While most parts of the world are making great strides towards the enshrinement of workers’ rights vis-à-vis maintaining a healthy and motivated labour force there are still those companies in modern day Nigeria who embarrassingly refuse to grow up out of the dark ages. A prime example is Team Morale Ltd, a service provider for Hello Nigeria.

Rumour has it that Team Morale Ltd managed by Doctor Pep Talker, a two term Chairman of the Committee of Approved Nigerian Telecoms Operatives is fronting for top heads at Hello Nigeria such that he was able to successfully get the outsourcing contract from Hello Nigeria for its’ Online Call Centre in Jang which has now become its’ biggest such unit in Nigeria surpassing other such units in Eko, KD and Kan Aminu.

Investigations reveal that the condition of its’ staff at The Jang Call Centre can best be described as modern day slavery. Or what else do you describe a situation in which after almost a year of operation staff there do the same work with the same targets as their counterparts in Eko, KD and Kan Aminu yet earn one third their salary and don’t even have the privilege of owning staff lines.

Hello Nigeria’s Jang workers are the most poorly motivated Call Center Representatives you’ll ever find in any Nigerian telecoms firm. A look at the behaviour of Team Morale Ltd’s HR right from the recruitment stage will show the total disregard Hello Nigeria-Team Morale Ltd has for its staff. Hundreds of youths were deceived to leave behind better paying jobs and bare the risk of relocating to a volatile Jang in the hope of better work conditions with Hello Nigeria, one of Nigeria’s top GSM networks only to be hit with an inhuman offer of employment letter whose take home pay can’t even get them home on a regular monthly basis.

The end result of this is that Hello Nigeria’s Jang Call Center Representatives occasionally lose it, transferring their aggression on to their customers in a display of appalling customer service.

That Hello Nigeria-Team Morale Ltd management can be very high handed is an understatement. Unfriendly policy decisions such as maternity leave with any form of pay and hoarding of Information especially as regards staff welfare is the order of the day, consequently with life at the Call Center resembling the dark days of military rule in Nigeria.

Staff are regularly punished with no form of appeal and sacked with impunity as evident in the layoff of no less than 30 workers since January 2011 for flimsy reasons such as merely offering positive suggestions which go against the managements ideal of how to move the company forward.

The rot in Hello Nigeria-Team Morale Ltd is exemplified in that it’s Jang Call Center Operations Manager an expatriate, whose contribution to productivity is questionable has since December of 2010 being taking up residence in an hotel room whose bills for a day is enough to pay a month’s salary of the lowest of its Call Center Agent.

Staff role appointment is also to a large extent devoid of merit with the ranks being manned by many management yes boy and girls. With an ingenious divide and rule remuneration policy set up to reward such yes boys and girls on a monthly basis.

Rounding of this expose on a light note, with a population of over 900 and counting, a common Jang beer parlour gist is that Hello Nigeria-Team Morale Ltd spinsters are the cheapest in town, easier than University of Jang female undergraduates as being eager for marriage to lift them out of their pitiable situation they have set their standards so low.

In conclusion all evidence points to the fact that a Sanusi Lamido like banking system cleansing would be welcomed in Hello Nigeria-Team Morale Ltd.

So you’ve heard and read it all: the execution of Troy Davies in Georgia USA, The release by Iran of the US spies/hikers and the arrest of the British-Ghanaian banker Kweku Adoboli plus tons others. In all the common denominator I’m interested in at the moment is detention as a result of an alleged crime. What are some of the tips you’re better off knowing as a Nigerian male who’s expected to be a man in all situations, and if by chance you find yourself locked down how do you cope.

