Two extra years in UNN, partially my fault/
But fuck it I’ve now got my statement of result/
Enough lessons learnt, give all praises to Jah/
NYSC next level, come September I ja/…one!

Interpretation: I’ve now OFFICIALLY joined the prestigious group of people with a first degree from UNN. I sent the above sms to some friends. Here’s my favourite reply; it’s from Stanclef:

Your next target, the labour market/
You’ve got your statement, the future is now the present/
Get a job, get married and raise rugrats/
Finally hommie congrats/…go get high

So I’ve got two months before service, seems I’ll be interning at one of the radio stations in Abuja. Let’s see how it goes.

Catherine: What do we do now, Nick?
Nick: Fuck like minks, raise rugrats and live happily ever after.
Catherine: Hate rugrats.
Nick: Fuck like minks, forget the rugrats, and live happily ever after

One of the classic movie quotes/last lines. It’s from Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas’ Basic Instinct. Talk about being pussy whipped.

WorldCup ’06…it’s almost over; just had to put in some of my observations. Have you noticed the alarming number of early goals scored in this tournament; particularly in the group stages and in the second round? By early goals I mean goals scored in the first ten minutes, and to be precise in the fourth minute! It almost became a ritual, game kicks off and I’m looking at my watch. Four minutes later, pronto! The net is shaketh. It’s really that easy…or is it?

Have you also noticed the glaring similarity of team jerseys? I swear it’s annoying; uniqueness has been thrown to the winds, as except for colour teams now wear virtually the same jerseys! There was no difference between the white jersey of the Swiss and that of the Tunisians. Both teams were kitted by Puma (the main offenders in this case) who kitted a total of twelve teams at this finals, all with the same design template. What ever happened to the good old France ’98 days when each team had a completely different jersey design from the other even if kitted by the same sports company? Uniqueness is a much cherished human value…what more when it comes to national pride it goes without saying.

Johan Djourou of Switzerland and David Jemmali of Tunisia

Has anyone resident in Nigeria being having GSM voicemail issues? Well I have, but this article really put me through. You might want to check it out. Just know that the default voicemail number for Globacom is 0805111 and that of VMobile is 08020100155.

If you’re Nigerian and you’re news conscious you’ll primarily relate the word “Kuje” with a prison in Abuja. Big shots like Mohammed Abacha, Tafa Balogun and even Gani Fawehinmi have spent many a nights there. I don’t even know what the god damn prison looks like but I finished up secondary school in Saints Simon and Jude Junior Seminary Kuje, Abuja (SJS). This post originates because I visiting Kuje again for the first time in six years last week to collect my WASSC certificate (your boy made all his papers in one sitting…still baffles me how I pulled that off. Too bad I slacked academically in the university) and as a result I’m rearing to blog.

It’s a known fact that we have a very low maintenance culture in Nigeria. But being that SJS is a private school I didn’t think that would really apply to my alma mater. But I was shocked on my visit. The school looks very shabby. The buildings need painting and refurnishing; the school vehicles are down; the aesthetics has been lost as the grasses, trees, flowers, pathways, orchards are all in a mess. I also heard of staff welfare complaints. I guess money needs to be pumped in. Although they’re getting grants from Rome and lots of goodwill in cash and kind from Catholics in Abuja. Or maybe it’s a case of poor management.

Anyways I still got good memories of SJS Kuje like:
- The religious stuff. Attending mass and saying the rosary every freaking day. And getting double doses of meditation, reflection and retreats. All in all e been good as e keep man pikin from spoiling…fast.
- Living a nice communal life. It was a small school population-wise so we knew each other and generally got on well together.
- Having fun amidst the hustling. E.g.: food palava, visiting days awaiting, outing trips to get to see girls and get stuff.
- Getting the chance of sitting near the altar in 1998 when the late Pope John Paul II made his 2nd trip to Nigeria.
- Spending a week at the National Missionary Seminary of Saint Paul Gwagwalada, Abuja along with my classmates to witness a priestly ordination firsthand (That week was heaven, right then I definitely wanted to be a priest).
- The bullying I got while there (I lost out on being the senior prefect in my final year because I was too damn small…puberty shit) as it toughened me up for life.

Despite these good memories, at the end of my stay in SJS I decided against continuing my priesthood chase. I didn’t feel I had the calling, plus celibacy definitely wasn’t for me! I still meet up with some folks who decided to advance (My own classmates will be ordained priests in about 3-4 years time) and those guys are living large for real! Nigeria is such a religion obsessed country that once you’re on the priesthood train you’re kind of made for life (nonetheless it’s not all bliss as evangelism is not as easy as it seems). Some wise guys realize this and take full advantage. Let me explain. The road to priesthood is like this: 1 year probation working in a Catholic establishment for candidates who didn’t go to a Junior Seminary (or who need to be crossed examined first), 4 years studying philosophy, another 1 year working, 4 years studying theology, being ordained a deacon and if found worthy being ordained a priest. The wise guys enter the fold, enjoy the free education and other benefits and pull out as soon as they get their philosophy degree. Now ain’t that a bitch?

So much for reminiscing, it has left me feeling like Ahmad in his 1994 hit “back in the day”

I miss those days, and so I pout like a grown jerk/
Wishing all I had to do now, was finish homework/

Why can’t my troubles in life be only about finishing my homework?

Picture TRAE as a senior seminarian. This is what it would have looked like…damn!

