Two extra years in UNN, partially my fault/
But fuck it I’ve now got my statement of result/
Enough lessons learnt, give all praises to Jah/
NYSC next level, come September I ja/…one!

Interpretation: I’ve now OFFICIALLY joined the prestigious group of people with a first degree from UNN. I sent the above sms to some friends. Here’s my favourite reply; it’s from Stanclef:

Your next target, the labour market/
You’ve got your statement, the future is now the present/
Get a job, get married and raise rugrats/
Finally hommie congrats/…go get high

So I’ve got two months before service, seems I’ll be interning at one of the radio stations in Abuja. Let’s see how it goes.

Catherine: What do we do now, Nick?
Nick: Fuck like minks, raise rugrats and live happily ever after.
Catherine: Hate rugrats.
Nick: Fuck like minks, forget the rugrats, and live happily ever after

One of the classic movie quotes/last lines. It’s from Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas’ Basic Instinct. Talk about being pussy whipped.

WorldCup ’06…it’s almost over; just had to put in some of my observations. Have you noticed the alarming number of early goals scored in this tournament; particularly in the group stages and in the second round? By early goals I mean goals scored in the first ten minutes, and to be precise in the fourth minute! It almost became a ritual, game kicks off and I’m looking at my watch. Four minutes later, pronto! The net is shaketh. It’s really that easy…or is it?

Have you also noticed the glaring similarity of team jerseys? I swear it’s annoying; uniqueness has been thrown to the winds, as except for colour teams now wear virtually the same jerseys! There was no difference between the white jersey of the Swiss and that of the Tunisians. Both teams were kitted by Puma (the main offenders in this case) who kitted a total of twelve teams at this finals, all with the same design template. What ever happened to the good old France ’98 days when each team had a completely different jersey design from the other even if kitted by the same sports company? Uniqueness is a much cherished human value…what more when it comes to national pride it goes without saying.

Johan Djourou of Switzerland and David Jemmali of Tunisia

Has anyone resident in Nigeria being having GSM voicemail issues? Well I have, but this article really put me through. You might want to check it out. Just know that the default voicemail number for Globacom is 0805111 and that of VMobile is 08020100155.

If you’re Nigerian and you’re news conscious you’ll primarily relate the word “Kuje” with a prison in Abuja. Big shots like Mohammed Abacha, Tafa Balogun and even Gani Fawehinmi have spent many a nights there. I don’t even know what the god damn prison looks like but I finished up secondary school in Saints Simon and Jude Junior Seminary Kuje, Abuja (SJS). This post originates because I visiting Kuje again for the first time in six years last week to collect my WASSC certificate (your boy made all his papers in one sitting…still baffles me how I pulled that off. Too bad I slacked academically in the university) and as a result I’m rearing to blog.

It’s a known fact that we have a very low maintenance culture in Nigeria. But being that SJS is a private school I didn’t think that would really apply to my alma mater. But I was shocked on my visit. The school looks very shabby. The buildings need painting and refurnishing; the school vehicles are down; the aesthetics has been lost as the grasses, trees, flowers, pathways, orchards are all in a mess. I also heard of staff welfare complaints. I guess money needs to be pumped in. Although they’re getting grants from Rome and lots of goodwill in cash and kind from Catholics in Abuja. Or maybe it’s a case of poor management.

Anyways I still got good memories of SJS Kuje like:
- The religious stuff. Attending mass and saying the rosary every freaking day. And getting double doses of meditation, reflection and retreats. All in all e been good as e keep man pikin from spoiling…fast.
- Living a nice communal life. It was a small school population-wise so we knew each other and generally got on well together.
- Having fun amidst the hustling. E.g.: food palava, visiting days awaiting, outing trips to get to see girls and get stuff.
- Getting the chance of sitting near the altar in 1998 when the late Pope John Paul II made his 2nd trip to Nigeria.
- Spending a week at the National Missionary Seminary of Saint Paul Gwagwalada, Abuja along with my classmates to witness a priestly ordination firsthand (That week was heaven, right then I definitely wanted to be a priest).
- The bullying I got while there (I lost out on being the senior prefect in my final year because I was too damn small…puberty shit) as it toughened me up for life.

