This was originally meant for another platform to be published February 25th, a day after Yar’adua touched down. Alas it now finds its’ final resting place here

In the words of former FCT Minister Nasir El-Rufai

“When we elect our leaders we fully expect that they will be strong-minded and able-bodied to guide us through the most difficult times. We also expect our leaders to address us directly and offer assurances to the fact that crisis situations will be kept under control”.

Unfortunately Nigerians time and time again are often left wondering if their leaders are aware of the concept of accountability. Fresh from a 92 day absence of our President, Umaru Yar’adua in Saudi Arabia, find profiled the noticeable incidents internal and external which have reigned this while, greatly imprinting themselves in the sands of “Nigerian time”.

• In December 2009 just before Christmas the unpopular beliefs and policies of CBN Governor Sanusi Lamido struck a lethal blow as thousands of workers were rendered jobless in mass lay offs carried out by many Nigerian banks; the alleged troubled and sound ones alike. Unemployment rates soured with the risk of rising crimes and many a families had a bitter festive season. Government reaction: business went on as usual while the seemingly endless trial of the nauseatingly rich ex bank top shots carried on at snail speed.

• Nigeria was at the center of international attention when on Christmas Day December 25, 2009 a 23 year old Islamic Nigerian male Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab attempted to detonate plastic explosives hidden in his underwear while on board Northwest Airlines Flight 253, en route from Amsterdam to Detroit, Michigan USA. Seen as a grave act of terror Nigeria was subsequently put on a Terror Blacklist by the US government and young Mutallab charged on six criminal counts, including attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction and attempted murder of 289 people. He is presently in U.S. custody, awaiting further legal proceedings. Nigerians travelers were thus left to suffer an international backlash while the government more or less barked toothlessly.

• Maryam Babangida wife of former head of state General Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida (IBB) passed away on December 27, 2009 in a US hospital having lost her prolonged battle with ovarian cancer. Many people still love to hate IBB for the alleged unprecedented level of corruption during his regime and the annulment of the June 12 1993 presidential elections. Nevertheless Maryam even in death remains celebrated as an icon of beauty, fashion and style”, and widely acclaimed as Nigeria’s best first lady. Reactions: having spent millions of looted monies on healthcare in the US having neglected our own, the looters of the national treasury and the family alike proceeded to further spend money in consoling and morning their dead.

• Much long before the proclamation of Dr Goodluck Jonathan as acting president the turn of events proved that President Yar’adua was by all indications unable or incapacitated to perform his function and therefore should step aside. This arose as Nigeria’s new Chief Justice of the Supreme Court; Aloysius Katsina-Alu was on 30th December, 2009 sworn in by the out-going Justice Idris Legbo Kutiji in the absence of President Umaru Yar’Adua. This was legal under the Oaths Act.

• On Tuesday, 12 January 2010 the world was left in shock that a catastrophic earthquake had struck in the Caribbean state of Haiti affecting over 3 million people. With thousands dead, thousands more rendered homeless and the socio economic foundation of the nation rocked to its root. Many countries responded to the appeals for humanitarian aid, pledging funds and dispatching rescue and medical teams, engineers and support personnel. Nigeria’s response being an official expression of condolence and a donation of 1 million US dollars

• While the children of the rich continue to enjoy uninterrupted education abroad and politicians in the corridors of power continue to feed fat over the country’s oil money. the educational front back home was dealt a heavy blow as the authorities of the University of Nigeria (UNN), Nsukka in Enugu State on the 16th of January, 2010 shut down the institution, following the vandalization and destruction of property, including the temporary residential quarters of the Vice Chancellor, Prof Barth Okolo and some senior staff quarters of the institution by protesting students. The violent protest embarked upon by the university students was to express their displeasure over a new fees regime introduced by the university authorities

• Coming on the heels of a similar incident over a year ago in December 2008 and in what amounted to a total failure of leadership by both the Police, Military and Plateau state government, violence started on the 17th of January 2010 and lasted at least four days in Jos. The disturbances were allegedly religiously-motivated as Muslims and Christians took to arms and proceeded to torch down and destroy houses, churches, mosques and vehicles. At least 200 people were killed. Government reaction, a change of heads at the state police’s top boss office and the setting up of another commission of inquiry.