1) The first rule of being a Master Mind is to not get caught, yes as incompetent as the Nigerian security agencies are you still need to cover your tracks. The odds are stacked against you though cos in most cases somehow somehow fowl nyash dey open, but the smart will know how to lay low after a hit with making it in the long run in mind. But truth be told despite the thrill of a misdemeanor, and in a lot of cases trying to prove a point because you’re aggrieved ultimately there’s nothing as good as having peace of mind. The benefits of going legit cannot be overstated; your people need you and you can’t afford to let them down. Like Osaze, Enyeama and MySpace.com you’re not indispensable and people tend to forget you when you go down. But form is temporal and class is permanent; try to be spotless and excel in your own field so that when your name is mentioned people remember you for the positive effect you had on their life.

2) For the most part infrastructure wise Nigeria can be a very horrible place. Thus if you find yourself in police detention be prepared for the worst. The EFCC net though is notches up that ladder possible because of the higher standing of the institute and inmates thus in many more ways its sanity friendly and assault and homosexuality free. Both ways though when the desirable is not available the available becomes desirable. Little things like pillows, bed space near exits become coveted and your animal survival instincts will come to play but your ability to be amiable will keep you in the good books of all. Detention will take away your freedom, you’ll dream not of driving a good car but of just being able to take a walk in the park. And not going anywhere fast you’ll think your whole life like reading the Bible start to finish many times over. Fear not though because whatever comes to a man is equal to a man. Stick with the happy crowd, there’ll be lots of laughs to share and try to engage yourself productively. Stay healthy and body build when possible; also learn as many skills as you’ll be exposed to that’ll raise your value in the job market when you’re out. Personally I advise against getting your mind twisted with the Bible or religious stuff as it only serves to give you hope of a lazy kind with lots of man hours waste in tow. It’s like getting addicted to gambling instead of seeing how you can go one step better than chance/luck to seize control of your universe. In all try to keep a positive mind; worthy of note: The Shawshank Redemption.

3) Success has many fathers but failure is an orphan. This idiom will come to play in your detention experience. I’ve seen a lot in my lifetime that I can authoritatively tell you that very few will be willing and able to sacrifice time and money to help you when you’re down. Some will sympathize from afar but for most life just goes on. Your 100% bet of people that’ll come get you out or run around to meet your bail conditions is your family, possibly because blood is thicker than water and people feel naturally drawn to help their own. Other than that this is when you’ll know your true/real friends. Forget about how much of the guy or popular you think you are now, detention and down times reveal the big picture. You’ll do well to reanalyze and balance out your relationships now knowing where the people in your life stand so as to avoid a shock therapy in future. On a lighter scale “thank God you’re not an Americans”, in the West its stuff like this that renders people homeless but you’re Nigerian and should make sure you have a healthy support system by your good deeds now that you’re on top.

4) Finally a note for government and anyone entrusted with leadership position over others. People just want to work and be happy (gainful employment), make an honest living and be able to splurge once in a while. Not worrying about where the next meal will come from and where to lay their head at night. To dissuade people from committing crime you’ve got to work your social security system, create jobs, pay a living wage and make available the necessary infrastructure. Humanity starts with you and me and realizing in our every action that we’re all brothers and everyone has the right to live and not just exist. It’s either that or the words of Tupac Amaru Shakur will forever reign true: “I ain’t guilty cos even though I sell rocks/it feels good putting money in your mail box/”.

Multiple Choices: Planning Your Career for the 21st Century

I just wanted to add that you and I active job seekers know what the market is like. Masters/PHD without job experience is bullshit. If I was hiring any such person would be on a long thing. I find it strange that people spend their money and time doing masters in Sociology etc when they don’t plan to do jack with it. Doing masters just for the sake of doing masters; and in the end holding down a shitty paying job. Paper qualifications are overrated. In most cases a degree or its equivalent is ok. Even sef if you’re into entertainment or self employed I’d say fuck the degree and do a course/certification in line with your career objectives. Down with distant learning culture in Naija, adults 25 years and above still being fed by their parents, over reliance on lazy ass Government jobs and minimum wage paying white collar gigs. I take my hats off to entrepreneurs; Lord knows we need more of them.