Despite these good memories, at the end of my stay in SJS I decided against continuing my priesthood chase. I didn’t feel I had the calling, plus celibacy definitely wasn’t for me! I still meet up with some folks who decided to advance (My own classmates will be ordained priests in about 3-4 years time) and those guys are living large for real! Nigeria is such a religion obsessed country that once you’re on the priesthood train you’re kind of made for life (nonetheless it’s not all bliss as evangelism is not as easy as it seems). Some wise guys realize this and take full advantage. Let me explain. The road to priesthood is like this: 1 year probation working in a Catholic establishment for candidates who didn’t go to a Junior Seminary (or who need to be crossed examined first), 4 years studying philosophy, another 1 year working, 4 years studying theology, being ordained a deacon and if found worthy being ordained a priest. The wise guys enter the fold, enjoy the free education and other benefits and pull out as soon as they get their philosophy degree. Now ain’t that a bitch?

So much for reminiscing, it has left me feeling like Ahmad in his 1994 hit “back in the day”

I miss those days, and so I pout like a grown jerk/
Wishing all I had to do now, was finish homework/

Why can’t my troubles in life be only about finishing my homework?

Picture TRAE as a senior seminarian. This is what it would have looked like…damn!

Where do I start? Well here goes. I’ve been in the university over my supposed four years, no thanks to frequent strikes…and well my own unseriousness. But Insha’ Allah I’ll be outta this bitch soon and go face life as a man. Lately I’ve discovered a mistake freshmen of Nigerian universities make year in year out, thanks to experience (it’s the best teacher isn’t it?) and my more mature outlook on life of recent. I now feel it’s time to say something about it. I hope prospective undergraduates/freshmen get to read this. What I’m about to say is a little bit like what parents often tell their kids before they enter the university, but very different in some aspects. Read on and see why. This write up is some how mainly for my guys. Why you might ask? It’s because I’m a guy and therefore naturally more knowledgeable on guys issues. Damn, what the hell where you expecting.

I’ve come to realize that when freshmen (or Jambites as they are often called) enter the university the main thing on their mind is having a good time socially on campus. They seek acceptance among their peers, and this is about moving with the right crowd: the happening people on campus and the number of conquest you can make (as regards to girls). Their mind is chick possessed, no thanks to the freedom of campus life and the sheer number of female students around. Slowly without them realizing it happens that academics is pushed to the bottom in the list of their objectives/aims on campus. Even guys who did brilliantly in secondary school fall prey. Having passed through secondary school with ease they think the university will be a piece of cake and that the same last minute preparations for exams/tests will help. In the long run it doesn’t. They neglect their studies and pursue chicks. They might be successful but most often this lays in store, the problem starts. They don’t read thus resort to cheating (during exams or exchanging money for marks) and do poorly in their exams. Dues to their extravagant life styles they’re often broke and into debts, stealing becomes the way out. For some it ends in jail or being shot. Some start doing and/or dealing in drugs. Some join cults or have problem with cult members. Some go down with STDs…pimping has its price. A lot end up never graduating or graduating with 3rd class degrees and fucking up their life for ever.

Here now is the secret to success/the way out. Do what you fucking want in school: be seriously involved in student union politics, be a party freak-social activity nut and into girls, be into booze-cigarettes and join the Keggites, be a fellowship and religious fanatic, be all about the money and into business schemes, be into watching films in your hostel lounge or room 24-7, be an athlete and play sports 24-7, be a game freak living for PlayStation or chess alone, be a talkative well known in your hall-department and faculty, be a musician making your hits and performing at shows, be a nerd/geek spending a third of your day online etc. Be what you fucking want to be, live for what you want to live for BUT DON’T MESS WITH YOUR STUDIES. Always make time out to read your books, gather that knowledge and pass your courses, that my friend is the only way out. With this you’ll graduate when you’re supposed to graduate and will do so well. Only then can you claim to be the man and even have the best of both worlds (girls-or what ever you specialize in and your academics). Knowledge is power; remember graduating well will help towards making that money in future (as you’ll have financial responsibilities building up) and making a good name for yourself. First things first; chicks will always be there ready to swarm over you like bees do to honey. Some bitches you’re rolling with ain’t even worth it talk less of being in your class. Good luck man.

