“I’m losing my religion”. I first heard that phrase when I listened to Tupac’s verse on "2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted", a song on which he featured Snoop Dogg. And I feel it perfectly explains my situation. I’m losing my religion. I’m not atheist and I guess I do believe in God, but I’m really slacking in prayers, other religious stuff and I’m not going to church much these days. It’s kind of like I’m not feeling God or the whole concept of religion. I’m still good though and try to keep all my thoughts, actions and words positive. I went to a seminary secondary school and got elementarily schooled in the ways of the priesthood. I was active in church activities, specifically mass serving for a long time. A few of my mates, all things being equal should be priest in the next four years. But as one grows older and wiser in the ways of the world, the whole religion concept becomes harder to believe in or follow whole heartedly. Education teaches you to believe and trust in the empirical. Religion stuff based on faith becomes really hard. You start questioning religious stands on some stuff which they believe is bad for you but which you are comfortable with as they harm no one directly. Such stuff includes fornication, swearing-foul language, secular music, smoking, drinking, sexual-intimate dancing, materialism to an extent and some fashion trends. Religion…prayer…Bible reading ain’t easy, cos it’s based on faith. Faith in something which you can’t physically see and rewards from which are not instant. It’s kind of like trusting in an unknown. The talk about heaven, hell, purgatory and life after death is one big unknown. Nobody ever came back from the dead to recount his experiences. So present practices or assumptions about what people should do to get the best out of life after death, is as a result of thousands of years of human thinking and assumptions. Just like law is different from morality, goodness is different from religion. One can still be a good human outside the religious context. We humans naturally are emotional and are prone to deifying people. We like to have role models among our own kind, many times to our own detriment. E.g. many of our religious leaders who are in fact mere mortals like us. I don’t really blame many learned people out there who though not atheist are not into any particular religion. Nor do I blame those who diss religion as Fela did in “Shuffering and Shmiling”, as our religious leaders do have their own faults. I’m certainly not anti-religion. There’s good evidence to be religious. There are miracles, there are testimonies, the Bible is a master piece still relevant in today’s world, there’s Christian history and tradition stuff evident/visible in places like Rome and Israel, and religion does keep society orderly, it makes people friendly towards each other. I also really do admire young people like Ebele a.k.a. melody_me, who despite the temptations of this world still seek God and aspire towards holiness.

In summary I believe in keeping it positive. I do good things cos it’s good to be good; karma exist. I do believe in God but unfortunately I’m really low on religion stuff. Guys please pray for me that some day I’ll start feeling religion again. Here’s a poem I wrote about two years ago. Though I’ve gotten over some of the issues I wrote about, others still relate to my present state. Enjoy it sha. Peace!

Negative TRAE: The devil in me
Completed 12th December, 2003

Wrote the first four lines as far back as June 2003, but revised and completed it in December 2003 to reflect what was on my mind at that time.

A.D.I.D.A.S., is my mode right now
Fucked up class, but still I won’t pipe down
Gotten so ras, creeping all over town
Yawa go gas, I need Jehovah now
It’s like Nas said, I’m a sex crazed bastard
A popular thug, I could be AIDS ravaged faster
I break honey’s hearts, then go back to fuck a hoe
Or I jerk off in the bath, God damn, my morals are low
When it comes to the money, I’m loose, from trees it grows?
This shit sure ain’t funny, cos soon I’ll end up broke
I’ll soon be on my own, a man, how will I cope?
When I’m still fucking known, for stealing my father’s notes
I can’t study right, low drive, I wanna flex
It’s not that I ain’t bright, but shit is on my neck
Turning me to a flunk, a junk, one of the best
And so I’ll graduate so dumb, what happens next?
I’m loosing my religion like Pac, I’m out of track
Before I know I’m right back, with Sat’ making contact
But now never again like Ja, will I go back
But still I always fail, my guy, what do I lack?

* Yawa go gas = Nigerian Pidgin English for a problem will occur

Inspired by the songs:
1) A.D.I.D.A.S. - killer Mike ft. Big Boi and Sleepy Brown
(ADIDAS means All Day I Dream About Sex)
2) Popular Thug - kelis ft. Nas
3) 2 of Amerikaz most wanted- Tupac Amaru Shakur ft. Snoop Dogg
4) Never again - Ja Rule
5) Why - Da Band

The creation of Adam painting by Michelangelo…are you feeling God?