My advice would be when on IT make sure you actually make great effort with learning on the job skills. Pick up a trade, there’s no shame in making money and being an independent adult. Skill is everything, while waiting to write JAMB UME immerse yourself in learning stuff: programming, tailoring, baking, carpentry etc. Like Whiz Kid said don’t dull! If the jobs that fit your skill set can be thought to an OND holder in a month you’ll continue to be the bottom of the food chain. On the other hand concrete knowledge/skills gained never leaves you; it’s like fixed capital.

Note that I’m not absolving myself of any guilt, just venting. See the below quotes. Peace!

These days when people talk about scarcity of good jobs, I sometimes wonder, I think skilled graduates are much more scarce than good Jobs.

My company has been seeking to recruit a programmer in a certain language for like 4 months and even advertised in a national daily with no success! Despite the number of interested applicants we have.

I have also been seeking a candidate who has even a basic knowledge of PHP/MySql in Abuja for weeks without success and there are still jobless computer science students in this country!

Typical dulling (under employed) Naija civil servant

As bad decisions go, I have had a few myself, the worst of which, I reckon is leaving my decent job in Abuja and turning down two other better offers to travel to the UK for an expensive Masters degree, frittering away all I had worked for. Masters degree completed, no job in the UK, no job in Nigeria, where do I go from here? Lessons learnt!

Firstly I know we’re hooked to the American culture and all but make we dey try for ourselves now! I’m sick of Nigerian radio and TV presenters reeling out “today in history” facts full of American and Western incidences. Didn’t shit happen in our own past? Let’s go the extra mile to learn about them!

It has always been a thing of joy to me when I discover Nigerian stuff from way back online, be it old pictures, audio and video clips, and articles throwing light on historical high points which I hitherto knew next to nothing about. Sadly a good number of these discoveries have been courtesy websites managed by non-Nigerians.

I accept that a major cause of this minus our piss poor record keeping is the fact that formal education was very late to reach our parts but this excuse is no longer tenable in our past 50 years or thereabouts. Like the Noah’s Ark example if we don’t preserve we face the option of destruction.

And what easier way to start a rebirth than to sensibly populate the Wikipedia articles of concepts that we’re very familiar with. No longer should lack of information undermine us; additionally with this we should be spoilt for choices whenever we want to cite historical references and quotes.

There’s nothing more beautiful or cute then beholding a natural hair wearing sister, more so one whom you can appreciate without the need for all that make up stuff. (For those wondering none of the girls in this picture ”attached”. I repeat none. You can get your hair to look like this if you educate yourself. The picture was taken at a natural hair meet-up in Kenya.)

Secondly and in the main: hair. True words as my good friend Miss Bennie pointed out it’s all a matter of choice. That is, the decision by Black women to engage in the heavy use of chemicals, weaves and extensions as against wearing their hair naturally. But the glaring thing is that many Black/Nigerian women today make this choice based on an ill informed premise. It’s like being born into Christianity and having your whole reasoning shaped by the Bible, never taking the chance to criticize your beliefs and thus holding a condescending view of Non Christians and proclaiming like my colleagues Nsikan and Adeleke are want to often do that “if you’re not born again then you’re not smart enough”.

For me the choice I’ve made is that as much as possible wifey should be seriously pro natural hair. Braids are cool but wigs and weaves reduced to the barest minimal. On my own tip I’m dreaming locks and braids if ish permits. This ain’t no fad; all the girls I’ve ever been close to can bear me witness that I’ve always been an admirer of the natural hair and facial look. And if I ever was different then it had got to be road kill. Road kill is road kill, no strings attached.

Colonialism and globalization have condition Black people to accept Western Standards of beauty from birth and adopt the defeatist attitude that their hair is inferior. Consequently they style their hair after their Westerners with a great majority wearing artificial/other people’s hair to feel complete. Sadly a lot of them repeatedly turn down the chance to go natural not understanding that as hair textures are different so also should hair care be. It’s like being a sportsperson; you don’t apply the exact same set of skills you use in a rugby game to play American football.