Campus life in Naija, you gots to hustle and still get the chicks. Pictures taken from ravenique3’s picture gallery

May 1st was worker’s day and being a Sunday the actual public holiday is being observed today. As expected workers the world over good and bad alike are celebrating and resting. But my bad, I beg to differ cos I ain’t about to praise workers, I’m about to give them a bashing. To be specific, the workers in the Exams department of UNN (University of Nigeria, Nsukka).

While there are many hardworking peeps the world over who are unemployed and desperately seeking employment (I for one. I’m at that stage of my life where I feel I’m wasting. I should be flexing my intellect cum muscles and copping a handsome salary). Others are underemployed and don’t feel happy about it. Yet they do the available work given to them diligently. Yet others as in the case of the Exams department workers in UNN obviously have lazy employees in large numbers amongst them.

The Exams unit is a section of the UNN administrative system in charge of computing student’s results and determining what class of degree they graduate with. Right now my academic status is that I got a reference so I’m doing that external candidate shit. But all looks good and Insha’ Allah I should be serving in the NYSC (National Youth Service Corps) in the March 2006 A batch. But the problem is that the folks at the Exams unit, specifically the man in charge of computing results for my department is one lazy fellow. Maybe I should start by telling you about the nature of the Exams unit.

Just like a large part of the school structure the Exams unit is backwards and uses old school methods to run things. Their office is full of results and students files from many years back untidily arranged. And it baffles me why they don’t want to embrace technology and computerize the results computation process to make their work easy and more efficient. Especially when the school has lots of idle computer systems lying around. A result of having two obsolete cyber-cafes out of the existing three. That’s why computing results is a rigorous process which can be full of flaws and at times subject to fraudulent manipulations by some students in an attempt to graduate with better grades.

These problems coupled with his lazy mentality combines to frustrate would be graduates to the extent that people who should be going for NYSC service in batch A often go in batch B or later and others often spend weeks or even months hanging around the Exams unit just to pursue their results computation. The man in charge of my department results doesn’t help matters at all. He’s hardly on seat. He spends a good amount of time perambulating about the office discussing and joking with others and occasionally breaking off to inhale snuff. I know the amount of students milling around the office to get their results computed can at times be intimidating and distracting. But keeping a solemn face and leaving the office at the slightest provocation will not help matters at all or get his job done faster.

Positivity at work is the key, along with embracing technology and modernity to carry out one’s job faster and more efficiently. I just hope the new Vice Chancellor and the school authorities are aware of the mess that is the UNN Exams unit. God help us all!

Homer J. Simpson, a classic example of a lazy employee…lol.

Valentine’s Day, February 14th with its entire hullabaloo has come and gone. And luckily for me I had the best Val ever this year. I went dancing with this girl Maura at Jives (a joint on campus, DJ FX2 held things down) and had a real swell time. It seems I’m on some love shit, she really is my type. Got similar interest with me, a nice character, good looks-banging body and most importantly she’s real fun to be with/flow with. I got asking out plans but the only problem is I’m up against some working guy, damn. Well I don’t blame girls for going for business men/working (financially secure) guys over students cos we all love money. And besides they got the marriage shit coming up for them much earlier than for us; so it’s like the earlier the better. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally against the man being the almighty provider idea. Me thinks relationships should be some’n of equals in all aspects. I would love me girl working and making dough too. Damn, i needs to get me ass outta school (don’t wanna over stay my welcome) and start making that cash independent of my parents.

