Fuck the police, I’m a hustler!


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Fuck the police!
Once in a while I do the night crawling thing or even sef the normal broad day light minding my own business ish only to be harassed by the Nigerian Police. Such encounters only succeed in leaving a bitter taste in my mind about our law enforcement agents and getting me blabbing out verbal obscenities like “fuck the police!” (When I’m not in earshot distance sha) A phrase made popular by many an American rapper. Webbo can clearly relate with me on that. A lot of police officers have so angered me that I doubt if I can ever bring myself to lend a helping hand to an enforcer of the law again. It’s a shame really…on both sides.

Somebody once suggested that extortion and not protection of life and property is the main business the Nigerian Police are into and I strongly agree with him. The situation is so bad that it’s virtually only in Nigeria that one hears the word police and begins to be afraid. An ideal situation is if called upon for questioning by the police you swiftly do so and then go about your normal business.

There’s no dignity in the Nigerian Police profession, people loathe them. In developed countries the police are really your friend. They’re respected by all and sundry starting from the common man on the street all the way to the big time celebrity and business mogul. I still fondly remember when I was a kid of about 6 years old in London, how we would have regular visits in school by Policemen who would come to speak to us about how to cross the road and not talking to strangers. They’d play with us…educate and entertain us and in the end we couldn’t help but look upon them with admiration. Such happening in Naija? Highly unlikely.

The way forward? A major course of the misconduct of the police is their poor salaries. As such their mind has been corruption conditioned as a way to break even. A mega pay rise taking into consideration the risk factor involved in their profession would help to set their minds straight. Also years of negative accustomization to the theory that being a member of the force is a license to be a mild terrorist/above the law should be dealt with by reorientating them to their service duty of keeping watch over society like a loving big brother. Also the low educational qualification levels of many Policemen is responsible for their brutish ways, a new policy of recruiting officers with a minimum qualification of an OND certificate would go a long way to seeing that the force becomes a respectable outfit.

I’m a hustler!
You know how ingenious our 19 boys can be (energy channelled in the wrong direction…yeah I know). Well out of idleness and brokenness I created what could be a potential 19 runs marketing ad (pictured above). I like the professional way I went about relaying my message (although I used one too many slangs). You tell me, could anyone fall for that?

Personality reviews and election disillusionment


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Personality reviews

I suggest you read Lolita's Litanies’ Influences... blog post on Laide, It’s an article by one blogger objectively analysing another. Laide herself (to an extent) took it in good faith. Being a two year deep fan of Laide myself I could relate with a lot of Lolita’s opinions. I must say it was nice of her to do the review.

I’m quite an amateur psychologist, I’ve helped a lot of people out with analysis and dozen other such analyses I’ve kept to myself. I wonder what I would read if one of my loyal blog readers (not to sound egoistic but I’ve being blogging for almost three years now, do the maths) took time out to analyse me bringing out my strengths, my weaknesses and the areas for improvement. I’m not saying such analysis would be the gospel truth about myself because reading a couple of my posts online doesn’t mean you know me in-depth, but it would to a large extent help me redefine myself as out of the abundance of the heart the mind speaks (I blog).

Election disillusionment

A while back I was really excited about the 2007 Nigerian elections and was looking forward to the leadership change. But it’s really sad that as at today I don’t give a fuck about the elections…particularly the presidential one.

With the wisdom gained with age I’ve made a few changes to my past presidential choices. It’s truly sad but a whole lot of the candidates are unworthy to rule or hold leadership positions in a democratic Nigeria. They’ve messed up big time one way or the other that if I start calling names and offences I won’t end. Obasanjo, Atiku, Maurice Iwu, Nuhu Ribadu, Andy Uba, Adedibu, Alao-Akala, Ahmadu Ali, Yar'Adua, Goodluck Jonathan, Orji Uzor Kalu, Iyabo Obasanjo-Bello, Buhari, Ngige, IBB etc. Don’t get me started, in an ideal political setting when you don messed up you resign, apologise to the nation or go to press to clear your name because the collective good of the nation is always above self. But in a country like ours they’re quiet like sitting ducks because as far as you’ve got money and the right connections you can do no wrong.

I wince when I see campaigns on TV or in the flesh like the Benue State political rallies and road processions full of youths wearing white t-shirts with political imprints and making a hell of noise. The same people frustrated by their leaders don’t rebel but instead sell their soul for a few thousand Nairas. I guess it’s like prostitution, have one night of mutually beneficial fun and the next day it’s over to the next guy.