Sadly the same people who cry out that all men are created equal and decry racism as per economic opportunities then turn around to bitch that their Creator created them with inferior hair. What irony! Don’t tell me you don’t see nothing wrong in our grandmothers going strong on 70 still rocking weaves and wigs all the way to the grave. Or in 95% of our young ladies fresh outta secondary school taking part in The Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria (MBGN) beauty pageant condemning themselves to carry other people’s hair in order to be called beautiful. As some wise chick once put it “Natural hair is better for the SAME reason your OWN skin colour is better. Because you shouldn’t have to modify the colour of your skin by bleaching it before you can be called beautiful.”

For those interested in the natural hair movement there are abundance of materials online to help you when you google. The website “Black Girl Long Hair” is a nice starting point. ‘Nuff said, love your own people, I rest my case!

Proactiveness would have prevented all this. And taking a decision to postpone the elections the first time around is not rocket science; for Christ’s sake that’s the logical move going by the electoral act. Giving the position of things that afternoon anyone (even a 10 year old) in Jega’s shoes would have done the same thing. Sacking Jega now is not an option being that we’re at the peak of operations but if we must progress as a nation then we must be disciplined and strive for excellence. Encouraging people to do right and when they do right and duly applying penalties when things go wrong to ensure everyone steps up their game.

I’ll tell you a story; when I was in banking, to enable checks and balances we had a practice of rotating duties as to which pair of staff were the custodian of the branch keys weekly. It so happened that on one faithful day a staff on duty due to one reason or the other was late to work and forgot the branch keys at home. The consequence was that the branch missed clearing at CBN for that day. In the Nigerian context clearing is an activity mediated by the Central bank in which different banks come together to net off or settle their trades, transactions and interbank cheques. Such dealings often run into millions if not billions of Nairas and determines when customers get value for cheques deposited into their accounts. For such an error which adversely affected the bank in its intent to meet its service level agreement with its customers, the said staff was suspended without pay for one month as a disciplinary measure. Now think about what Jega did and the adverse effects it had financially, logistically and psychologically on the total mass of 150 million Nigerians and tell me why actions shouldn’t be taken against the INEC staff responsible for letting the nation down. Personally I’d like to see some months of working suspension without pay imposed as a deterrent against such behaviour ever again.

Let’s say no to mediocrity in Naija; we deserve better! (Art wise this is not the most professional of jobs but you can get where I’m driving at right?)

My colleagues and followers of my rants on Facebook alike also know I am an ardent supporter of Governor Ibrahim Shekarau’s cause to be elected president this year. And so recently I was asked why I take such a stand and being one to stand on the path of reason I did so as follows.

1) He has the necessary political experience being a two term Governor of a state as important as Kano.

2) He is intelligent, cool, calm, collected and has the leadership charisma. He’s the kind of person you’ll be bold/proud to point out as your president. As was seen at the recent Presidential debates he was the only candidate that addressed the issues sensibly. Showing within those hours that he was a candidate with a clear thought mission, well informed of our national challenges and realistically having ideas on how to tackle them. Contrast this to Nuhu Ribadu who debated exuberantly like a school boy Student Union President, Buhari who had his head in the clouds or President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (JEG) who kept on riding his luck and failing to inspire confidence.

3) He is a fine gentleman devoid of ethnic and religious sentiments who in the past 8 years has been able to greatly ensure peace and stability in Kano as diverse as it is.

4) He is a sound policy maker, who does his homework well and consults extensively before swinging into action. Agreed there might have been a few contentious issues but all said and done Governor Ibrahim Shekarau’s is an honest, hardworking, modest and incorrupt leader who did a fair job in Kano State.
5) He is a humble man; you can’t but be enthralled if you read up on his rise to the post of Governor from being a mere civil servant. He also is very diplomatic, and few exist who can objectively speak badly of him.