Still on cash I just gotta warn guys that it ain’t all about the dough when trying to get laid/a girl. You gotta work on your game, although dough helps sha. I got this friend who’s spent a fortune/investing big on this girl (she’s a playa big time) and she still refused to give him head. So he beat her up and it’s causing some real nasty probs right now. My advice to him was to suck it all up and move on. He’s lost and like totally, and there ain’t a damn thing he can do about it. But it’s a good lesson learnt and it’ll help him strengthen his game. And if he starts playing his cards right he’ll be sure to score big in the future. In fact I ain’t gotta talk too much; mistakes are never the end. Learn from God’s son himself: Nasir Jones a.k.a. Nas:

“A quiet man who used to be alone planning
Baby moms thought I was too quiet, couldn’t stand it
She hit the streets, later on she hitting the sheets
With a rapper who wanted me on his songs, thinking he strong
I taught her how to watch for cars that might follow
Taught her street shit that I know
Her weakness was shine yo
But that’s her, I ain’t mad baby, it made me stronger
Now I get my paper longer”
Nas in the song “Last Real Nigga Alive” from the album: God’s Son.

Yep we was exactly like this (not quite as wild as this couple though) on Val nite. Stealing the show on the dance floor for sheezy. Love, such a beautiful thing. But I wonder how many peeps in Naija ever get to really experience it.

Now on awards. The Okocha situation really is fucked (He once again lost out on being crowned the CAF African footballer of the year to Cameroun’s Samuel Eto’o). Agreed he’s not in the best of form right now but he should have won if performance in the year 2004 is the award criteria as we are made to believe. He had a great Cup of Nations and did spectacularly well through out the year. Awards! Always some shit gotta pop up. Its how Ghana’s Samuel kuffour missed out in the 2001 awards to Senegal’s El-Hadji Diouf. It seems either the organizers were biased and influenced the selection of the winner some how, or maybe the voters were to blame. Since the voters were national football federations it’s most likely they weren’t really fair to themselves who the best player was and went ahead to vote for who ever they personally liked. Anyway enough of the heat. I’m happy that kanye West copped some Grammys last week and didn’t go 50 Cent‘s way when he didn’t win any award in last year’s event despite unarguable deserving it for making great strides in the Hip hop scene. Kanye really deserved it. I can’t get enough of his College Dropout CD. It’s among the few CD’s I can listen to from start to finish loving all or almost all the songs.

Straight up man, ain’t no beating about the bush, I’m saying it point blank: “The curfew in my Alma-Mater UNN (University of Nigeria Nsukka) has outlived its usefulness. It’s common practice for curfews to be imposed in communities during periods of social unrest. But the present one going on in UNN that started around mid 2003 has proved to be inefficacious. In other words useless. Far from what it aimed to do (curb cultism, violence, assassinations, theft, rape etc), it has become instead a means of killing social life on campus and what more the Nsukka economy.

The curfew was originally between the hours of 10pm and 5am. But with the coming of a new Vice Chancellor it was extended to start from 9pm. And also commercial motorcycle riders were barred from operating on campus premises after 8pm.

But facts on ground show that theft and violence etc have hardly gone down since the curfew was imposed. Towards the end of last session (August and September 2004) handset theft was the in-thing. Daily we would hear of compounds off-campus where students reside being raided by men of the underworld with extraction of handsets being the main aim and at times rape. Even our own Zik flats’ E-Block (which is right next to a security post!) was not spared as they were struck twice! And the most annoying thing is that these crimes were committed during curfew hours when every body was supposed to be in doors with “the efficient” campus security holding security tight outside.

In reality every one knows the university is not safe. Our security system is fucked up. It’s just full of old security men who are highly under armed and use old-fashioned ways to carry out law enforcement. Even the police and army officials on duty around campus premises pay greater attention to extracting 20 Naira notes from commercial drivers/riders than checking vehicles or questioning possible criminals. It’s sad to know but in truth any smart crook can easily wreck havoc on campus and go scot-free.