• Following an advertorial published in the Punch Newspaper of January 28 by a group going by the name “The True Face of Lagos” accusing Lagos Governor Mr. Babatunde Fashola and the Lagos House of Assembly of corrupt activities. The house members had intended to go on with a probe. But after wide public criticism and protest marches things died down considerable over the past week. Owing most notable to an intervention between Governor Babatunde Fashola and his immediate predecessor Bola Ahmed Tinubu who is though to be displeased with some of the actions of the former, and a court order from a Lagos High Court restraining further actions on any purported investigation of allegations of financial impropriety.

• Although things have considerable improved now, the months of December 2009 and January 2010 were hell for motorist in the nation as regards availability of fuel. Long queues sprang up nationwide as Nigerians commercial and private motorist alike were helplessly subjected to hardship in a bid to refill their tanks. Black marketers and those engaged in the up and downstream section of petroleum distribution smiled to the banks as they are want to do perennially. Government reaction: a statement by then Vice President Goodluck Jonathan which was eventually defiled ordering four of his ministers to stay back in Abuja during the Christmas holidays for a series of meetings aimed at finding a lasting solution to the lingering fuel scarcity.

• Following growing disbelief by the general populace about the integrity of members of the Federal Executive Council in relation to the president’s absence and the greater good of the nation, Minister of Information and Communication Prof. Dora Akunyili had on 3rd February 2010 somewhat restored her public image when she presented a memo to the Federal Executive Council (FEC) titled “if We Fail To Act Now, History Will Not Forgive Us”, asking Yar’Adua to present a letter of vacation to the Senate as required by section 145 of Nigeria’s 1999 constitution. Her action had initially drawn the ire of her colleagues most notably former Attorney-General of the Federation and Minister of Justice Michael Aondoakaa (SAN), prompting a nasty back and forth between them. In the end though swords were sheathed and the objectives were met as Dr Goodluck Jonathan was declared acting president.

• In what was hailed as the best move for the country’s hot bed of politics Anambra State. Governor Peter Obi of the all peoples grand alliance APGA on the 6th of February 2010 defied the history books as he won a keenly contested battle for a second term in office against fellow political gladiators Dr. Chris Ngige of the AC and Professor Chukwuma Soludo of the PDP amongst others. Little pockets of irregularities were observed with more than half of the voters disenfranchised owing to the non availability of their names on the voting list. Encouragingly though the results were more or less accepted by all parties involved without the usual electoral court appeal.

• After much political anger on the seeming power vacuum, exemplified by protest rallies; most notable by a group of concerned Nigerians called “The Save Nigeria Group” both at home and abroad along with many court cases praying President Yar’adua be impeached or his Vice Goodluck Jonathan be empowered. The National Assembly had on February 9th 2010 creatively interpreted one of the clauses of the constitution, in their words in the best interest of the nation and voted to declare Goodluck Jonathan Acting President. This was greeted by much cheers round the world as intent by Nigeria to get a start on the process of nation building at a renewed refreshed pace.

• More failings of President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua emerged as Acting President Goodluck Jonathan was on Tuesday February 16, 2010 elected Chairman of the Economic Community of West African States (ECOWAS) by the group’s Heads of State and Government thus extending for another year Nigeria’s leadership. President Umaru Musa Yar’adua had steered the ship of the association for a year until he fell ill, a development which had twice forced the postponement of the 37th Summit of the body.

• On the back of an unpopular decision by erstwhile president Mamadou Tandja to extend his mandate beyond December 2009 having already served two terms a coup d’état occurred in Niger, a country sharing boundaries with Nigeria to the north on the 18th of February 2010. Soldiers attacked the presidential palace in Niamey at midday and captured the President who was chairing a government meeting at the time. Later in the day, the rebels announced on television the formation of a ruling junta, the Supreme Council for the Restoration of Democracy to be headed by squadron leader Salou Djibo.