6) Real recognizes real; no wonder Pat Utomi also endorses him.

7) Compared to the competition, he is the best choice. Buhari truncated democracy in the past and has no moral right to aspire to be President. Nuhu is simply not up to standard and inexperienced. Jonathan is not his own man and doesn’t have the mettle of a president.

June 12th was the day. Much like it symbolizes for us in our national consciousness: good turned bad, turned good again; it was for me sort of like the gift and the curse. Some stuff I was pursuing finally materialised on that day but sadly my car was also involved in a crash. The reason being that out of trust built up over some months I had turned a blind eye to the fact that my repaired car would stay overnight in my mechanic’s care. And as fate would have it the worst happened, the car got hit pretty badly and my mechanic sustained injuries, though not too severe. All this left me as confused as Nigerians after The Eagles’ one nil loss to Argentina; hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

What follows are some of the lessons learnt in my eight month ordeal. These are all purely from the Nigerian experience, though first time car owners wherever might still be able to learn a thing or two.

The chief of this is that there’s no substitute for family. Like Baz Luhrmann implied in “everybody’s free to wear sunscreen” they’re the ones that will always have your back. My father was immense in this regard. Demoralized, confused and low on cash my Dad encouraged me greatly and we decided against the use of force/courts because face it all lawyers and the police are really interested in Naija style is money. Funds were sourced for the repair to commence, which all in all cost about one third the original purchase price of the car. The agreement reached with my mechanic being he’d take responsibility and pay back in instalments till the refund was achieved.

Naturally the repair was in trusted in the hands of mechanic and his associates. The procedure being body work (panel beating), engineering (mechanical) and then electricals. The basics being done I had to take the car to a different workshop where it’ll be worked on with much more seriousness to take care of the finishing. Because as expected my mechanic just wanted to do the bare minimal and get the load off his chest once and for all. Ideally with money and man power on call this repair could be concluded in a month, but realistically it’s worth noting that after an accident and repairs Naija style the car will never be the same. Like they say there might be forgiveness but the scars will always remain.

A major tip when dealing with car matters is that no matter how busy you are it really helps if you can monitor your mechanic when carrying out repairs. That way you learn more about your car, you protect yourself from the fallouts of a shoddy job and you decrease the turnaround time. Significantly too you potentially cut the cost of repairs down by at least 30% as you get to join in the bargaining (pricing) of spare parts. Note: people will always try to game you if you allow them! Following through on this when it comes to registering or renewing your car particulars it’s best to ditch the Nigerian mentality of always aiming to cut corners. The official way is actually stress free and more economical!

Another tip is that modus operandi wise mechanics like doctors deal with difficult problems by using the same method of diagnosing via a process of elimination. The downside is that this can be costly and futile if the mechanic is inexperienced. You need to watch out for the countenance of a mechanic when at work. A bad workman quarrels with his tools and frowns a lot. A good craftsman on the other hand knows with much greater certainty what needs to be done and does so. Thus as a rule of thumb much older mechanics with years of experience are often better.

Lastly with all certainty I’ve come to realise that mobility is a necessity not an extravagance; it greatly enhances efficiency. The loss of mobility for me was tough to adjust to and bear and it adversely affected my self-esteem. Shout outs to all the commercial riders/drivers. Drive safe people; you might want to interpret this as drive slow and not by faith (hitting on 140 km/hr when you can’t be certain of the condition of the road a kilometre away) to avoid “speaking grammar”, throwing money down the drain and Inconveniencing yourself.

August 3rd 2009. My car when it just came through, courtesy the happy people of Intercontinental Bank and the good people of Mubi, Adamawa State.

June 20th 2010. Some days after the gift and the curse.

November 3rd 2010. Surgery commences.

December 14th 2010. Surgery in progress.