Gone are the days when all my thoughts were of (I used to dream of) making it in the rap game. You know releasing an album and blowing up big time. Times don pass, things don change. The industry in Nigeria is harsh and unorganized. We’re still very much at an infancy stage when it comes to artist welfare, marketing, exposure and publicity. Plus I guess I just ain’t feeling a rap career no more. I got other plans up my sleeve, but still I’m loving the Hip hop game and culture and will rep it till i die. I now do music for the love of music itself. I like music so I’m taking the once in a lifetime opportunity to express myself and in the process create something other people can listen to and feel.

I was in this state when I did the song you’ll soon hear. It’s the first new shit from me since about two years ago when I did my first two songs produced by Rule Clean. Now I’m feel I’m iller, a better rapper and so much better than I was when I did my first two songs. I studied a whole lot of emcees and switched up my flow considerable. So on this track I’m spitting ill and coming in straight English laced with occasional Pidgin English to get a cool Naija (Nigerian) style. The song is explicit though…contains swearing. I’ll probably head back to studio to do a radio friendly (clean) version.

I cooked up most of the ideas for the song and featured ODC on it. He’s one of the best emcees I’ve seen and really admire in my school. When you think of “hate it love it” The Game and 50Cent, “just a moment”- Nas and Quan, “renegade”- Jay-Z and Eminem, “Sounds Of Blackness”- Modenine and Mo Dogg think of this song. It’s called “from ABJ to UNN”. We’re repping ABJ (Abuja. Abuja is also known as the FCT, Federal Capital Territory) where we from and UNN (the University of Nigeria, Nsukka) where we school at on the chorus. I’m based in Garki Abuja while he’s based in kubwa (KUB) Abuja. UNN students are called lions and lionesses, so the campus is also called the den. It’s good you know this so you’ll understand the chorus (song). On the song itself we talk about the rap game, life and girls plus we’re just generally spitting to show our lyrical dexterity on a beat. The beat was made by E-Zone (my one time partner in rap when I used to perform in campus shows) and finishing touches were added by El-Cee. Chuks was in charge during recording, he also did the mixing and mastering. They’re a trio of guys in my school trying to start their production/studio thing and going under the name “Haunted sounds”. The song was done with the fruity loops software, it’s not of the highest sound quality but it’s good anyway. It was recorded on Sunday the 31st of July 2005. It was fun doing it, you know peeps were around and they were feeling it and giving suggestions when necessary. Chuks finished mixing and mastering it late into the early hours of Wednesday August 3rd 2005.

Click on the links below to listen to it lo or high streamed. I’m in love with the song and I’m sure you’ll like it. I welcome constructive critism.

Play "from ABJ to UNN" Hi or Lo filed/streamed

Hazy Abuja...students chilling in Nsukka(UNN). Props to napturalglory.com and pbase.com for the pics. Damn, when will I get myself a camera phone or a digital camera?

Note: I've since been unbanned.

Yep, that’s right people. I was banned today from posting or participating in the activities of the nairaland.com forum. But I ain’t gonna start bitching or crying over spilt milk. Am a just be honest, objective and straight forward in spitting out my view on the whole issue.

Nairaland is a Forum for all-purpose talk on Nigerian issues by Nigerians. If you ask me I’ll tell you it’s the best Nigerian forum on the net activity wise. It’s owned by Seun Osewa (a.k.a. the site administrator). He also owns mobilenigeria.com, a Nigerian GSM discussion forum. Also one of the best Nigerian forums online. It’s dead now as it has been superseded by Nairaland. On Both sites I was one of the highest contributors post-wise, one of the peeps who made the forums thick.

I was banned by the admin cos of some criticism shit. Well I ain’t sorry anyway, because I believe I was constructive in my criticism. That fella: Seun has been in one too many face-offs with members of his forum. And they mainly stem from his editing or/and deleting of their posts wrongly. And at times (as in my case) this ends in their being banned from the forum. What a shame. If I was a forum administrator I certainly would have been fairer and done better.

Not being able to stand being criticized is the height of immaturity and not being a man. It’s like one is on some Mugabe, Castro, Abacha or Saddam dictatorial shit. They are Political leaders who are/were known to lock up their opposition indiscriminately. Criticism helps you. One loses nothing from being criticized, especially when you know you’re right. If at all you’re wrong you just learn a lesson which betters and perfects you.

Hey, I Hope I wasn’t sounding hyper sensitive? But you know I believe so much in free speech, allowing peeps to say what they want to say. I hate depriving others of their right to free speech (I don’t do it with my blog comments) and I hate it when mine is. I’ll miss the forum for sure and it hurts to know the forum can do without me (no one individual is that important as to stop the course of life). But in the same vein I can do without the forum. Before Mobilenigeria and Nairaland I was and so after it I still will be. Life goes on.