• On the 22nd of February 2010 members of The Edo State House of Assembly abandoned all sense of decorum as lawmakers purportedly impeached the Speaker, Rt. Hon. Zakawanu Garuba. In what appears to be an inter party strife the erstwhile speaker a member of the ruling People’s Democratic Party has been replaced by Peter Usman Aliu of the AC. Confusion is still the order as the house has not yet sat since the incidence with both members Rt. Hon. Zakawanu Garuba and Rt. Hon. Peter Usman Aliu presently claiming the title of speaker.

• Finally there were one too many alleged political assassinations, reminiscent of a case of kids turning the house upside down in their parent’s absence. The death toll included ex AIT reporter Efenji Efenji (February 14th) and Action Congress gubernatorial candidate in 2007 general election in Ogun State, Otunba Dipo Dina (January 25th, 2010).

When I think of the phrase “a rush of blood to the head” I get into cold play. I think of split decision making…rash decisions taken at the spur of the moment without thinking through the implications. Things one finds oneself doing when one has one’s back against the wall…future regrets.

About a month ago I got my car impounded by the Police for driving on the wrong side of the lane. Yeah I know I messed up but think fuel scarcity and the NNPC Mega Filling Station in Central Area Abuja. I pleaded endlessly in a bid to wear them out to no avail (this technique has been known to work in the past with varying degrees of success as freeing you to get other fishes to fry appears sensible in the long run). They hit back with the “I no go school, I no sabi speak English, go see my Oga” tirade. I refused to give the bribe more so being very broke at the time and had to take in the intimidation, bullshit and all. In the end we headed to the station, I gave my statement, surrendered my keys and particulars and lost my car for the weekend. On Monday after some wait I got my car back without spending a dime through the Intervention of a senior uniformed officer of a parallel body. The car was released out of mutual respect between the officers.

Lesson learnt: One; Patience is a virtue. Two; runaway and live to fight another day. My annoyance at the rude manner in which I was accosted blinded me to the fact that a quick change of gears to reverse at the cock of their guns would have been all that was needed. Three; respect the wealth of experience rich elders. I had to endure being chided while a man to man talk did the trick.

A week or so after that it was the turn of the FRSC (Federal Road Safety Corps) to funk me up. This time I was not at fault per se. a Lady Road Marshal reproved me for intending to make a wrong turn, as I turned to obey her colleague intimidated me and I fell face flat into the trap. I challenged him aggressively for delaying me when I was just about to do right from wrong; he called for me to be dealt with for having the guts to talk back at him, and my attempt to dash away proved futile as I was chased back, baited and my tyre slightly deflated. A hot argument ensued, me being Mr I-know-my-rights and all. In the end I got slammed the monstrous dangerous driving fine for all my troubles.

Lesson learnt: The FRSC are in most cases cunts looking for a scapegoat. Be careful not to fall into their trap no matter how unprofessionally they try to cower you. Dot your Is, cross your Ts and all should be well with you.

Earlier this week being on the receiving end of an ongoing delay tactic and adjournment move I was at the Wuse High Court to witness a landlord-tenant case for my dad; with the only the thanks i got having to sit through a messy divorce hearing. The process was painfully slow as the cross examination of a witness had to be done at snail speed to allow the judge jot down notes as reference material to make for a better understanding of the issue to facilitate judgement. I might have seen too many movie court scenes courtesy Hollywood thus my high expectations were messed up. Could have sworned we would have done better with a shorthand typist or a computer. Funny still is Nigeria ready for the jury concept? Naturally in tune with boredom and hunger my mind wandered. I remembered the case of a bank debtor we had in Jos who took us to court. His statement spawned together with lots of falsehood and bogus claims. With accusing fingers pointed at me as prime aggressor for using the police to shake him up because of his perceived indifference to repaying his long overdue debt.

Lesson learnt: speaking from experience it’s not a crime to be in debt but it’s a crime not to be open about it. Pick your calls and make yourself accessible. Admit your default, explain your situation to your creditor pleading for time and by all means be proactive with a feasibility plan to come good in the shortest time possible. Challenges will eventually pass you by so there’s no need to soil your good name, or give people reason to question your integrity. Guard them jealousy as it may take a lifetime to get them back. Lastly when in disagreement necessarily put yourself in the other person’s shoes before you act. That way you get a holistic view of things with the way out being all the more clear.