January 12th 2011. Surgery near completion.

And so I ask why can’t my people in Jos fucking get along?! Why the insanity with the weekly vicious cycle of killings, burnings and assault? Mere mortals we all are, our skin colour is all the same so why allow our ethnic differences to divide us? More ridiculously why act on hate in the name of religion when most of us are only but Sunday Sunday/Friday Friday worshippers? Why allow religion to fuck with our minds to the extent we can’t think logically anymore?

Being in an election period and so extending this to our politicians why can’t they just fucking carry us along and stop being so self-centered? GamineGirlie wrote an article weeks back about how she thinks the energy expounded by concerned Nigerians primarily via social media networks on the need to take the voters registration dead serious is misplaced. Her argument is that everybody’s talking about voting but nobody’s talking about making sure we have credible candidates to vote in the first place. And she does have a point; made all the more obvious by politicians like Kwara state Governor Bukola Saraki.

The idea that Nigerian politics is devoid of ideals and is basically a “I chop you chop” system is demonstrated so vivaciously and most recently by his (Bukola Saraki) actions. Here was a man that only months ago appeared visionary and wanted to best the works of GEJ (Goodluck Ebele Jonathan) as President come May 2011. All of a sudden after changes in the power games of his party the PDP at national level and at the state level he’s swiftly humbled his ambition so much so that overnight he declared for, poached, contested and won a senatorial seat nomination. That my friend is a man who doesn’t give a fuck about your welfare but is merely seeking to maintain a steady flow of income for himself. Like the chameleon he’ll change his spots as many times as he has to; survival is after all the name of the game.

You want more examples to buttress the point? Gladly; Abubakar Olusola Saraki, who assumes he’s some sort of indispensable figure in Kwara state to the extent that all governors must breathe through him. His idea of kwara state progressing is having all leadership within his blood line. Another popular example is the God father of Amala politics the Late Lamidi Adedibu who believed the job of efficiently running a state was only possible after all parties had partaken in a meal of hot amala served from his kitchen funded solely from the state’s allocation. Other example include but are not restricted to Governor/Senator (either or both titles would do) George Akume, Ahmad Sani Yerima, Ahmed Makarfi and Chimaroke Nnamani. Nigeria we hail thee!

I had found myself in the Gada Biu area on the morning of the 25th as I had to pass through on my way home. The night before I had received a call from family asking about my safety and it was only then I knew I was sadly finally going to get a taste of Jos crises, having by incidents of fate had my previous “residency” between the crises of December 2008 and January 2010.

The story was that on Christmas Eve at about 7.30 pm several bombs had gone off in Angwan Rukuba and Gada Biu areas of Jos, both predominantly Christian areas killing a number of people and injuring many others. Everybody was shocked considering the relative peace of the Jos metropolis in the past 12 months. Equally many people were angry, mainly made up of the natives and resident Igbo settlers who felt the attacks were targeted against them and sadly retaliation started. That was what I witnessed that morning as youths in annoyance burnt a truck filled with washing powder and some other small vehicles, all allegedly being driven by Muslims and battered small supposedly Muslim owned stalls. I even saw a man wearing a kaftan’s dead body in the gutter.

I left the area in a hurry and by 1.30pm when I passed through the area again in my bid to spend Christmas at my friends I saw that things had stabilized with security agents everywhere. Sadly though it became a very quiet Christmas in Jos as most people decided to stay indoors. Businesses were locked up and the streets were devoid of cars with most people trekking their way to their various destinations.

Rest in peace to those who lost their lives for merely being in the wrong place at the wrong time and I can only hope that things pick up in the coming days and restore itself to the state it was pre the bombings: I had gone for a little shopping at the Terminus market on the evening of the 24th around 5pm and the place was jam packed with everybody gearing up for Christmas day.

