I’m losing my religion

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“I’m losing my religion”. I first heard that phrase when I listened to Tupac’s verse on "2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted", a song on which he featured Snoop Dogg. And I feel it perfectly explains my situation. I’m losing my religion. I’m not atheist and I guess I do believe in God, but I’m really slacking in prayers, other religious stuff and I’m not going to church much these days. It’s kind of like I’m not feeling God or the whole concept of religion. I’m still good though and try to keep all my thoughts, actions and words positive. I went to a seminary secondary school and got elementarily schooled in the ways of the priesthood. I was active in church activities, specifically mass serving for a long time. A few of my mates, all things being equal should be priest in the next four years. But as one grows older and wiser in the ways of the world, the whole religion concept becomes harder to believe in or follow whole heartedly. Education teaches you to believe and trust in the empirical. Religion stuff based on faith becomes really hard. You start questioning religious stands on some stuff which they believe is bad for you but which you are comfortable with as they harm no one directly. Such stuff includes fornication, swearing-foul language, secular music, smoking, drinking, sexual-intimate dancing, materialism to an extent and some fashion trends. Religion…prayer…Bible reading ain’t easy, cos it’s based on faith. Faith in something which you can’t physically see and rewards from which are not instant. It’s kind of like trusting in an unknown. The talk about heaven, hell, purgatory and life after death is one big unknown. Nobody ever came back from the dead to recount his experiences. So present practices or assumptions about what people should do to get the best out of life after death, is as a result of thousands of years of human thinking and assumptions. Just like law is different from morality, goodness is different from religion. One can still be a good human outside the religious context. We humans naturally are emotional and are prone to deifying people. We like to have role models among our own kind, many times to our own detriment. E.g. many of our religious leaders who are in fact mere mortals like us. I don’t really blame many learned people out there who though not atheist are not into any particular religion. Nor do I blame those who diss religion as Fela did in “Shuffering and Shmiling”, as our religious leaders do have their own faults. I’m certainly not anti-religion. There’s good evidence to be religious. There are miracles, there are testimonies, the Bible is a master piece still relevant in today’s world, there’s Christian history and tradition stuff evident/visible in places like Rome and Israel, and religion does keep society orderly, it makes people friendly towards each other. I also really do admire young people like Ebele a.k.a. melody_me, who despite the temptations of this world still seek God and aspire towards holiness.

In summary I believe in keeping it positive. I do good things cos it’s good to be good; karma exist. I do believe in God but unfortunately I’m really low on religion stuff. Guys please pray for me that some day I’ll start feeling religion again. Here’s a poem I wrote about two years ago. Though I’ve gotten over some of the issues I wrote about, others still relate to my present state. Enjoy it sha. Peace!

Negative TRAE: The devil in me
Completed 12th December, 2003


Wrote the first four lines as far back as June 2003, but revised and completed it in December 2003 to reflect what was on my mind at that time.

A.D.I.D.A.S., is my mode right now
Fucked up class, but still I won’t pipe down
Gotten so ras, creeping all over town
Yawa go gas, I need Jehovah now
It’s like Nas said, I’m a sex crazed bastard
A popular thug, I could be AIDS ravaged faster
I break honey’s hearts, then go back to fuck a hoe
Or I jerk off in the bath, God damn, my morals are low
When it comes to the money, I’m loose, from trees it grows?
This shit sure ain’t funny, cos soon I’ll end up broke
I’ll soon be on my own, a man, how will I cope?
When I’m still fucking known, for stealing my father’s notes
I can’t study right, low drive, I wanna flex
It’s not that I ain’t bright, but shit is on my neck
Turning me to a flunk, a junk, one of the best
And so I’ll graduate so dumb, what happens next?
I’m loosing my religion like Pac, I’m out of track
Before I know I’m right back, with Sat’ making contact
But now never again like Ja, will I go back
But still I always fail, my guy, what do I lack?


* Yawa go gas = Nigerian Pidgin English for a problem will occur

Inspired by the songs:
1) A.D.I.D.A.S. - killer Mike ft. Big Boi and Sleepy Brown
(ADIDAS means All Day I Dream About Sex)
2) Popular Thug - kelis ft. Nas
3) 2 of Amerikaz most wanted- Tupac Amaru Shakur ft. Snoop Dogg
4) Never again - Ja Rule
5) Why - Da Band

The creation of Adam painting by Michelangelo…are you feeling God?

Comments (9)

Say waaaaaaaaaat?!!! Ha ha ha man, I'm feelin yo blog just like am feeling the song am listening to now... 'Keep the motherfucking heads ringing'...Can u read my mind?!

I'm so down with all u said man! Forreals, these past few months I've been thinking on 99% of all u said...as far as it doesn't hurt nobody, swearing, hardcore rap etc...

Also, I've slacking in my prayers too. Going to religious processions etc is getting to become a mere rote and I swear when things start getting done reluctantly, it's better not to even do it again...

It's not like one is living in denial of God or the veracity of the Bible/Christianity, but the main thing is live what Jesus said "Love for God & neighbor" and trying to be good as much as u can...ya feel?!

I feel u man...I feel u!

i cant argue with ur sentiments. I don't even remotely propose to be religious. like you I went to a seminary school (marist), served mass and all that good stuff. but my worldly ways post all that made me re-evaluate all that is considered "bad" for you. still feel peace when I go to church.

I feel you on the religion thing man. Was an altar boy like you were, and now even going to church is a problem.

I lost my religion several years ago and I mourned the loss for less than 2 years. You're afraid of hell, right?

Trae, I feel you. Well, the fact that you realise this is still a good thing on it's own. That means that your heart is still attracted to your religion. Every human pass through this stage or feelings at least once in a lifetime.

The most important thing is to cry out to the Father who is able to restore you from your spiritual dryness back to full fellowship with Him. I know what you are talking about. Peace be unto you.

Wow, you still blog very big posts here, goody!

Well, you said it all for today's young man..............battling with spirituality, battling with the world, and always attempting to define the terms "good" and "bad".

i feel u..m feeling this..i was goin to blog about sumthn quite similar to this..just like u i feel like ive lost my religion..i go to church but my hearts not in it...i long for the time when m so passionate about jesus christ...i wont knw what hit me.

stop press! just discoveed that the phrase "i'm losing my religion" is a southern American phrase meaning something like "I'm at the end of my tether. so when Tupac used it in his song he was actually tryna say something like, he's mad and about to do something drastic. check out the lyrics of the song you'll get what i'm trying to say.

but nonetheless it's quite similiar to the other meaning the phrase can assume that one ain't really feeling religious anymore.

thanks for the advice guys. peace!