Yester night’s win by Kevin Chuwang Pam in the Big Brother Africa 4: The Revolution TV reality show just goes to show the importance of being a people person…people power. There’s no big secret to winning the show or doing well in life. A thousand self improvement books, years of reading the bible or hours of washing your car and keeping it neat is not the secret of excelling in life, it’s simply being likeable. Having a good/kind spirit, being approachable and being able to get on well with everyone you meet. Keeping your cool in all situations and doing to others what you’d want be done on to you. You should be such that when your name is mentioned and the weights are measured people have but positives come to mind. You should be able to hang with the posh, feel at home amongst the poor, kick convo with the religious fanatics and always be a welcomed guest at the house of the neighbourhood whore. Obama is where he is today because we can all virtually relate with him, from Germany to Iran, Tanzania to Peru. Hardly ever booking a nomination without the help of alliances, being swapped 3 times and surviving on all occasions is no mean feat! Sitting in at La Shom Suites Jos amongst friends some of whom schooled with Kev and watching him step out the house with his “JOStified” Tee and the National flag I couldn’t but be prouder. With all due respect in the same vein I would score myself high, my main flaw being some peeps would pass comments about my love for the fairer sex.

Like Kevin, like the Eagles, like the end justified the means. Felt the same way on the evening of the 14th of November sitting down at Steffans amongst my then girl, my man Max and by my far right Mikel Obi’s silver spooned younger bro. as Martins popped in the third goal and we all jumped up in celebrations hugging ourselves I couldn’t but be happier to be Nigerian. The disappointment of September 6th all gone away. When I narrowly missed getting a query for turning into work late the next day; when the Eagles swept the patriotism in all of us to dangerous heights hardly ever been seen before and brought it crashing down at the same speed. I remember how driving around Abuja that night I felt like I was in a soulless city, with a female presenter on Cool FM’s playing of Lighthouse Family’s “high” doing little to raise our spirits. But it’s all changed now, with a visa to Angola and South Africa being the most sought after thing after Yar’dua’s resignation speech.

Wanting a comment from me on the banking issues I’ll only say that we’ve all done dirt like a worm, and that what goes around should come around. P/S: I feel very strongly that we shot ourselves in the foot when we fought against Charles Soludo’s planned currency redenomination. That shit would have done us good on many fronts. Sticking with the flow I remain one of the most avid haters of the Nigerian Police. And having being privileged to work closely with them on that loan recovery front I’ve discovered that attempting to stop corruption in the force is as futile as stopping the next big rapper from America from doing something stupid and going to jail in the footsteps of Mystikal, TI and Lil’ Wayne. Face it, they’re paid a shitty salary, worse still you empower them with the means of force, expectedly they’d abuse it pouring out their frustrations on and trying to augment things via extortion of the good people.

All in all today’s blog post has being brought to you by the words: people and power. Peace!

Banking, the ills: workaholicity and “no time!”

The “I say no time eh!” phrase by top Nigerian ragga artist Timaya best describes my condition in the in last four months, in which time I haven’t blogged (though “no inspiration eh” comes a distant second). Right now at 9.21 am it’s one of those precious weekends for me and as I type this on my generator-powered battery-weakened laptop in Makurdi I await the start of Nigeria’s game against Japan in the on going Olympic men’s football event. So what have I been up to all this while and what’s happened to the time? Here’s what.

I’ve since completed my bank’s ten week entry level training programme in Abuja and have been deployed to Makurdi branch in our North Central Region. Yes, my love affair with Benue State continues having served here (NYSC 2006/2007) and been back shortly afterwards for a short business venture.

Training school was fun no doubt but I also learnt a tremendous lot and had my mind opened to many new perspectives of life. Part of the gains of the training was being able to make my first ever visit to a prison…Kuje Prison Abuja to be precise. Banking being a profession based on trust, integrity is a necessary value and so the visit to the prison apart from its social responsibility import was to show us how low we could sink if we lost our integrity. The funny thing though is that Kuje Prison wasn’t at all like what I expected; it looked more like any well maintained Government boarding house secondary school in Abuja except that the inmates couldn’t leave the area…ever! There were the sober religious type, the ashamed from-a-comfortable-background type but most looked like the average Joe on the street type. Some buildings were recently painted, the compound was neat, there were a lot of new structures and the effect of charitable donations/support from the public/NGOs could be seen. Me thinks that being a population database poor, non safety and security conscious country an escape from the prison would be easy and have the least of consequences. Anyways I digress.