Songs about Jane, rants about love and marriage. Sort of a time induced sequel to my “Let’s talk about girls, kids and favourite teams” post of May 2006. Social engineering, a recent love interest of mine after pondering the recent Amos Adamu and the slightly older Sarah Palin email hack. So here goes

8] So I’m at the stage of life where my mates are starting to tie the knots one by one or bullshit aside working seriously towards that. And in a couple of cases where both parties work in the same office a party has resigned for the other in order not to fall foul of HR laws. Worse still that party remained jobless after the ceremonies with the income of the union now tied to one source. My opinion: big mistake. Could be really pretty risky especially as in many regards money is the fuel which sustains love. This is backed by test number 12 from “Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships” by Chip Ingram (adapted from “marriage for moderns” by Henry Bowman”. Available for download here).

A couple that is genuinely in love and not infatuated do not feel an almost irresistible drive towards haste. Infatuated couples tend to feel an urge towards getting married. Postponement is intolerable to them and they interpret it as deprivation rather than preparation.

When it comes to marriage I’m pro long courtship. I believe it should be about genuinely time tested and trusted best friends wanting to commit together. All other reasons for commitment are not really healthy. Especially in a society like Nigeria where government social support is nonexistent and insurance is bullocks, it’s best to play into the hand of someone that’ll stand by you if shit should ever hit the fan. Stall the wedding date till the other party can fix up another source of income; what will be will be.

9] After reading an article online about a wedding called off due to astronomical student debts owed by the bride, I’ve come to ever more realize that marriage in reality is like a business deal which makes the best sense if it’s mutual benefiting. No one goes into business with the aim of making looses. Everyone wants to enhance his or her portfolio, which in many regards is expressed in monetary terms. One party coming through packing debts or obligations which become overbearing with time should be a big no no. Both parties should endeavour to review their financial positions and possible outlook before doing the do.

10] Coming down home we as Nigerians would be better off if we learnt to treat marriage like we treat our homes; the Inside clean and the outside dirty is the best balance. Nigerians are selfish like that, we go to great deals to pimp up our homes but don’t care much about our collective surroundings. Likewise if we (hint…ladies) cared more about keeping our relationships alive and less about showing off with big weddings and bragging about our marital status we could actually be better off.

11] As above in tune with keeping your marriage as comfortable as possible keep the conceptions down, in line with your income to maintain an above average standard of living. A family holiday every year should not be a pipe dream or something you just watch in movies. The creator put man on earth to conquer and explore not to spend a life time living from hand to mouth.

12] Finally on a parting note I think I’m now seriously pro natural hair and would go to any lengths to support and convince my girl (girl in this case means one of my own race) to carry such. Nappy headz rule!

Social engineering is when an attacker/hacker uses human interaction (manipulation via social skills) to obtain or compromise information about a person, an organization or its computer systems. As earlier mentioned I got researching on this after actively pondering the Amos Adamu and Sarah Palin incidents. In the end I was able to successfully hack two email addresses and got pass the first question of many a friend’s Yahoo! Mail Forgot Password feature. This article will bring you up to speed on the technique I used to take advantage of Yahoo’s decision to cut customer service costs associated with attending to password recovery queries. Yes people yet another reason to choose Gmail over Yahoo.

Update!: Please see this post for a follow up on the Yahoo password recovery process as regards to social engineering.

Can you relate with this?

“The tellers and customer service ladies of Bank EW are just plain rude; imagine going to withdraw your own money and being told to wait for hours or to come back tomorrow because the servers are down; I don’t remember them telling me that when I came to open the account!”

“My sister I cried to my creator from the bottom of my heart today. I was made to feel subhuman just because I went to one office to submit my CV”.

“I can only blame myself for taking my own two feet into that place. The reply I got was so cold and unhelpful just for the simplest of enquiries. It was a total waste of time and energy.”

“Why do these ISPs keep employing clueless and dumb people? Can you imagine the guy at the help desk telling me “I was not trained to activate this plan on a phone. I can only activate on PC. Please go and bring your laptop”. Source.