Well I guess forumites have clashes with admins the world…i mean “the net” over. And things will only get better when peeps learn to tolerate each other.

This post has sapped the energy outta me. Repping Naija (like QMHchick of africanhiphop.com) is what we should be doing and not getting into arguments with fellow Nigerians.

Everybody’s talking about the best this and that of 2004 and New Year resolutions. So here’s my own best of 2004. In this case the best (seven in number) things/happenings in my life that I’m grateful for in 2004.

My Blog

Also know as a weblog, a blog for the uninitiated, is a popular and fairly personal content form on the Internet. A person’s Web log is almost like an open diary. It chronicles what a person wants to share with the world on an almost daily basis. The activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who keeps a blog is a "blogger". And starting my own (and it being enjoyed by its readers) was definitely one of my highs of 2004. Being a cyber freak since 2001 and having kept a diary since I was 10, moving over to the internet and blogging is something I can really relate to. It’s a hobby I really enjoy and it sure has built up my journalistic intellect. Big up to other bloggers out there. After all we are ABC News People of the Year for 2004.

Getting my handset and mobile line

For sure it’s the GSM age in Nigeria. And owning a GSM line is a must if one is to call oneself a correct guy/chick in Naija. Ha ha whatever. So getting my own line and handset in April sure was a wonderful moment for me. Now I can handle my own biz personally, talk less of advanced communication and pimping. I’m sure y’all love birds can relate with me on the wonders of text messages and late night calls.

Big Flexing

It’s Jay-Z who said in one of his songs that he was big pimping. Well in my case in 2004 I was big flexing. By flexing I mean I partied big and I really enjoyed myself socially. Thank you Jesus (smiles). My policy was to be happy as much as possible 24-7. So I kept positive and tried to enjoy each moment with friends. With the girls it was something else. In 2004 I had my first real relationship which lasted about two months, and I got miself some really close girlfriends. And not girlfriends as in relationships but having girls as my real tight buddies the way two guys could be best friends. And somehow I relished seeing the girls over and over again trusting me and feeling secure in my presence (ask girls, most of em will tell you they prefer close buddies of the opposite sex than the same sex. Ain’t the same with guys though). Funny huh? Some times I ask myself if I’m sick or trying to over do things to get over some inner fears. Whatever, it’s the opposite attract, the power of the P-U-S-S-Y according to Kels, Jay and Devin.

Meeting my Hip hop idols

Yep 2004 was the year I witness two of my biggest Hip hop idols perform live. DMX in January and 50Cent in December. Both events where electrifying and will live on in my memory for years to come. There’s something about finally meeting someone you really admire. After the encounter it’s like your life will never be the same again. Ask Bill Clinton; he’ll tell you about his encounter in his youth with the then US president John F. Kennedy.

My ride

There sure is nothing better than cruising/rolling down the street with your ride on a beautiful day, with your windows down and getting admiring stares from passers by. And that’s what I experienced big time in 2004. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I leant to drive in 2004; instead 2004 was the year I finally got unlimited ride access from my mum after months of battling. And man have I had good moments with my Toyota. Funny abi? Well that’s life you know, one man’s meat is another man’s garri (smiles). So am a continue riding and keep my eyes on the ultimate: the Peugeot 307. I must ride that car or die!

Quitting UNN

Quitting? Well more like graduating from UNN (University of Nigeria Nsukka. I still got shit to tidy up though, damn!). I sure am grateful to God for achieving that in 2004. After all the stress…and fun of university life, it feels good to be finally through with the system. Although for real I still miss campus life. Well I gotta suck it all up and move on. Next step is the NYSC and making my own dough. How scary can it get? I’ve always had one saying: you never know you’re a man till you feed and take care of yourself for a week with YOUR OWN SWEAT. God help us all!

My body

It ain’t as if I’m Right Said Fred singing: “I’m too sexy for my body”. But like him I was some what pleased with my body…looks in 2004. It’s like my gyming finally paid off. It’s not as if I got a 50 Cent type body, but I think I got an above average physique for a guy. Still I gotta wake my lazy ass up and keep lifting them rods. Also I changed my hair style early this year. I kept it low like Lloyd Banks. Sorry Wyclef, the Nigerian environment couldn’t allow me keep it Rasta. But I’ll definitely try it again someday.