Back to the subject it feels good to be in banking. The opportunities it offers you are endless but the effize of the profession is too much; one could easily get carried away! One could also get “carried away” by the pressures of the job. The demands are heavy so to be on top of ish you’ve got to be sharp and proactively continuously learning. Worse still like I said at the beginning one’s time-crunched! We’ll survive though.

And survival starts with watching my first Dream Team 4 game at the Olympics in a short while. I almost can’t believe I missed their first match…an Eagle’s match!” Work sucks at time! I can believe though that the Abuja Stadium disappointed yet again spectator-wise at the Man U-Portsmouth game a fortnight ago. To the best of my knowledge the only time its stands ever filled up for a football match was The All African Games 2003 u-23 men’s final between Nigeria and Cameroun. As expected a large portion of the crowd got in for free and a much larger portion of the crowd of football lovers in the city just couldn’t be bothered. We shouldn’t loose hair or bother too much to when ever Nigeria goes out of a football tournament. Football is an art not a science and even with the best of preparations one could still falter. Someone’s bound to loose…It ain’t gonna be me though. Ah game time! Excuse me while I do the needful. One!

I came back last week from a six day “working tour” of Mubi in Adamawa state and was only finally able to finish up Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s “Half of a yellow sun” on my journey back! In summary I think it’s a great book, with an A plus writing, entertainment and educative value. To me it was a mighty step up of Chimamanda’s craft from mid-level champ to big stage conqueror; much respect woman! The only side effect was that the book brought out the Biafran in me. But now that the novelty has since worn off I’m happy to reiterate that I’m proudly Nigerian.

While on the topic of “Half of a yellow sun” have you realized that It’s only “the marginalized” that vent and feel a bond to communalize…be closely knitted. I’m talking about my Igbo people (Igbo Town Development/Improvement Unions), the Blacks in America (pro black brotherhood this and that) and our Women (feminist and women empowerment movement) etc; intriguing…

My Mubi sojourn was my first visit up north/to the core north, and I’m happy to say the stereotype I was working with about the North being backward but yet still getting the better deal out of Nigeria has been countered to a large extent. We’re all smiling (the human spirit in them is alive) or suffering (the roads in and around Mubi are fucked, the poor live amongst them) when need be as Nigerians together. Though I admit they’re still generally silent in scheme of things like entertainment, media and ICT. The trip afforded me my first opportunity to attend an Islamic wedding. Some top shot got married to his fourth wife to fulfill all social status and identifying with the indigenes righteousness/obligations. Uhm, Intriguing…

By the way my birthday’s less than a week away. 17th, a quarter of a century Traeday thing. But it’s no biggie really; I’m saving the funfair until “the call or sms” comes through.

Alhamdulillah…All praise belongs to Allah…Thank you Allah.

The print version of Purple Hibiscus as available at Nu Metro Media store, Ceddi Plaza, Abuja

I recently got paid and so I decided that the right thing to do was to walk into the Nu Metro Media Store at Ceddi Plaza, Central Area Abuja for book and window shopping (the place reeks of affluence; it made me want to grab a gun and shout “stick em up!”). I finally settled with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s “Purple Hibiscus”, her other book “Half of a yellow Sun” and Sefi Atta’s “Everything Good Will Come”. The 3 books have been ringing in my ears for months now as I‘ve been seeing the buzz about them everywhere I go in the Naija blogosphere.

I’ve just got through Purple Hibiscus and if you asked my opinion I’d say it’s a good book, but I’m somehow not so awed by it. You see to me a great work of art is art that knocks me off my feet that upon consumption I’m like “this is genius! How did the artist manage to do this?” But in the case of Purple Hibiscus I could relate with pretty much everything the author put into her book and I understand where she was coming from characterization wise, that in a good month with the right inspiration and guidance I could well have written the book myself.