“My people I don’t even know why we waste our time on this the Police is your friend mantra in Nigeria. Do you know that I always have to make sure the money in my pocket is enough before going to the Police station to report a genuine issue? It’s like those guys work on a pay as you go basis.”

If you can relate with all these read on, if not please quit reading.

Colleagues we’re in that shoe now with our present job, we can either prevent people from further experiencing and saying the same or we can tow the status quo. Let’s do away with the “everyone wants to fix humanity; no one wants to fix themselves syndrome. It begins with you, change begins with us.

Just like relationships crumble if one party doesn’t offer to say I’m sorry, or a traffic jam gridlock persist if one driver doesn’t say “I’ll be patient, you may go first”. Things can only be better off if we decide and start to make an effort.

Like the hotel bell boy let’s learn to work like our only form of remuneration was based on tips arising from the level of satisfaction our customers get from our service. Let’s learn to treat our customers like we would treat our mothers

Let the below thoughts and often made statements be things of the past

a) Nkemakonam Ezidinma Ifejika opined on Facebook that for Nigerians anywhere in the world, customer service is a gene extracted at birth. That is to say Nigerians are incapable of being consistently polite and helpful. They are the kings and queens of mood swings.

b) In Nigeria there’s no place for merit. We can’t queue or be patient. Everyone wants to cut corners and get served before others. It’s like a “my family comes first” credo. And that’s why poverty persists because those in top positions don’t allow for the wealth to flow down to the bottom, hence everyone wants to be at the top and so corruption is birthed. We were brought up this way and so bring up our kids in like fashion too. A vicious cycle.

c) There’s a deep rooted rat race or jungle mentality in Nigeria that impedes development and breeds nepotism and tribalism. Like Mark Shuttleworth said: “Tribalism is when one group of people start to think people from another group are “wrong by default”. It’s the great-granddaddy of racism and sexism.

d) Nigerians are only bothered about the self, there’s no sense of concern for maintenance of public/company property. That’s why the civil service is in shambles. That’s also why the white man is brought in to instil discipline; we then fight to go abroad to enjoy the perks of a disciplined society we have denied ourselves.

In line with the above and bringing the matter back home mycustomer advocates the following

1) And end to the “applications are not working please call back” sing along. Especially when we don’t even bother to get them working in the first place, have no idea of their workarounds or can’t even be bothered to remember our passwords. Food for thought: Do you know that telling a customer that the applications are not working please call back is akin to telling a pensioner who invested a lot of energy and money to go back home and come tomorrow because the bank for some flimsy reason or another cannot pay today.

2) It’s good to pick 200 calls a day but it’s even better to pick 150 and deal with them decisively. We’re lucky to have a strong brand and a consequent low elasticity of demand but we should bear in mind that ultimately customer service goes a long way in determining customer retention and business profitability.

3) Stop leaving your mails unread. You stand to keep yourself ignorant (no product knowledge) when you do so consequently manifesting in frequently putting your customers on hold and running around the call center asking questions. You also leave the knowledgeable customer shaking his head on the opposite side lamenting your cluelessness.

4) An end to the “I’ll end call on you”, “I’ll block your line” incidents. Let’s learn to manage our irritations and show compassion to the slow to comprehend and confused. You become a better person, the bigger man when you learn to tolerate customers venting their anger on you yet reply politely to empathise and educate. It shows there’s substance in your character; consequently you’ll see that people will want to look you up for a repeat dealing.

I now hope that upon everyone reading this, this other incidence that some of us regularly experience will decrease: “customers asking for a way to get back to us directly as they are afraid of speaking to others because they have no confidence their queries will be resolved on a random call back.

“Like the hotel bell boy let’s learn to work like our only form of remuneration was based on tips arising from the level of satisfaction our customers get from our service. Let’s learn to treat our customers like we would treat our mothers”