What then is the usefulness of the curfew when with or without it crimes still go on? It has only succeeded in punishing students as their social life has been reduced to zero. With the curfew social activity on campus can’t extend beyond 9pm and hence we saw the period of afternoon shows and Departmental “afternoons-nites” in campus in the 2001/2002 session and 2002/2003 session (between 2003 and 2004). What do you expect when shows are rushed so as to meet with the 9pm deadline? Low quality and chaos of course. And so fun seekers are left under entertained and shortchanged. Ask Spez and EldRichie, organizers of the supposed “Julius Agwu and Klint the drunkard featured” show last session how much they lost financially due to the curfew shit. Life on campus, which should be a social hot spot, is left looking like a prison yard. Gone are the days of enjoyable (birthday) parties, all night shows and bonfires. As early as 8.30pm everywhere is quiet.

In my 1st and 2nd years in UNN (2000-2002) commercial activities in and around Zik flats boomed till 12pm and even beyond. One felt free living in Nsukka as a student. But now from behind flats to the SUG building area the campus is fucked up socially. Look at Jives; it’s a shadow of its former self. I wonder how the owner survives financially. What more, the inability to flag down a bike after 8pm creates unnecessary hardship and even the chance of rape for female students. Especially if a person is carrying a load and/or is going a far distance say from Zik flats to Isa-Kaita hall.

After looking at things critically I feel it’s in the best interest of students, staff and the UNN community at large if the Vice Chancellor calls an end to the curfew. There are by far better ways to curb crime on campus (like beefing up and modernizing our campus security system) than imposing a curfew, which only succeeds in killing social life and economic activity in and around UNN.

the main gate of UNN. Rugged isn’t it?

UNN University of Nigeria Nsukka Home Page

Hey this is actually a prank post people.it’s just to try and see if i can draw hits to my blog from the buzz about the new UNN (University of Nigeria) site. especially with the recent increment in school fees. on the real i’m a fresh UNN graduate. just finished my economics/political science degree there (thank God the fee hike no go concern me). although i still got my project to tidy up (no man wey no get problem oh!). but you can learn a thing or two about life in UNN here:

http://www.traedays.com/blog/2004/09/my-life-in-unn-university-of-nigeria-nsukka/.

i bet you don’t know what the negative image of nigeria online from our 419 email scams have done to UNN on the web. well then checkout:
http://www.universityofnigeria.com ,
http://chippla.blogspot.com/2004/09/university-of-nigeria-fraudulent.html
and
http://www.dawodu.com/onuora11.htm . that’s why the university authorities had to settle for
http://www.unn-edu.net/. i also came across this site:
http://www.unnportal.com. it seems it is an actual UNN second site. well i’ll have to verify. the internet really is a means of free expression, whether negative or positive.

UNN’s logo

University life (especially in Nigeria) is always very stressful. But nevertheless it’s been good to me. And it feels great to be finally coming out. So I’m all gay and in the mood of toasting to success, while playing Kanye’s “Last call” in the background. While reading this, pop a bottle and get crunked with me. The bill’s on me (grins). Now prepare for a synopsis (smiles, project writing pays you know) on my life in the university (University of Nigeria Nsukka/UNN).

Finance/Resource Management: I’ve always been a one for all and all for one guy. But entering school very early money wasn’t a problem, as I didn’t socialize much, so didn’t spend much. But now that I can’t sit still I’ve had loads of down periods. But life goes on and somehow in the university I pulled through.

My Religious Life: I went to a seminary secondary school so I guess I had Jah on my mind when entering the university. But as time went on I started loosing my religion. But I still made it to church most of the times and I think I satisfied the NFCS (Nigerian Federation of Catholic Students) slogan: living the faith. Jesus walks man, and I walk with him. Ain’t that right Kanye?

Academics: my pops is a bookworm, my sis: Cle and bro: Ebx too. And so I’m academically tight myself. Graduated best in primary and secondary school, but lack of concentration and my last minute jacking culture did at the end get the best of me in my course: Economics/Political Science. Especially in Economics with all the maths involved. But anyways am a still cross that line even if it’s with a second class lower. I got plans for a second degree in computer science and this time I swear on Einstein’s grave (smiles) am a hit it big. Thank God age is very much on my side.