She’s a simple crafting-superb product kind of writer, such that I didn’t have much cause to consult a dictionary while reading like I would have bothered with other novels. And she was very minimally descriptive in her writing; she just wanted the story to flow. The book is not exactly autobiographical but reading it I felt as one with all of her experiences she put into writing the book. Detailedly:

1) Via many years of being a read and write freak online I understood the consciousness she put into the characters Obiora, Aunt Ifeoma and Amaka (Although she made Obiora wise above his age. I think it’s very much the exception for kids to be capable of that level of consciousness at that age. Being highly pro-Nigeria I could relate with Amaka’s alternative musical taste and philosophical stance).
2) Having frequently visited my village over the past few years I was happy with her apt depiction of village life in Igbo land and I was impressed by her great love for her Igbo roots.
3) Having had my university education in Nsukka between the year 2000 and 2006 I very much felt at home with the novel.
4) Having witnessed military rule in my awakening teenage years I could very much identify with the plot of the novel.
5) I went to a seminary secondary school but now considering myself a very liberal Catholic I could very much identify with her religious views as painted in the novel.
6) In life I’ve known what it means to be rich, middle income earning and poor, so I understood the extremes painted in the novel.

I’m now off to read “Half of a yellow Sun” and “Everything Good Will Come”. I hope they’ll sooth away my annoyance with Chimamanda for allowing Kambili’s mum poison her dad.

Udeme Junior, Chris Rock, Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer…your average man

Like his father Udeme Junior (Jnr) was a great man, but unlike his dad it wasn’t flying planes and drinking Guinness stout that did it for him, it was sex. To him it was just as normal a pattern formed by drops of greatness as any other could be and as such once he was on he had to be on. Nothing in his thinking came close to an orgasm, not even Nigeria winning the FIFA World Cup beating England, Ghana and Brazil along the way.

When it came to sex he liked it the easy way; with prostitutes (a.k.a. ashewos, ashawos, ashis). A major pro for the addiction being the large variety of options available to choose from and its programmability. And so when he bothered to care he was always left bewildered how the monogamous oriented managed.

He relished the scoping (observatory) ritual before the pounce where he would check out the stats of the ashis with the term well-proportioned as the benchmark. Flirtatiousness, sassiness and willingness to engage in small personal talk also racked up points for a girl in his books but loud mouthedness was a definite no-no.

Another stat that had become important to Udeme Jnr was that majority of the ashis he came across were of Igbo origin. A finding similarly obtainable in a lot of other amateur demographical research he had done. Once again he was left bewildered, pondering the reliability of the census system.

But tribe aside he had discovered that for all ashis pleasure servicing was just as normal a job as any other like bus driving or journalism. And staying true as typical Nigerians he’d come to understand that most of them were unfit to hold on to their titles. The rare breed that loved and mastered the art were hard to come by but when you did find them they left you feeling fulfilled like Cyprian Ekwensi’s Jaguar Nana for they were masters of the bed whether in faking or not.

Sadly though there was no redemption for his buddies as everyone exploited and looked down on them. They had to pay all sorts of bills and take care of all sorts of minor to major expenses. No real friendships were formed as the only relationships they built, with marketers and randy men were never unconditional. Daily life for them was a vicious cycle of smoking, drinking, fucking, dancing and mouth running. That being not much of a surprise considering the fact that most of them were school drop outs. Of course there was always the option of the higher class better-learned prostitutes in bars and on the streets to choose from but somehow Udeme Jnr had found himself more of a brothel monger.

The brothels were often a long narrow row of small rooms with the goods being displayed in front illuminated by red lights. Entering one Udeme Jnr observed the usual: a small bed, a small window and feminine interior decorating. Depending on the worth of the ashi the room might have also boasted of a fan, radio or TV. Taking off his clothes the instruction by the ashi that he should hang them on the wall nailings embarrassed him but soon the rush of blood to his dick enveloped him as she expertly wore him a condom as dexterously as a blind village woman peeling egusi/melon seeds.

It was time for the business, missionary position front assumed she guided his dick to her lubricant filled vagina and Udeme Jnr was resolved to pump away having not being encouraged to breast suck or engage in meaningless foreplay. Reading her mind she probably didn’t have time to waste and would exploit any chance presented to her to get her money without rendering full services.

