nweke Junior there was Jerry Gana. The man who people say is a Chameleon has survived many administrations as a high political office holder. Presently he proclaims he’s born again and uses it as one of the core points of his campaign. Personally i’d say he’s not such a bad choice for president and as a Northern Christian who is popular in the media he stands quite a good chance at the polls.

8 - Pat Utomi (D)
Pat Utomi is the Director of the Lagos business school and one of the heads in Nigerian economic circles. But me thinks he’s dull, lacks charisma and is the greatest enemy to his own current affairs TV program: Patito’s Gang. He shouldn’t dream politics and is better off continuing in his present career. But if you go by opinions in the other school of thought he’s a gem whose brains is needed in the administration of the country.

9- Chris Okotie (D)
The greatest if not only quality of Reverend Chris Okotie is that he’s a man of God and so will rule the country in a God fearing and upright way. But his opponents say he’s more of a businessman then a pastor. Currently and in the near future he has no realistic hope (especially in the Muslim North who might be uncomfortable with him) of being president but he relentlessly pursues his goal (he stood for the elections in 2003).

10 - Rochas Okorocha (D)
The only thing that can be said about Rochas Okorocha is that he’s a Youngman with money to spend. His campaign strategy is centered on the fact that he’s a philanthropist (which is in no doubt). Maybe if elected the national cake will be distributed more evenly and the poor would get a better share.

11 – Abubakar Atiku (D, WVF)
Abubakar Atiku is the current Vice President but unfortunately is not in good terms with the President. Thus he faces an uphill task in his quest to step into his boss’ shoes. He’s also receiving heat from some section of the public who seem to hate him. In my opinion much of the hate is unjustifiable. But on his part he made little use of his opportunity as Vice President achievement-wise. His only notable accomplishment to date is that he was anti-third term and thus gave a lot of people courage to oppose Obasanjo’s sinister moves. He won’t likely run on the platform of the PDP and he won’t likely win on the platform of any other party.

12- Ahmed Sani Yerima (D, WVF)
Ahmed Sani Yerima is the Governor of Zamfara State and the foremost crusader for the Sharia legal system in Nigeria. An attribute which has made him the most Popular (popular as in everyone knows him) Governor from the North. There’s little else to say about him except that his presidential ambition will not be fruitful because he’ll get little or no support from the South.

13 – Bashir Tofa (D, WVF)
Bashir Tofa was M.K.O. Abiola’s opponent in the June 12 1993 presidential elections. Not much has been heard from him since then. And I don’t know where he suddenly woke up from but I think it’s in his best interest (financially) if he goes back to sleep.

14 – Muhammadu Buhari (WVF)
Retired Major General Muhammadu Buhari is a former Head of State whose years in power were not at all wonderful. He’s also a known hardcore Muslim, an aspect which will work seriously against him in the South. He contested against the incumbent President in the 2003 elections, using the late Chuba Okadigbo (his running mate) as back up to see to his dreams. Personally I think he should quit bitching about his defeat and do something else with his life. He’s not worthy to be president at all

15 – Ibrahim Babangida (WVF)
Retired General Ibrahim Babangida a.k.a Maradona or The Evil Genius is a former head of state that’s famous for annulling the results of the June 12 1993 presidential elections. To this day he has refused to apologize or explain his actions and is thus unforgivable. A man who calls off a widely free and fair electoral process has no moral right to stand for elections in another one. Besides when he was in power he didn’t do much. His only friends in the media and in the public are the sycophants and the easily gullible and I don’t think he’ll declare for the presidency as a lot of people say he will.

Who rules the country come 2007? Your guess is as good as mine.

Extra: An animation inspired by this post.

You must have heard about The Vatican, Neverland and the Kalakuta Republic. But it’s time to forget them all. Today I present to you the Cassava Republic…sorry I mean the Cocoyam Republic. It’s the land of the Wondering Wanderers nonetheless it’s not a place; it’s a state of mind. On this maiden tour of the Cocoyam Republic we’ll be exploring the issues of Orientation, Power shift and what to do when your company sucks.

I’ve always wanted to talk about this issue but the time was never right, but now it is. I’m really annoyed that no one ever took time out to orientate a brother, teach a kid a few things. In primary school quiet as I was I was always drafted into the debate team or one group or another. Little man as at then didn’t wholly grasp the relevance of a debate. Torturous as it was I went through all them stuff to make people happy. In my senior secondary years the words on people’s lips were JAMB UME and priesthood. Didn’t know what the heck JAMB UME was about nor did I understand the next line of action in the other lane: priesthood. How then did they expect a Youngman to have a purpose in life? I got to know the koko about JAMB UME in my final year and I’m still learning about the priesthood path. On to the university nobody properly schooled me on the course registration system or the result computation bureaucratic dynamics. Had to learn from my mistakes and some of them sure were costly. Sex education; forget it. The first time I heard the word sex from my parents was after secondary school when my Pops told me that I should be careful, because now if I “touched” a girl I could get her pregnant. Looking at all this someone might say I should not have been shy, that I should have asked questions and that way people would not have made assumptions. But my brother in this country children are to be seen and not heard. It’s not as easy as it seems. Presently most of the stuff I know is because I’m naturally inquisitive. The Internet has done a lot to feed my brain. People please take two and pass (teach someone). Life’s too short already; don’t make it worse for someone by letting them live in ignorance (ignorance which they’ll grow up to regret).