So what of you what were your own highs of 2004? Moving over to new year resolutions I can’t say what all mine are (cos some are…too personal to…whatever) but my new year resolution sure does read it part : to start replying my emails in time. HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!

We..."I" love to blog! after all we (bloggers) are ABC News' People of the Year for 2004.

Hype does one thing: it makes u wanna see what all the noise is about. and that's what happened with Modenine and I. I’ve heard peeps be like "this nigga is the shit in Nigerian hardcore hip hop circle". and man after finally listening to his CD (if if u see it: cop it...get it. spread the love) I’m beginning to feel the same way. honestly this rapper is fucking tight. his punch lines and metaphors are one in million. they're very much above what could come to the mind of an average Nigerian MC. no doubt Modenine got me when he said:

I kill paper when I pen punch lines with murder ink/
every cipher in my lyrics makes you scratch ur head and think/I wish I wrote that...
(from "orisuna basement freestyle" track 17)

now who the fuck said that to make it in the Nigerian music scene u must come African and use the local flavour and pidgin English thing? well to me that ain't shit. all that matters is that u come out tight in whatever style u use. and that's what Modenine has done. very unlike most acts out there the self proclaimed lyricist flows largely with a foreign accent and style, plus he swears. true to the hardcore feeling his beats are complex and involve some sampling (sampling is like what Kanye West does when he puts an old school feeling into his tracks. it's a sort of mixing).

my favourite tracks in the album (in descending order) are:

1) head ft Baron and Terry tha Rapman
To me that's one hell of a freak song, just like Snoop Dogg's "don't tell". u should put it on when u wanna fuck (smiles). cool smooth beats with pimping lyrics. check the chorus:

don't lie everybody knows u like (head), so be a cheerful giver/
don't be shy we've all heard about your (head), you look like a brainy diva/

2) elbow room ft Callen
damn I love the orchestral feeling of this song's chorus. added with tight flows by the Ninestein, the song's a hit.

3) small boy
funny song. it's one of the only songs you'll hear Modenine rapping in Pidgin English. but the production is poor. and that's because a rock feeling was added to it to make it different from the original in Modenine's debut: the nine files. u can listen to the original at: paybacktymerecords.com

4) 419 state of mind part 2
This song really captures the current phenomenon like Six Foot Plus's "millennium bugging" did in it’s time. all those sick of Nigerian scam emails will relate to this.

5) you can't fuck wit dis
a bounceable-party sort of track. I like the Hausa used at the end. makes we wanna theorize that Hausa is good for hardcore, Igbo for funny songs, and Yoruba for party.

on the critic side I think Nine has got an ego problem. a lot of the tracks on the album were just plain bragging tracks, where he's tryna proclaim his tightness and supremacy. a more mixed themed album might have been better. and Mode why u ain't hola at Six Foot Plus and Callen in the "hola back outro"? just asking though. also some of the beats could have been better along with better production.

on the whole the album's really worth ur time and cash. all em hardcore freaks might be quick to proclaim Modenine Nigeria's Nas.

shit, I can't believe I’m on this track talking about (head)/yo peace I’m out/
(terry tha Rapman in "head")...shit I can't believe I’m on the net talking about (Nine)/yo peace I’m out/

Stanclef might be Modenine's number one fan, but I’m a sucker for Terry...I don dey kolo oh!

Modenine. Call him a rapper or an MC and he’ll tell u that he’s a lyricist

University life (especially in Nigeria) is always very stressful. But nevertheless it's been good to me. And it feels great to be finally coming out. So I’m all gay and in the mood of toasting to success, while playing Kanye’s “Last call” in the background. While reading this, pop a bottle and get crunked with me. The bill’s on me (grins). Now prepare for a synopsis (smiles, project writing pays you know) on my life in the university (University of Nigeria Nsukka/UNN).

Finance/Resource Management: I’ve always been a one for all and all for one guy. But entering school very early money wasn’t a problem, as I didn’t socialize much, so didn’t spend much. But now that I can’t sit still I’ve had loads of down periods. But life goes on and somehow in the university I pulled through.

My Religious Life: I went to a seminary secondary school so I guess I had Jah on my mind when entering the university. But as time went on I started loosing my religion. But I still made it to church most of the times and I think I satisfied the NFCS (Nigerian Federation of Catholic Students) slogan: living the faith. Jesus walks man, and I walk with him. Ain’t that right Kanye?