University life (especially in Nigeria) is always very stressful. But nevertheless it's been good to me. And it feels great to be finally coming out. So I’m all gay and in the mood of toasting to success, while playing Kanye’s “Last call” in the background. While reading this, pop a bottle and get crunked with me. The bill’s on me (grins). Now prepare for a synopsis (smiles, project writing pays you know) on my life in the university (University of Nigeria Nsukka/UNN).

Finance/Resource Management: I’ve always been a one for all and all for one guy. But entering school very early money wasn’t a problem, as I didn’t socialize much, so didn’t spend much. But now that I can’t sit still I’ve had loads of down periods. But life goes on and somehow in the university I pulled through.

My Religious Life: I went to a seminary secondary school so I guess I had Jah on my mind when entering the university. But as time went on I started loosing my religion. But I still made it to church most of the times and I think I satisfied the NFCS (Nigerian Federation of Catholic Students) slogan: living the faith. Jesus walks man, and I walk with him. Ain’t that right Kanye?

Academics: my pops is a bookworm, my sis: Cle and bro: Ebx too. And so I’m academically tight myself. Graduated best in primary and secondary school, but lack of concentration and my last minute jacking culture did at the end get the best of me in my course: Economics/Political Science. Especially in Economics with all the maths involved. But anyways am a still cross that line even if it’s with a second class lower. I got plans for a second degree in computer science and this time I swear on Einstein’s grave (smiles) am a hit it big. Thank God age is very much on my side.

Student Union Politics: student union politics like Nigerian politics sure does stink. We got so many idiots coming out for elections who don’t know what the fuck is really expected of them. Most of them peeps just got ego problems. I guess we all wanna be big. I never was into politics on campus. The only post I held was as the Director of Socials in my town’s students union, and man was I good. I long for the day Nigerian and student union politics will be developed to the point coming out for elections demands so much of one character wise. Our politicians just gotta be sharp like the likes of Bush, Blair and John Kerry.

UNN as an Institution: man it ain’t no joke when peeps say UNN is living on it’s past glory. True to poor maintenance and management being our problem in Nigeria: UNN stinks! Well may be lack of finance is a cause. That’s why I do respect UNN first class products for sticking through all the shit and graduating well. It ain’t easy man.

My Social and Love Life: entering school very early (I’m the youngest in my class) I was socially fucked at first. But being a “soji guy” I finally came out on top and running things. Flexing in the Lion's den sure was worth the experience. With all the shows, parties and bonfires etc. And from flats and behind flats, to beach And Carolina, all Nsukka hotels and hot spots, Jives, Franco Republic and environs, up school Female and male hostels, SUB and environs, PAA, Arts Theater, CEC, Social Science Quadrangle, freedom square, hill top, Odim gate etc, UNN did really bubble. When I’m doing my thing: I keep it real. I picked up rapping while in the university and excelled to the point that my song was at one time a regular spin on campus radio. I got quite popular with it. Now I consider myself slicker than your average (Craig Davidly speaking you know, if you’re a girl anyway). One word on relationships: girl who demand so much of their guys financially are crazy. You’re both still dependent so be real. Also for guys: getting a girl ain’t all about money. It’s more about making her trust you and enjoy your company. Take me as an example; “I’m still slick with 50 kobo/I guess I’m the original shine shine bobo/” (smiles). Friends are life and life is friends, Love makes the world go round. You heard!

Life after University: on the real man I got cold feet about it. You know putting what you studied into practice and through it fending for yourself. But anyways it couldn’t be worse. Jah lives so it’s gon’ be alright. You got my back anyway, don’t you?

I finally participated in Rag Day...in my final year!!!

Yep this post in August is meant to AUGment your life. From the post title apologies to all UNN good image advocates, but for real my school’s quite hot right now. We got a high level of handset theft going on in the nighttime. And it’s a pity that our school security is pretty helpless in this regard. One advice, if u consider ur handset ur buddy just like I do, u’ll do well to strap the shit up tight!

On the social side, cos we all gots to jive to survive. I had some pretty remarkable times this past month. One of em was at my class final year dinner and award nite. Man was it fun after coming through this past four years together. On the real am a miss u guys when we’re finally through. Another of em was at a gospel show on campus. Minus the DMX show I attended earlier this year I’ve never seen an audience so lively and worked up at a show. Dem gospel peeps sure know how to work it for Jesus. It just beats me dat in their dance there ain’t no touching involved. I wonder what Sasha in Sean Paul’s "I’m still in love with you" video would think of that. anyway I know what I think of Maura. A girl I met/friend I made recently. She the intellectual kind, writes poetry and novels and is a presenter on air at our campus radio station. Peep what I wrote for her below, finished it in 30 minutes. Quite impressive right? Considering that I’ve not written much rap wise in the past three months.

Concerning thee
Written for Maura_Dawn (Maureen Uwem Akpan)
5th August, 2004

so here’s what’s up concerning thee
after much we finally meet
all this while I’ve been on my feet
cos with you I’ve longed to speak
first I saw you at the CAST
you was cool my test you passed
but I couldn’t make a pass
had exams by quarter past
took your add, twas on your pen
mailed your ass, every now and then
but you was all: “na Jesus”…end
I was like I’ll get you man
Back in school I saw you more
Took it cool I just explored
To the point I was like “jo”
TRAE go flow, go open door
Now I’ve finally done the shit
I’ve known you. I’m loving it
Like your style, I must admit
I just hope that it’s a hit

Afrihub CyberCafe where i spend a lot of my time these days