In these sharing of the national cake and rotational presidency days I wonder what’s up with hardcore power shift people. Don’t get me wrong power shift is a good thing; it lets a country get the best of both worlds at different times and it makes everyone happy. If fighting for South East presidency or for governorship to come to the North Central zone of a state it’s ok with me if you’re fighting because you know you’ve got a suitable leader to lead the country/state. But in reality most people are not fighting because they feel they’ve got the right leader, they’re fighting because they want a share of the national cake. Well politics is a dirty game so I guess it’s all good. But the part that really sucks is when I see a common man who has no links with any politician (Such that if an Hausa man, or a man from his town or Fidel Castro comes into power life will still be the same for him, he’ll still collect the same old poor salary) raising his voice and arguing loudly for power to come to a man from his place. Well what can I say, Nigerians love to talk politics.

Have you ever been in a situation where you know that the company you work for sucks? And to make it successful some staff would have to be done away with and fresh minds recruited. But the thing is that you’re in good terms with those that you think should be sacked and you wouldn’t want to see them out of their jobs. Plus when you go out and your company is being talked about on reflex you defend it/prop it. But in your heart you know the company sucks and that your competitors are way ahead of the game. Worse still you wish you were working elsewhere but you can’t leave because you’ve got no where to go. Ever been in such a situation? What did you do or what would you do?

The Cocoyam Republic…it’s all in the mind baby, it’s all in the mind.

Third term, tenure elongation…omo I don tire for the issue, dwelling on it just leaves me angry. So I’ve taken the siddon look approach. Part of which included watching the live transmission of its debate in the House of Reps on Wednesday (May 10th). I must say it’s been very interesting and entertaining. In my opinion laugh, fun and health wise being a legislator is far better than holding an executive post e.g. governor. Experiencing the communal feeling in the house is a thing to die for, it’s like you’re back in the university lecture hall with your course mates, this time your honourable colleagues from different parts of the country kicking convo back and forth on issues of common importance. Each rep is given about five minutes to state his stand on the constitutional amendment. Most of the speeches have been powerful, sensible and in some cases funny. There’ve have been a few boring ones. During and after each speech there are cheers, claps and boos depending on the camp of the speaker. I must say the better arguments have been from the anti-third term camp. From my calculations they’re also in the majority, so there’s hope.

Obasanjo: An exit strategy By Reuben Abati

We say it’s third term agenda, they say its tenure elongation/
Naija we know is tender, it could have grave implications/
But when you’re power drunk you could do anything for an extension/
A double dose of funk and you’re indispensable to the nation/
The sycophants will hail you, go for three not just a pale two/
A close look at the AU, Museveni is the way to (way to go)/
But wise men still will tell you, leave when ovation is the loudest/
Cos when the shit don fell through, history’ll say that you lacked soundness/

How do i get this third term now, how?

So it’s my birthday today, I’m 23. Yeah yeah who cares; OBJ is 79 and is gunning for another four years. Ok I kid, I kid; dude is 69 and wants to be life President. Yep, we all got the third term blues. At times I wish I wasn’t so interested in politics and could just take the passive/siddon look approach. Anyways being that I am interested I’m going to roll out some of my observations on the third term issue.

1) Asking OBJ to continue for a third term in office is like asking Austin Jay Jay Okocha to continue playing and captaining the Super Eagles (defying age and despite all the bright young talent out there) for another four years. Agreed, Okocha is one of the best Nigerian players ever but without him we ended our WorldCup/Cup of Nations campaign on an excellent note and still went on to win bronze at Egypt 2006. Word is born Okocha is not indispensable to the national team. In the same vein in a country of over 120million people OBJ is not the only person who can run things well. And please don’t come with that stuff that the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know. What we’re fighting for is to get it into the Nigerian psyche that no matter how well (you think) you’ve done you should never overstay your welcome.

2) The NTA we’re seeing these days is slowly turning into the NTA of the 1998 era. Then everything was pro-Abacha. Abacha for president this, Nigeria needs Abacha that. Nowadays if the NTA is your only source of news you’d be fooled to think the nation overwhelmingly supports OBJ third term bid. But after thinking the issue over being that the NTA is the government’s baby it’s to be expected. Compare the NTA-OBJ situation to a large household. If something really bad happens within the household like a scuffle between sibling A and B and sibling B is left critically injured you don’t expect the household’s spokesman to come out publicly and rubbish siblings A’s image. Surely he’ll be admonished but being that blood is thicker than water it won’t be a case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. The case would be acknowledged as an unfortunate incident but the dirty incidents won’t be washed in public, everything would be dealt with on the low low. Nonetheless NTA still owes it to the public to always portray both sides of the story.