Academics: my pops is a bookworm, my sis: Cle and bro: Ebx too. And so I’m academically tight myself. Graduated best in primary and secondary school, but lack of concentration and my last minute jacking culture did at the end get the best of me in my course: Economics/Political Science. Especially in Economics with all the maths involved. But anyways am a still cross that line even if it’s with a second class lower. I got plans for a second degree in computer science and this time I swear on Einstein’s grave (smiles) am a hit it big. Thank God age is very much on my side.

Student Union Politics: student union politics like Nigerian politics sure does stink. We got so many idiots coming out for elections who don’t know what the fuck is really expected of them. Most of them peeps just got ego problems. I guess we all wanna be big. I never was into politics on campus. The only post I held was as the Director of Socials in my town’s students union, and man was I good. I long for the day Nigerian and student union politics will be developed to the point coming out for elections demands so much of one character wise. Our politicians just gotta be sharp like the likes of Bush, Blair and John Kerry.

UNN as an Institution: man it ain’t no joke when peeps say UNN is living on it’s past glory. True to poor maintenance and management being our problem in Nigeria: UNN stinks! Well may be lack of finance is a cause. That’s why I do respect UNN first class products for sticking through all the shit and graduating well. It ain’t easy man.

My Social and Love Life: entering school very early (I’m the youngest in my class) I was socially fucked at first. But being a “soji guy” I finally came out on top and running things. Flexing in the Lion's den sure was worth the experience. With all the shows, parties and bonfires etc. And from flats and behind flats, to beach And Carolina, all Nsukka hotels and hot spots, Jives, Franco Republic and environs, up school Female and male hostels, SUB and environs, PAA, Arts Theater, CEC, Social Science Quadrangle, freedom square, hill top, Odim gate etc, UNN did really bubble. When I’m doing my thing: I keep it real. I picked up rapping while in the university and excelled to the point that my song was at one time a regular spin on campus radio. I got quite popular with it. Now I consider myself slicker than your average (Craig Davidly speaking you know, if you’re a girl anyway). One word on relationships: girl who demand so much of their guys financially are crazy. You’re both still dependent so be real. Also for guys: getting a girl ain’t all about money. It’s more about making her trust you and enjoy your company. Take me as an example; “I’m still slick with 50 kobo/I guess I’m the original shine shine bobo/” (smiles). Friends are life and life is friends, Love makes the world go round. You heard!

Life after University: on the real man I got cold feet about it. You know putting what you studied into practice and through it fending for yourself. But anyways it couldn’t be worse. Jah lives so it’s gon’ be alright. You got my back anyway, don’t you?

I finally participated in Rag Day...in my final year!!!

Yep this post in August is meant to AUGment your life. From the post title apologies to all UNN good image advocates, but for real my school’s quite hot right now. We got a high level of handset theft going on in the nighttime. And it’s a pity that our school security is pretty helpless in this regard. One advice, if u consider ur handset ur buddy just like I do, u’ll do well to strap the shit up tight!

On the social side, cos we all gots to jive to survive. I had some pretty remarkable times this past month. One of em was at my class final year dinner and award nite. Man was it fun after coming through this past four years together. On the real am a miss u guys when we’re finally through. Another of em was at a gospel show on campus. Minus the DMX show I attended earlier this year I’ve never seen an audience so lively and worked up at a show. Dem gospel peeps sure know how to work it for Jesus. It just beats me dat in their dance there ain’t no touching involved. I wonder what Sasha in Sean Paul’s "I’m still in love with you" video would think of that. anyway I know what I think of Maura. A girl I met/friend I made recently. She the intellectual kind, writes poetry and novels and is a presenter on air at our campus radio station. Peep what I wrote for her below, finished it in 30 minutes. Quite impressive right? Considering that I’ve not written much rap wise in the past three months.

Concerning thee
Written for Maura_Dawn (Maureen Uwem Akpan)
5th August, 2004

so here’s what’s up concerning thee
after much we finally meet
all this while I’ve been on my feet
cos with you I’ve longed to speak
first I saw you at the CAST
you was cool my test you passed
but I couldn’t make a pass
had exams by quarter past
took your add, twas on your pen
mailed your ass, every now and then
but you was all: “na Jesus”…end
I was like I’ll get you man
Back in school I saw you more
Took it cool I just explored
To the point I was like “jo”
TRAE go flow, go open door
Now I’ve finally done the shit
I’ve known you. I’m loving it
Like your style, I must admit
I just hope that it’s a hit

Afrihub CyberCafe where i spend a lot of my time these days