Student Union Politics: student union politics like Nigerian politics sure does stink. We got so many idiots coming out for elections who don’t know what the fuck is really expected of them. Most of them peeps just got ego problems. I guess we all wanna be big. I never was into politics on campus. The only post I held was as the Director of Socials in my town’s students union, and man was I good. I long for the day Nigerian and student union politics will be developed to the point coming out for elections demands so much of one character wise. Our politicians just gotta be sharp like the likes of Bush, Blair and John Kerry.

UNN as an Institution: man it ain’t no joke when peeps say UNN is living on it’s past glory. True to poor maintenance and management being our problem in Nigeria: UNN stinks! Well may be lack of finance is a cause. That’s why I do respect UNN first class products for sticking through all the shit and graduating well. It ain’t easy man.

My Social and Love Life: entering school very early (I’m the youngest in my class) I was socially fucked at first. But being a “soji guy” I finally came out on top and running things. Flexing in the Lion’s den sure was worth the experience. With all the shows, parties and bonfires etc. And from flats and behind flats, to beach And Carolina, all Nsukka hotels and hot spots, Jives, Franco Republic and environs, up school Female and male hostels, SUB and environs, PAA, Arts Theater, CEC, Social Science Quadrangle, freedom square, hill top, Odim gate etc, UNN did really bubble. When I’m doing my thing: I keep it real. I picked up rapping while in the university and excelled to the point that my song was at one time a regular spin on campus radio. I got quite popular with it. Now I consider myself slicker than your average (Craig Davidly speaking you know, if you’re a girl anyway). One word on relationships: girl who demand so much of their guys financially are crazy. You’re both still dependent so be real. Also for guys: getting a girl ain’t all about money. It’s more about making her trust you and enjoy your company. Take me as an example; “I’m still slick with 50 kobo/I guess I’m the original shine shine bobo/” (smiles). Friends are life and life is friends, Love makes the world go round. You heard!

Life after University: on the real man I got cold feet about it. You know putting what you studied into practice and through it fending for yourself. But anyways it couldn’t be worse. Jah lives so it’s gon’ be alright. You got my back anyway, don’t you?

Yep this post in August is meant to AUGment your life. From the post title apologies to all UNN good image advocates, but for real my school’s quite hot right now. We got a high level of handset theft going on in the nighttime. And it’s a pity that our school security is pretty helpless in this regard. One advice, if u consider ur handset ur buddy just like I do, u’ll do well to strap the shit up tight!

On the social side, cos we all gots to jive to survive. I had some pretty remarkable times this past month. One of em was at my class final year dinner and award nite. Man was it fun after coming through this past four years together. On the real am a miss u guys when we’re finally through. Another of em was at a gospel show on campus. Minus the DMX show I attended earlier this year I’ve never seen an audience so lively and worked up at a show. Dem gospel peeps sure know how to work it for Jesus. It just beats me dat in their dance there ain’t no touching involved. I wonder what Sasha in Sean Paul’s “I’m still in love with you” video would think of that. anyway I know what I think of Maura. A girl I met/friend I made recently. She the intellectual kind, writes poetry and novels and is a presenter on air at our campus radio station. Peep what I wrote for her below, finished it in 30 minutes. Quite impressive right? Considering that I’ve not written much rap wise in the past three months.

Concerning thee
Written for Maura_Dawn (Maureen Uwem Akpan)
5th August, 2004

so here’s what’s up concerning thee
after much we finally meet
all this while I’ve been on my feet
cos with you I’ve longed to speak
first I saw you at the CAST
you was cool my test you passed
but I couldn’t make a pass
had exams by quarter past
took your add, twas on your pen
mailed your ass, every now and then
but you was all: “na Jesus”…end
I was like I’ll get you man
Back in school I saw you more
Took it cool I just explored
To the point I was like “jo”
TRAE go flow, go open door
Now I’ve finally done the shit
I’ve known you. I’m loving it
Like your style, I must admit
I just hope that it’s a hit