The deed being done she cleaned his dick up with some tissue, the touch of her hands on his privates teasing him in an uneasy way making him reminisce about the crazy girl with the foul smelling cunt he fucked last week who kept pushing him for more when he had just about had enough. While he dressed up clumsily She flinged the evidence into a small basket at the side of her bed and prepared to freshen up for the next client.

He paid and bade her a quiet farewell at the same time thinking of how generously he would have tipped her had the sex been better. The guilt feeling came upon him but he consoled himself with the words “it’s just sex” and a silent prayer to drop the habit and keep the STIs away.

What happens when you don’t plan well for your kids

The blogpost you’re about to read can be summarized into the following sentences: well-to-do families beget successful children, while underprivileged families beget unsuccessful children. The underprivileged children that are lucky enough to make it good are few while children from well-to-do backgrounds have all it takes to make it big hence keeping the status quo. In addition if a couple is struggling with life but want a better future for their offspring their best bet is to birth only the number they can adequately take care of. Read on though to get the full picture.

Family Planning as used in this post does not just mean making the decision to have children but also making in-depth arrangements on how you intend to raise them.

Drawing from what Al Pacino said in The Godfather Part III (Don Michael Corleone addressing a letter to his children): “the only wealth in this world is children; more than all the money, power on earth, you are my treasure”, what truly matters or gives happiness in life is enjoying the children you raised. If you choose not to have them like Jeremy Weate of naijablog it’s ok but if you choose to the least you can do is to be a good parent and raise them well.

If you know financially and emotionally you can only properly take care of 1, 2 or 3 children then by all means stick to that. Don’t birth a battalion of kids and then end up: sending them out to live with relatives, always complaining that there’s no money when requests are made, loosing sleep over how to pay their school fees, abandoning them after their tertiary education but expecting them to perform miracles and bring you the goods (parent of a doctor, lawyer, senator etc).

Why I’m hammering on this is because ideally it’s the right thing to do. You do it for your children and they in turn will do it for theirs. There you go: a pleasant cycle of happiness (as against the vicious cycle of poverty we see too much in Nigeria). Just the same way you plan to marry right in order to avoid having sickler kids or ugly children which could make you look bad is the same way you should plan to raise children who can achieve greatness in order to be adequately taking care of in your old age.

In the western world you hear about parents starting very early to save for their kids’ college/university education fund but in Nigeria too much of the time it’s the hand to mouth or live-one-day-at-a-time existence, condemning children to a hard frustrating life. The result is there for all to see: 22-26 year old Nigerian graduates still largely dependent on their parents while their mates abroad are very much independent, married and some with children of their own. And the fact of work being not so easy to come by as it is abroad compounding the whole problem.

That’s why at times I don’t blame the children of well-to-do families, the type we like to call ajebota. A few of their parents might have acquired their wealth dubiously but at least they’re able to give their children the kind of education and comfort with which ideally nothing can prevent them from reaching the pinnacle of their success. They go to the best schools, socialize best, go on tour during holidays and they actually live their life enjoying the money that works for them and their parents (not the other way around…think rich dad, poor dad).if they want to be entrepreneurial when they reach adulthood they’re sure of full financial support from their parents which plays a big factor in their success. Look at the young people of the recent Future Awards, 90% of them were able to blow because of their parent’s moral and financial support. Not the no-money-to-pay-school-fees, go-to-night-vigil-as-Jesus-is-the-answer story the children of the less privilege have to contend with. People like Asa, Dimeji Bankole, Denrele Soundcity are testament to the advantages of having strong parents. Those that make it from grass to grace, on their own with minimal efforts from their parents are actually very lucky as for every one of them that succeeds a thousand others fail. Examples of this kind are John Mikel Obi, Chinedu Ikedieze and Osita Iheme (Aki and Pawpaw), 2face Innocent Idibia, Agbani Darego etc. It’s actually kind of like the no-finance-no-romance creed.

Now for the wrap up I’ll have you know that I’m not parent bashing. I know what effort they put into our lives (not less what my parents did for me) and that life is a long process with changing situations that can mess up original plans. I’m just annoyed that too many parents get it wrong from the start. Capisco…capiche…capeesh?!