But if I eventually vote (I’m not sure anything will take me back to the remote place where I got registered in Benue State) I might as well pitch my tent with Pat Utomi or Chris Okotie…they’re far more blameless. I have to agree that “peer pressure” pushed me to like Utomi but he’s truly not such a bad guy and by far has greater substance than his competitors. As for Okotie let’s say I’ll have more peace of mind as a Nigerian with him in power than with a lot of the others vying for the same job.

The range of articulate and ideological candidates for the Lagos State gubernatorials is by far better than what we’ve got at the presidential level. The campaigns are great, they seem serious with a supposedly real passion to serve and as I heard they’re even going to hold a live political debate. Anyway Lagos has always being miles ahead of the competition in all spheres so I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised.

least I forget one of my online writing mentors: Uche Nworah (the other being ex-blogger Obifromsouthlondon) came correct with his first book: “The Long Harmattan Season”; a collection of his writings over the years as an internet columnist. Grab your copy today! Yeah I’m living in a glass house, but trust me I’ll get my own copy when I can.

A day in the life of a Corper (Corps Member)



I wake up in the morning and then I stretch up my feet, say I thank you pray and then I brush up my teeth…oophs, that’s from 2baba’s “nfang ibaga”.

I woke up in the morning, had a terrible headache, went to fix me a milkshake. Last night I got me some crazy head, from the girl living next door…wrong again! That’s from Modenine’s “head”. Ok this is me:

I wake up in the morning. Time check 8: am. I smile in acknowledge of Jah’s gift of yet another glorious traeday. Kev, my “roomlord” has gone to school so it’s a characteristic peaceful start for me. I do the clean up bit, test my newly acquired culinary skills and then I’m off to meet my CDS (Community Development Service) group members. Today’s our secondary school visitation; I’m due to give a talk on the dangers of drug abuse. Blimey! I’ve always been clean and I ain’t exactly Gbenga Sesan so why choose me? Anyway Dean has put me through on the talk thing and confidence levels are high. I make good use of imagery and examples with captivating packaging so I give myself a pass mark. But judging by my near embarrassment when asked “why drugs are still being produced if they’re bad for us?” I reckon I have to work on balancing eloquence with real talk substance at all times.

1: am sees me at the Local Government Secretariat for our delayed monthly Corps members signing and meeting. Our NYSC Local Inspector is unavoidable absent so the coordinating rights falls on my co-exco members and I. Over two hours later our work is done. Stormy issues are trashed out, personalities clash but the gentlemen corps members we are decorum is maintained and progress made.

I’m fagged out and so to Bebeto’s spot I go. I spend the evening hanging out and sipping easy with a quartet of my happening colleagues while nearby the NCCF (Nigerian Christian Corpers Fellowship) group are engaged in pious activities. Oteks the rugged lawyer is mouthing off and making everyone laugh as usual, Abayo the free spender is being typically generous, Chimex comes in here and there with his girl related observations while Owen brings life to the discussion with his South-South lingo. Of course Chizzy is being her characteristic nuisance with her endless spasmodic flashes and i-love-you-i-hate-you text messages. My alter ego trae_z begs me to switch off my handset and I swiftly comply with him.

To keep myself entertained I spend the night swange and kerewa dancing with the boys. The Teaching-Practice students in town are holding their send forth party and we’ve been invited to “grace” the occasion. Randy young men are all over the place and the Benue girls are living up to their hype. Trust the larger than life corper image in small towns, I’m generously allowed to feel on some booty. But like Cinderella I’m out before the clock strikes twelve. I’ve got free Globacom and MTN calls to make.

I call up my boys to get the latest on the “bolekaja presidency” and other necessary info. Of course there’s always something new to learn about. I reconnect with my orientation camp girl, Doctor Chick is reading and snubs my calls, Little Sexy Mama loves the bed and is fast asleep but Baby Face makes my night as usual with our marathon conversations. With her there’s always something interesting to talk about. My cell phone battery beeps and I hit the sheets around 4: am, joining the sleep realm where rich and poor are temporarily united in egalitarian brotherhood.

A big welcome to our new recruits: the March 2007 Batch A Corps Members. What type of corper will you be...brains, rugged or flirty?