3) The NTA issue can make you want to cry, but thank God for little mercies like the independent press. Yes kudos to AIT, Channels television and co for correctly feeling the pulse of the people. Political discourse phone-in programs on the stations lets us know that unlike the claims of Mantu and co Nigerians as a whole are anti-third term. There are other news outlets like the radio, newspapers and the internet but being that television is king it’s good that our leaders some of who don’t know better can at least know what the word on the streets is by simply switching channels.

Picture originally available at foolscap

The phrase for today is “man must wack!” It’s Nigerian Pidgin English and it means the same thing as “person no go chop again?”, “man no go chop?”, “I suppose eat now”, “I gotta get paid” and “man must survive”. Now here are some examples of the use of these phrases in everyday human speech.

Some many wack guys dey this game of hip hop/
If you ask dem dey go be like: “ah ah man no go chop?”/
Massai in “onye kwulu oto…”

You gotta operate the easy way/
“I made a G today” but you made it in a sleazy way/
Selling crack to the kids. “I gotta get paid,”/
Well hey…well that’s the way it is/
Tupac Shakur in “changes”

For real in Nigeria we’re using these phrases more and more everyday. We knowingly go ahead to do what we’re not supposed to do all because of the material gain that can come out of such actions. At times we’re pushed to do so by poverty, at other times it’s plain laziness and not wanting to follow the long but right way. I got thinking about this phenomenon because unlike before we’re now watching Nigerian films in my house like crazy. Ever since my younger sister started studying Theater Arts at the university it’s been all borrow this film this, attend this audition that. I must confess some Nigerian films are really good but the majority are crap, crap, crap (anyways, somebody please tell Stephanie Okereke that I think she’s sexy). But the fact remains that despite all the mediocrity, day after day auditions are being held, scenes are being shot and films are being marketed. Why is this so? The answer is “man must wack!” Let me spell out the “man must wack” scenario in Nigeria for you starting from Nigerian films.

-Yes the film industry is in a mess but it’s better to get a waka pass roll (be an extra in a film) and collect your #2,000 while waiting for your big break, then to keep on writing job applications. Or if you’re lucky get a minor roll and be paid #20,000. And knowing that Nigerian films are shot in one week you could actually collect that salary four times in a month. Now that’s something ain’t it? For the established actors they know most of the films they act are repeats but “man must wack”. And so they keep acting, bumping out a film every fortnight and smiling home with their 2 million Naira check every month. For the producers and marketers they keep putting out the below par films knowing that they can make a fortune by selling them in African where people are Nigerian film crazy or to Nigerians in Diaspora in North America and Europe where Nigerian films helps to kill the home sickness.

-Deputy Senate President Ibrahim Mantu is also a fan of the “man must wack” phrase. As the chairman of the sub committee on the review of the 1999 constitution he went ahead to recommend three terms of four years for Presidents and Governors. And by what means? By a dubious voice vote. He backed up his actions with the claim that as a representative of the people he is only doing their wish. Crazy ain’t it? Because we all know that if a survey is conducted today, the result will overwhelmingly recommend that OBJ retires come 2007 and heads back to his Ota farm. But alas “man must wack”. Mantu and his colleagues in power must continue to collect their fat salaries, get the juicy contracts, move about the corridors of power, have people bow down to them and see their faces on TV and in the papers.

-Obasanjo’s mouth piece, Fani Kayode is another lover of the man must wack phrase. Before his appointment he never wasted time to point out the errors of the government. But now that he’s in the presidency he’s kissing major ass and regards OBJ as a god that can do no wrong. To justify his salary he’s ready to verbally harass anyone that questions OBJ’s actions or words. He very much reminds me of Daniel Kanu of the YEAA (Youths Earnestly Ask for Abacha) fame.

-Chris Uba the self acclaimed God father in Anambra politics also knows what the “man must wack” phrase implies and uses it to his full advantage. For all his evil deeds to the people of Anambra and to Nigeria as a whole he deserves to be imprisoned. But instead he was readmitted into the PDP while Ngige was expelled and as being forced to leave the country after being dethroned as Governor. All this is because he’s financially useful to Anambra politicians, to the PDP and to the presidency.

-Also in this league are Nigerian girls, ladies or women. Right from their childhood their mothers have schooled them on what the “man must wack” (woman must wack) phrase means. Thus young girls forget about guys their age who really love them but ain’t yet made and go ahead to marry much older men who they hardly know, talk less of love but who are made. And in some cases marry such men as the second, third or fourth wife. Others become groupies. Yes we know it’s cool to fuck a celebrity but more importantly, it pays.

-And finally men of God in Nigeria. Particularly those of the non-Catholic, Anglican or Methodist type. Being that competition is high in the field, opening of their own churches is something that must be done to perfection. Not just because they love God and genuinely want to partake in evangelism but because “man must wack”. The more people you’re able to bring into your flock, the more money for you. As for me, I no go lie. E get as e go be man pikin go…. You know every now, “man must wack!”

“Man must wack” and so the rich keep enjoying the best of the harvest, while the poor keep doing all sorts of menial jobs to keep body and soul together