It was the Great Nigerian novelist Chukwuemeka Ike who over 15 years ago wrote the book “our children are coming!” about the generation gap war between the young and their middle class parents. Borrowing a leaf from him I’d like to say in this commentary that in contemporary times children/youths of my age are not just coming, they are running! They’re in one too many instances in too much of a hurry to fill up their parents’/the elders’ shoes.

Almost every day I hear talk by youths of the likes of: “our leaders have messed things up for us, we have to set things right”. Not bad per se, but coming from the young and the restless, people who are hardly good managers in small quantities, talk less of If they are entrusted with major figures it becomes saddening and one can’t help it but weep for the future of the nation. It’s almost like another case of the prodigal son being in too much of a hurry to get his entitlements/inheritance from his father. What follows are four points to ponder on the topic.

1) Why the rush? You get in early; become a leader at 37, 8 years later you’re done, what next?

2) The elders might have messed up here and there but believe you me they didn’t spend their 50 plus years on earth moping about like sitting ducks doing nothing. Wisdom in different quantities and spheres has surely being accumulated all the while and as such they’re more than capable reference points for the youths. As the saying goes “there are certain things that an elder can see sitting down that a young man can’t see even if standing up.

3) Older people tend to be better leaders because they are experienced. They’ve been there and done that; have got that understanding and therefore tend to be more rational in their thoughts, words and actions. Having been in all types of shoes before they’re better equipped to walk the legs, carry others along and best satisfy each person. Needless time that would have been wasted on familiarization is thus saved. look at it this way: at the time of your first crush/relationship at say 16 you probably felt you’ve found your soul mate and that you were ready for the world, but now that you’re in your mid-twenties you can’t help but confess that you didn’t know shit back then and then thank your lucky star that you didn’t become a teenage father.

4) We should be patient and wait for our turn. Youth agitation is sort of like the entry level worker scheming for his boss’ job thinking that with his 1st class degree he could surely do better than his boss who has a 2nd class lower degree and 10 years of work experience under his belt.

Don’t get me wrong though I’m all for youth empowerment, it’s just that I want it done with the right mind set.

Ignorant hot blooded Biafran youths ready for war. Our children are indeed running.

We would move towards a better understanding of human relations if we stopped waiting on God and instead saw him in our neighbours. Picture appears courtesy of scari-nigeria.blogspot.com; but don’t be deceived, what it signifies is not really in line with the thrust of this blog post.

In a way this is a follow up to Some Penmanshit on the concept of friendship written almost two years ago. I hope to help you towards a better understanding of human relations by letting you into my train/chain of thoughts.

1) There’s nothing like one’s permanent enemies/friends. In most cases our enemies/friends are determined by our interest of the day.

2) At each phase of life we associate only with people that help us achieve our dreams. We only keep very few friends/acquaintances through the different phases.

3) Points 1 and 2 are buttressed by the fact that life’s a continuous rat race where it’s basically “all man for himself and God for us all, whoever is slow may the Devil take him”.

4) As situations in our life change (example: job change, house relocation) so do our friends. Old ones that we may never relate with again are discarded for new ones.

5) Point 4 is more clearly understood if we realize this sad irony of life: When we (you or I) celebrate our birthday in 10 years time our circle of friends then will most definitely be significantly different from the ones we have now.

6) More money equals more friends and vice versa. That’s because with more money there are more people to deal with in relation to the increased money outlets. Friendship is basically the selfish act of sticking with people for what we can get out of them (example; sex, food, fame, companionship to prevent loneliness etc).

7) Examples of situation 6 can be seen in actors, musician and footballers. They continuously come and go (rave of the moment ish), in between having their 20 seconds of fame.

8)) The 20 seconds of fame phenomenon in point 7 is illustrated by this line:

“Yo you in platinum, yeah that’s nice/now let me see you do the same thing twice/”

Nas in (in Kanye West’s “Air Force Ones’ Classic Nike remix”. Also featuring KRS-One and Rakim)

9) In relation to point 7 great men/women are those who stay relevant in the scheme of things for a long time. But this is not always true as the fact that some people are no more in the scheme of things doesn’t mean they’ve lost their greatness. It might just be that the nature of their new hustle doesn’t command front page headlines.